Love Can Never Be Forgotten
by LyssLovesTiva33
Summary: Sequel to Stuck in the Middle. Meredith and Derek Shepherd just lost their 14 year old daughter Alyssa Danielle to cancer this past March. Will the Shepherd family be able to survive the grief without destroying their family first? A little angsty. R&R!
1. Chapter 1: Moving On

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**This is my sequel to my story Stuck in the Middle.**

**Summary:**** This past March, Meredith and Derek Shepherd lost their fourteen year old daughter Alyssa to cancer. The Shepherd family is in for a rude awakening as they struggle to find the meaning of life, death, and learn to deal with Lyss's in their own way. Join them as they embark on the journey that could make or break their family. It will involve a lot of grief, angst, strife, anger, hurt, and comfort, but also love, compassion, and friendship.**

**Key Points:**** Lyss died on March 16, 2025. Addison and Kevin are moving to Seattle. Noah's birthday is in two days.**

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March 16, 2025. The day Lyss died. Today was March 27. 11 days since the worst day in the families life.

"Mer," Derek sighed looking down at his wife in their bed. It was already noon and she had yet to get up. After everyone had left after the funeral this is where she spent most of her time. Barely eating, not sleeping, just staring at a picture of their family, their whole family, on the night stand.

"Meredith you have to get up," Derek told her.

"Why?" Meredith whispered her voice cracking in grief. "Because my life must go on, is that it?" Derek said nothing. "My life just can't go on Derek. Our daughter is dead, dead as in never coming back, I just can't come back from it that easily."

"But getting out of bed isn't moving on Mer," Derek said. "It's just doing something you have to do."

"I know," Meredith sighed. She listened for other footsteps around the house but there were none. "Where..... where are the kids?"

"They went back to school today Mer," Derek murmured as he helped her sit up.

"And I wasn't there for them," Meredith muttered.

"They know you're doing the best you can," Derek reassured. But to Mer it didn't feel like that at all. She felt numb, helpless, like she died with Lyss, or at least a part of her did. She knew Derek must feel like that too but he was always the stronger one. She was dark and twisty, that's all she would ever be. Derek helped her all the way up and into the hallway. All the bedroom doors were open at least slightly except one. One that would never be opened again. At least to the person it belonged to. Derek saw what she was staring at and sighed. Gently he led her downstairs.

"It's not fair," Meredith whispered. All the pictures up for the funeral were still everywhere along with extra prayer cards and flowers. Izzie and several others had taken it into their hands to clean up for them and keep an eye on the family but eventually everyone had to return to work. Everyone else's lives were going back to normal while the Shepherd's fell apart.

"I know," Derek sighed and went to the kitchen to put on a cup of coffee. The dinner that Izzie had recently dropped off for them for the day was still on the counter. Everyone was trying their best to help the family but the only thing that would ever make them feel better would be bringing Lyss back. Derek shuddered at the memory of this morning when he had to get Sophia, who he wouldn't let drive, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels on the bus that morning.

Kelsey had practically clung to him in desperation. Sophia stood on shaky legs. Hayley and Paige held hands tightly. And Jake just walked silently looking down. Noah on the other hand, who Derek dropped off at preschool, was still oblivious to everything and was still as happy and full of energy as ever. If it kept going at this rate, the Shepherd family may never get over Lyss's death.

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Hayley and Paige walked hand in hand into their school. The school Lyss no longer attended. As soon as they entered they immediately got sympathetic glances. Everyone knew. Almost everyone went to the funeral as well.

The last time they were in the school was when they got the dreaded call. They were in separate class at the time, but very close. Almost immediately after their teachers had informed them Lyss fell into coma, the two ran into the hallway towards each other's class, met each other in the middle, hugged, and sobbed.

_"Hayley sweetie," Hayley's teacher said quietly. Hayley looked up immediately. It was not often that a teacher called a student 'sweetie' or any name other name besides there name for that matter._

_"What?" she asked putting her book on the desk. Many other kids watched._

_"I'm afraid I have bad news," the teacher whispered, Hayley sucked in a breath and didn't want the teacher to go on. "I'm sorry but it seems that your sister, Alyssa, has fallen into a coma." Hayley's eyes went wide._

_"NO!" she wailed and pushed her chair away from her desk and ran into the hallway towards Paige's classroom. Paige was going through the same thing._

_"Paige," her teacher said gently._

_"Yeah?" Paige asked. "What's up?"_

_"I have terrible news," he murmured sympathetically. "Your sister fell into a coma, your parents want you to come to the hospital. Your Aunt is down in the office waiting with your younger sister and brother." Paige didn't want to hear anymore. She just got up silently, and walked towards the door. "Paige!" The walk turned into a run very quickly as she got closer and closer to Hayley's class. The two girls saw each other, both running. When they met, their arms immediaely went to a tight hug as tears spilled out of their eyes._

_"Paige," Hayley sobbed._

_"Hayley," Paige sobbed._

_"Lyss...."_

Together, they walked towards their homeroom which, of course, was past Lyss's. Room 125. Their pace slowed down as Hayley and Paige approached. Miss Klicka, Lyss's homeroom teacher was outside, keeping an eye on Ava, Hannah, Becca, Nikki, Brittany, and Ali with concern in her eyes. They had only returned to school the day before.

When she spotted them, she recognized them immediately. Especially Paige because she had her for math in 7th grade as well.

"Paige," she exclaimed and hugged her tightly. Paige hugged back tentatively. She turned to Hayley. "You must be Hayley." Hayley nodded as she hugged her to. "I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am for your loss. Lyss was a great student and person and she will be deeply missed her."

"Yeah," Hayley choked out trying not to cry.

"How is your family get along?" she asked.

"It's hard," Paige admitted softly.

"It will get better," Miss Klicka promised before turning back to Lyss's friends who now turned around and were looking towards them. That is when they both noticed Lyss's locker. It was right in the middle of all of theirs.

In big letters there stood 'We'll Miss You Lyss.' Every inch of the locker was covered with paper and on the paper names were scribbled on it. The biggest she could see was Dr. Cole's, Miss Klicka's, several other teacher's of Lyss, and her friends. Everyone had their own last words to Lyss.

On the ground and taped to the paper were flowers as well. Tears began coming to Hayley and Paige's eyes as they scanned it, seeing names of their friends, kids Lyss had mentioned once or twice, and people neither ever heard of. All coming together because of Lyss.

When it was too much Paige began walking away fast, Hayley on her heels, ignoring every protest of teachers or friends.

All teacher's that they saw reacted the same as Miss Klicka. Even ones neither of them knew. The day was a blur for both, but it wasn't until lunch, the only class besides history the two had together that it was too much.

The lunch ladies commented but they ignored it. That wasn't even what set them off. It was looking over at Lyss's old lunch table, both of them. The one with goths and the one with her friends. The three empty seats at the goth table were one's that Hayley and Paige were grateful would never be filled again, but the one at her friends table didn't.

When Lyss was alive, but with cancer, the twins used to go over there everyday to make sure her friends were okay. Look at the empty seat and reassure them all that one day Lyss would be back. That seat would now never be filled by Lyss again.

Hayley started sobbing first and Paige joined in. No one had even made a comment. They all knew why. This behavior, however, only landed the two in the guidance office, sitting down with the smiling counselor Mrs. Reynolds, who had spoken to them before, and Lyss many times during her rebellious phase.

The three discussed the stages of grief, dealing with grief, but none of them seemed to help. Nothing could help them.

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Kelsey felt all eyes on her as she walked through her school to her room. All the older kids anyway. The one's who knew her, or Jake, or even Lyss. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to be at home, with her parents. She didn't want to be in the place where she was told that her sister was dying.

_Kelsey watched as their principal talked with her teacher at the doorway. They were talking in hushed whispers. Everyone was watching them._

_"Oh god, that's terrible.... her Aunt.... okay, I will send her down," they finally her their teacher talk. Kelsey felt like she was in a dream as she watched her walk over to her desk._

_"Kelsey," the teacher sighed. "I'm sorry to say... but your sister Alyssa is in a coma...." Kelsey's eyes widened._

_"NO! NO! NO!" she sobbed. The classroom, and hallway, shaking with her desperate sobs. This wasn't the way she wanted Lyss to go._

She knew this was coming for a long time, but she still wasn't prepared for it. Kels just wanted her sister back. She wished she could have been nicer to her, made an even better relationship than the one she salvaged with her through Lyss's last 7 months of life. Now it was all over.

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Jake was angry. No one understood, no one realized what he was going through, and what he wanted. He wanted to be left alone. Just like the day he was told what had happened.

_"Jake," his teacher said._

_"What is it?" he asked as he put away his folder in his desk._

_"Your sister Alyssa," she murmured. Jake stayed silent. "She's in a coma." Jake was still silent. "You and your sister Kelsey are going to the hospital with your Aunt who is in the office." Silence. The teacher helped him up, he couldn't move on his own, but he didn't want to go where she was leading him. She didn't get it, his older sister, only one year apart, his closest sister, was in a hospital bed, dying, sleeping, never waking up. _

He walked into school with Kelsey and fell in behind her proectively until they arrived at her class. Jake then went to his. There he was bombarded with sympathy and questions, each single one ripping and tearing at his heart.

No one understood that one of his sisters was dead. One of the 'Shepherd Clan' was missing and would never come back. Everyone was just standing on the outside, looking in on their weary family, not comprehending that without Lyss, they would never be the same.

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Derek didn't know he was doing Sophia a favor by making her take the bus to school. This way, if she had taken her car, her empty parking space would have been noticed. Someone could have been able to tell that she was absent from school.

There was no way she could go back to school. It was all too much. Her younger sister dying, her parents increasing absence, an even more drastic change in role as head of the house. So instead Sophia decided to go to the hospital.

She would be able to sit and think there without her parents because she knew they weren't returning just yet. She knew they couldn't. They had to grief for Lyss and work on their pain, _together_. She could be left alone to grieve in peace, something she hasn't been able to do all week.

As Sophia settled herself in the tunnels, knees pulled up to her chest, stacked candy bars next to her, she started to sob loud and clumsy sobs. All her emption finally coming out. Of course Sophia was not expecting a visitor.

"Hello? Hello...... Sophia?" she heard someone call. It was her godmother, Cristina. She didn't want to answer. "Soph!" She heard fast footsteps as Cristina finally reached her, but Sophia wasn't able to see her since her eyes were blurred with tears.

"Are you.... what are you doing here?" Sophia still didn't answer and she was showing no signs of calming down. She felt Cristina gently hand on her back, attempting to calm her down but it was far from working.

"Soph, just take deep breaths with me." Still no answer. For a little while Cristina disappeared leaving Sophia to wallow alone for a few moments. But eventually Cristina returned. This time with Izzie right behind her.

"Soph," Izzie said gently. "Sophia, please listen to us. You have to calm down. Please, for us."

"It's okay," Cristina murmured.

"No it's not," Sophia finally spoke. "Lyss is dead."

"I know," Izzie sighed softly. "And I wish that it wasn't true. But this isn't helping you at all." Sophia realized she was right. Gently she rested her head on Izzie's shoulder who held her tightly as her sobs fizzled out.

"There you go," Izzie whispered in her ear.

"It's okay now," Cristina added. Sophia nodded and lifted her head up, her face red and blotchy from crying so hard.

"Now..." Izzie began. "Why aren't you in school?" Sophia began explaining how she couldn't go back. How her family needed her to be strong and be there. How she had to become so independent and take charge of the family. How she couldn't show her own emotion or grieve because her family was in ruins.

"Sophia," Cristina sighed. "This is not all your responsibility."

"Yes it is," she protested. "I am the older sister. I need to take care of my family."

"Soph," Izzie said. "Your a kid. You may be 17 but your still a kid. A kid who can't get control of her emotions right now. That is to be expected. Your sister is no longer here. This is not all your responsibility. Leave your parents and the rest of your family to us. Right now, you have to focus on you."

"Really?" Sophia whispered.

"Really," Cristina vowed. "We'll take good care of you, we promise." Is this a good thing?

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**Okay, so this is my first chapter of my sequel. It's more of a introduction to what's about to come. The kids all in breakdown mode, Meredith slowly falling apart, Derek trying to stay strong, the family barely holding on, and the rest of the family trying to help although they are still grieving as well. How does that sound like it is gonna work out? Just remember...... I promise you this will have an eventual happy ending but there has to be a lot of steps, angst, and hurt before we get there :)**

**Hope you like it!!!!!!!**

**I'd like to thank 7LuckyStars for helping me like always!**

**A/N: I have this major History/ English project that is due next Monday and I have not started it yet. It could count for my Graduation Project, and is worth 100 points for History and 300 points for English. All updates for any of my stories is gonna be slow but after May 18th they should pick up again. Also, my math teacher decided to give us several packets of work to be due in a few days.... I will update any of my stories as soon as I can though!**

**PLEASE R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2: Tequila

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**This chapter is Noah's birthday. The only Shepherd left is Elizabeth who stayed an extra week to help the family and for the party. Meredith tries to deal with grief in another way. Everyone is at the party.... well.... almost.**

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Noah Shepherd was sad. He wanted his big sister back. He wanted his whole family back. He wanted to find Lyss so badly it hurt. Noah was confused too. His mom was crying all the time, his dad was distant, and his siblings were filled with a whole mix of feelings. He was so happy though, everyone was coming over for his fifth birthday, he was finally five years old. When he left his room though, no one was out, no one was awake.

Slowly he went downstairs and into the empty living room. He could barely read the clock but he could tell that the hand of the clock was on the ten. He frowned and walked back up the stairs and went to his parents door and started banging on it.

"Mommy! Daddy!" he cried. Just then Sophia was walking out of her room.

"Noah, no!" she said quickly and picked him up. "We don't want to wake up Mommy and Daddy."

"But why?" he asked sadly. "It's my birthday."

"I know buddy," Sophia explained while putting him down. "But Mommy and Daddy are sad right now and need rest. They'll be up soon and then they will tell you happy birthday... Okay?"

"Okay," he surrendered. "Can we go wake up Hayley and Paige?"

"It's your birthday," Sophia shrugged and gave him a sad smile. She watched as he ran towards the twins room and opened it up, and ran in. He had no clue why they were all sad. He thought Lyss was on a trip and coming back, he thought he would see her again. He had no clue the next time he would see her would be when he dies. That's something that won't happen for many years.

"Hayley! Paige!" she heard him giggle and jumped up and down on someone's bed. "Up! Up! It's my birthday!" Sophia shook her head. It's good that he was happy. Hopefully everyone could be like Noah one day. Glad that Lyss was out of pain. Happy she found new life. But it was only two weeks after. Only Noah would be like that for a little while longer. Sophia walked into the room after him to see Noah almost on top of Hayley while Paige was covering her head with her pillow.

"Having fun," Sophia laughed.

"Noah," Hayley complained. "Get off and I will get up."

"Well I won't," Paige muttered. Noah only hopped off of Hayley who sat up and rubbed her eyes and got on top of Paige.

"Paigey Paigey wake up," he giggled. Kelsey and Jake walked into the room.

"The birthday boy seems to enjoy waking us up," Kelsey muttered.

"Yeah, we are trying to rest for his... party.... tonight..." Jake said trailing off. Hayley and Paige got up and walked out of their room. Meanwhile Noah sped past them and down the stairs.

"This... this is the first party...." Kels whimpered.

"Without Lyss," Paige sighed.

"Come on," Sophia murmured. "Let's make sure Noah isn't destroying the house.... mom and dad don't need more stress."

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Derek got up slowly and looked at the clock. It was already 11 o'clock. Luckily Noah's party wasn't until 6 so he still had time to get the house ready and give Meredith time to rest even more. Last night was a terrible night when she found another scarf of Lyss's and a spare dance shoe her size uncovered by Hershey.

_Derek walked up the stairs slowly, grief weighing him down. He needed his wife. She had gone up about an hour before to get a bath. When he got up the stairs he heard loud sobbing and ran the rest of the way to Meredith and his room. There he found Meredith curled up in a ball cuddling two things in her hand._

_"Meredith," he gasped and dropped down to the floor next to it. "Mere you have to calm down."_

_"I.... I.... can't," Meredith cried between gasps. Derek rubbed her back gently and lowly maneuvered the two items out of her hands. He looked to find a tan jazz shoe and Lyss's pink scarf in her hand._

_"Oh Mere," Derek sighed._

_"Derek, Lyss.... she's all over the place yet.... yet not..... not here," Mere sobbed. Derek blinked his own tears from his eyes._

_"I know... but she's..." Derek's voice was drowned out by Meredith's sobs. Derek only bit his lip, pressed a kiss to her forehead, and picked her up to carry her to the bedroom where her sobs turned into silent cries as she curled up in a ball, still clutching the scarf._

Slowly Derek went downstairs to find his kids all at the couch watching TV.

"DADDY!" Noah squealed and ran towards Derek and jumped into his arms. "I am five years old today!"

"I know buddy," Derek laughed. "Your such a big boy now."

"And everyone coming for my birthday, right?" he asked.

"Everyone," Derek nodded. "Including Nana." The decided to have it just family. Derek didn't think Meredith could handle other people in the house that were not her family just yet.

"Where Nana?" Noah asked. She had moved into the guest house.

"I am right here," Elizabeth Shepherd said walking into the house.

"NANA!" Noah screamed and ran over.

"Hello birthday boy," Liz said kissing his cheek and setting him down. "How old are you today? Four?"

"No," Noah frowned. "I'm five!"

"Oh... of course... you are getting so big," Elizabeth said. Derek smiled but then frowned. Why was he remembering Lyss's fifth birthday.

_"Happy Birthday to you," everyone sang. "Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Alyssa, Happy Birthday to you!" Lyss was smiling in front of the cake. It was pink and purple with dance shoes all over it._

_"Make a wish baby," Meredith said from next to her. Lyss pulled her long hair back, closed her eyes for a second, and blew out the candles. Everyone clapped._

That was one of the last thing Derek ever did with Lyss besides dance with her at Addie's wedding. It was the day he had gotten home from the neuro conference a couple days early. They had snuggled on the couch, watched home movies, and there was no one else in the world.... or it at least felt like that. Just him and his daughter remembering the good old days. When cancer never existed in their lives, no one was sick, no one was dead, the family was together and happy.

"Derek!" Elizabeth said snapping Derek out of his thought. "Derek!"

"Yeah Mom," Derek sighed.

"What's wrong?" she asked moving closer to him.

"Just... just thinking about.... Ly- Lyss's fifth birthday party," Derek murmured.

"Derek," Liz sighed.

"It's... it's only been two weeks Ma," Derek muttered.

"I know," Liz told him. "It took me years to get over your father, and I still miss him every day. I still can't sleep on his side of the bed. I had to turn to mattress around so it would stop wearing away unevenly."

"Lyss's bed will be like that... just... more like cobwebs," Derek choked out.

"Oh Derek...." Elizabeth said kissing him on the cheek. "It will get better, I promise." Derek nodded. "Where's Meredith?"

"Still sleeping," Derek explained. Elizabeth opened her mouth to say something but Noah interrupted.

"Mommy sleeps all the time cause she miss Lyssa, and I don't like it," he said. "When can Lyssa come back?" Derek sucked in a painful breath.

"Not.... not for a really long time buddy," he choked out.

"Why?" Noah asked.

"Because...." Derek began when the door opened to Izzie. She was holding a basket of muffins.

"I heard there was a birthday boy in here," she joked looking around. "Where is he?" Noah giggled and ran up to her.

"I'm right here Aunt Izzie," he squealed. "I'm five!"

"Well if your five years old then you can get a chocolate chip muffin," Izzie told him handing him one.

"Thanks Aunt Izzie," he giggled and began unwrapping the paper around it.

"Noah, eat that at the table, you'll make a mess," Derek scolded.

"Kay Daddy," Noah said and ran to the table. Derek turned to Izzie.

"As if he was hyper enough Izzie," he sighed. Izzie laughed and was about to say something when Paige interrupted.

"Someone deserves to be happy Daddy," she said quietly. Everyone got quiet thinking of that for a moment.

"Where's Mere?" Izzie asked.

"Still sleeping," Derek shrugged and went towards the kitchen to get much needed coffee. Izzie handed the kids her muffins and they followed him.

"This is terrible Elizabeth," Izzie murmured.

"I know... I hate seeing my only son and his family like this... I never wanted them to ever have to go through what I did with Christopher," Elizabeth agreed. "This is twice for Derek."

"At least your across the country.... I live next door," Izzie sighed.

"And Meredith," Elizabeth added. "She's sick. I mean... really sick. She barely gets out of bed."

"She lost her daughter.... I guess it's to be expected," Izzie shrugged sadly. "I wish she would let us help."

"You've tried Izzie," Elizabeth comforted. "She has to learn to accept Lyss's death on her own terms and that will take a while. We just have to go along with it. Derek is dealing with it by making sure his family is taken care of... but I just don't know if that is good for him, or how long it will take him to snap."

"I just hope it's soon," Izzie murmured. "I want my friends back, I want my whole family back...."

"Don't we all," Elizabeth said sadly and watched as Derek looked at the obituary still on the refrigerator.

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Meredith's eyes opened slowly and looked at the clock. It was three o'clock already. Her head hurt, her heart hurt, her whole body hurt. Every minute she was alive and her daughter was not, Meredith's heart was slowly breaking. Sure, she may be overreacting a little but she didn't care. The child she held her her body for seven and a half months, fed for, provided for, protected, was gone. The little version of her, the one child who showed an interest in surgery. The child who experienced the childhood she had.....

Meredith barely got out of her bed to throw up. She was doing that a lot. That was the once thing she always did when she was upset. It was something in her body that just made her have to run. Her head bent down in the toilet, she heard Derek coming up the stairs. It was obvious he heard her. He bent down beside her and rubbed Mere's back gently. Der whispered words in her ear but she didn't hear them. She couldn't.

When she was done she looked in the mirror. Her face was pale, she had circle under her eyes, she looked horrible. Meredith was embarrassed that her friends had to see her like this, that her family had to see her like this, but she couldn't help it. She was like a walking zombie. Meredith couldn't remember what day it was... nor hear what Noah was babbling on and on about. She just needed to get away. She needed an escape.

There was one thing she knew. One thing she had begun to quit once Lyss was diagnosed. The one thing that got her through the fights with her husband.

Tequila.

But this wasn't the time for it. She knew it. But Meredith also knew she needed to get away, just for a little. But yet, Meredith felt she was forgetting something. It wasn't until she grabbed the keys to the SUV that she was reminded.

"Meredith," Derek called. "Where are you going?"

"I.... I need fresh air," she murmured weakly.

"Be careful," Derek warned and kissed her forehead. "And be back by five, that's when everyone is coming for Noah's party." Meredith smacked her forehead. "What?"

"I forgot," she muttered ashamed. Derek only pulled her in for a hug.

"It's okay," Derek whispered in her ear.

"What kind of mother forgets her own son's birthday," she laughed bitterly.

"A mother who is dealing with the death of her daughter," Derek murmured quietly. Meredith sighed, kissed his cheek, said goodbye to everyone else, and left the house and got into the car.

She started to drive towards the park but turned around. Then she started towards the hospital but remembered that if anyone caught her there she would be dead. So Meredith went to the docks to watch the ferry boats. It was still one of the only things that could ever calm her down. The water was relaxing.

A few tears started to roll down her face so Mere reached into the glove compartment for some tissues. That's when her hand stumbled across a CD. Meredith's breath caught in her throat when she realized what CD it was. It was Wicked, also known as Lyss's favorite CD to listen to. Ever since she saw it with Derek was she was eight going on nine, Lyss loved to blast it and sing to the songs loudly.

That is when the sobs started. Mere's uncontrollable sobs that wracked her whole body. She couldn't take it. She just couldn't. It wasn't fair.

Once she was calmed down enough that is when she made the decision. She needed at least one drink before going home to the party. Meredith didn't care if she was a little late. If she was going to get through that day, let alone the rest of her life, she needed a drink. With shaky hands Meredith drove towards Joe's, parked the car, and walked towards the bar.

"Meredith," Joe said in surprise. "Haven't seen you around.... I heard about your daughter, I am so sorry."

"I am not here to chat about my daughter who died of cancer Joe," Meredith said curtly. "I need tequila and I need it now!" Joe's eyes widened as he poured her a shot. Meredith smiled in satisfaction when she felt the burn down her throat. "Keep them coming Joe." She didn't realize it was five o'clock.

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"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Noah, Happy Birthday to you," everyone sang. Derek looked around and his fist clenched. His wife was not there. She promised. It did break his heart to see Ali huddled near her Mom, no one to hang out with now Lyss was gone.

"Daddy," Noah said, looking up and not seeing his mother.

"Yeah buddy," Derek said making his voice calm. He looked up at Cristina and Izzie. They only shrugged and Cristina started texting someone, probably Mere.

"Where's Mommy," he whimpered and everyone's eyes softened. "Is... is she on a trip like Lyssa... cause I don't want to lose Mommy.." His bottom lip quivered.

"No Noah," Derek sighed.

"Then where is she... she didn't even wish me happy birthday.... does she still love me?" he said and started crying.

"Noah you're Mommy loves you very much," Lexie put it.

"Then where is she?" he wailed.

"Noah.... Noah it's your birthday, you can't cry," Sophia said gently bending down beside his chair.

"But I want Mommy," Noah cried. "Where is Mommy?"

"Buddy.... Mommy is just out getting you a super cool birthday present, she may not make it but I bet you will love your new present," Derek lied, silently cursing himself because now he had to buy Noah a super cool birthday present.

"Really," he sniffed.

"Really buddy," Mark added seeing Derek was too angry to explain anymore or he would explode. "Now make a wish and blow out your candles." Noah obeyed and everyone clapped. Izzie cut his cake and started serving while Derek stormed into the kitchen, Mark, George, Owen, and Alex behind him.

"WHERE IS SHE!" he yelled.

"Derek calm down," George said.

"SHE KNOWS IT IS HIS BIRTHDAY!" Derek screamed angrily slamming his fist on the counter. "HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO US..... HIM!"

"Derek.... Derek," Mark said holding his friends arms down. "Meredith.... she made a mistake but she is missing Lyss and..."

"That is no excuse," Derek spat out bitterly. "You think I don't miss my daughter.... you don't think I am sad and heartbroken that she is dead.... but you see me here don't you..."

"I know but..." Alex began.

"There are no buts," Derek hissed and stalked back into the room. Noah was finished his cake and begging to open presents. It didn't take long for him to destroy all the wrapping paper to uncover his gifts, thank everyone, and say goodbye as they all left. All and all Noah was satisfied with everything. He was so happy about his big, super cool present he was getting and forgot all about Meredith's absence, sorta. He still insisted on saving a piece of cake for his Mommy and wanted to stay up until she got home, but Derek sent him to his room anyway.

Now Derek sat on the couch in his darkened house, fuming. He hadn't been this mad since Lyss's rebellion. When he and Meredith, fighting at the time, had sat for hours just waiting to punish their escaped daughter. It wasn't until around midnight when Meredith stumbled in incoherently. Derek saw a cab pull away from the house and immediately smelled the alcohol. This made him angrier.

"Derek," Meredith squinted and walked over to him, only to pass out in his arms. Derek sighed and looked down at her limp figure. Gently he set her down on the couch, on her side so she wouldn't suffocate if she threw up. He was furious, but he didn't want her dead. Reluctantly he kissed her on the cheek and turned around, but not before putting an empty bucket next to the couch. Derek was so thankful that all the kids, even Noah, had school the next day. With one last look he went upstairs and in his bed.

She was drunk now, but she was sober when she made the decision to skip Noah's party and go to Joe's. And to Derek, despite everything that has happened this past year, it was unforgivable.....

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**Meredith didn't make it to the party because she went out and got drunk. What will Derek do the next day when she is sober? What will happen to confused and innocent Noah? What about the rest of the Shepherd's? And don't think I am making Meredith the villain or anything... like Izzie said.... she is sick.... like kind of missing Lyss sick and stuff.... well you'll see :) There will be something that shows Meredith and Derek that she is sick and.... okay it's not good but..... This is the beginning of all the angst, but like I have said before... it will be a happy ending!!!!!!! I PROMISE :)**

**Hope you like it!!!!!!!**

**A/N: Okay, so far I only have one final the morning of June 15th so i will be having more frequent updates :)**

**PLEASE R&R!**


	3. Chapter 3: Sick

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**Derek said that what Meredith did was unforgivable... what will he do when she wakes up????? How will this affect the family??????**

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Meredith groaned as her eyes squinted open. She could make out a fuzzy figure standing over her.

"Derek," she whispered now realizing she had a headache. She only got a grunt as a response. Meredith didn't know what happened last night, but Derek did. Slowly her vision cleared and saw her frowning husband standing over her. "Wh-what?"

"What was yesterday Meredith?" Derek spat. This took Meredith by surprise.

"I... I.... Noah's birthday.... no.... no I didn't," Meredith whispered.

"Yes you did," Derek hissed and threw a tylenol bottle at her.

"I... I... Derek I am sorry," Meredith murmured and looked down.

"You skipped your son's fifth birthday party, the son who is missing his older sister as much as we all are.... and you went to Joe's... you were drinking...." Derek yelled as Meredith sat up. "You don't owe me an apology... your son needs one... and you can start by buying him a super cool birthday present that I had to promise him to get him to stop crying."

"I... it was a mistake Der," Meredith sighed running her fingers through her hair. "I was just missing..."

"I AM MISSING MY DAUGHTER TOO!" Derek screamed making Meredith shrink back. "BUT I AM NOT ABANDONING MY FAMILY!"

"Derek... I am not..." Meredith protested.

"What do you call what you did?" he said harshly while pushing a suitcase towards her.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Enough clothes and supplies for a week," Derek said turning around.

"You're kicking me out," Meredith breathed.

"I'm certianly not leaving... your the one who broke your son's heart... I can barely look at you... I can't go to bed with you next to me.... you can sleep in the guest house," Derek spat.

"So that's it Derek," Meredith yelled standing up and wavering slightly as the room spinned. "Your just gonna give up on me."

"You obviosuly don't want help... you obviously don't care abnout your family... you obviously don't care about me, then why should I," he muttered coldly.

"Derek... I... we don't quit like this... we can't go back to when Lyss was rebelling we can't break our family again," Meredith sighed.

"WE!" Derek screamed and turned on her. "THE ONLY ONE BREAKING OUR FAMILY IS YOU! I AM NOT QUITTING! YOU ARE!"

"Derek..." Meredith cried, tears sliding down her face.

"And this is not like Lyss's rebellion," Derek muttered. "Because this time... I am done."

"Derek... Derek... Derek no... we can work this out... please..." Meredith begged.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT MEREDITH! I JUST CAN'T..." Derek screamed. "I'm done..." With that he stormed up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door shut.

"DEREK!" Meredith sobbed and turned around and looked at all the pictures of Lyss that were still up. She sighed and buried her hands in her head. "Oh god.... Lyss... what am I going to do....."

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"You got to be kidding me!"

There were four other people who watched this scene unfold. But they weren't there.

"I mean this is unbelieveable... they are fighting instead of getting help," one of the people, the only woman hissed. "I taught her better than this."

"Carolyn did something like this for me... she fought with Nancy," the next person, a man with dark curly hair and blue eyes murmured.

"How could they do this to themselves, I mean they weren't even like this in the hospital when I saw them," another person, a boy with short brown hair said.

"At least you didn't have to save one of them from the dead... I mean they have got to be the most stubborn people I have ever met," the final person, a man with short brown hair and facial hair sighed.

"They are hurting themselves."

"They are hurting their family."

"Why?"

"They are missing me... that's why," a new person, a young girl with long blond hair and bright green eyes whispered. "They are missing me and taking all of their grief and anger out on themselves."

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"Daddy," Noah asked as they sat down for dinner. "Where is Mommy?"

"She won't be joining us for dinner tonight," Derek shrugged.

"Why?" Sophia asked skepticallly. Narrowing her eyes at her dad.

"Still working on Noah's big present," Derek said with a smille, a fake smile. The truth was Meredith had fell asleep again on the couch. Derek had come down, and flipped out. Meredith stormed out of the house and he hadn't seen her since. He assumed she was at Joe's. Or she got a new stash and brought it to the guest house. That was the most logical explanation seeing as a light in the guest house was on.

Knowingly, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige turned around. They saw that the guest house light was on. They all knew what happened. The dinner continued in an awkward silence. The pictures of Lyss seemed to be watching the family. When dinner was finished, Jake, Kels, and Noah went down to the basement to play the Wii while Hayley, Sophia, and Paige helped Derek clean up.

"Where is Mom," Sophia asked as soon as the younger kids were gone.

"And don't lie to us Dad," Paige added.

"We knew something was up as soon as we saw her laying on the couch this morning," Hayley said.

"There's nothing to say," Derek shrugged nonchalantly.

"And we'll believe that.... never," Sophia said putting the dishes in the sink. "We know something is wrong."

"Go ask your mother then," Derek spat. "Oh wait.... you probably won't get anything coherant... why you ask.... cause she is a drunk and DRINKING right now!" The girls gasped. Not just at the fact that their mother was drinking again, but the fact that they never heard their father talk about their mother like this. Although they were already 15 and almost 17, this scared them.

"Dad.... you can't just.... give up," Hayley sighed. "Would Lyss...."

"Don't bring up your sister... I know Lyss wouldn't approve but...." Derek hissed.

"But Mom is only drowning out her sorrow," Paige protested. "She's upset, she hysterical, she's..."

"A drunk who doesn't care about this family," Derek interjected harshly.

"Daddy, you know that's not true," Sophia said. "You love her...."

"I did," Derek whispered making them gasp. "Now go give this plate to her...." They looked up at him in sorrow. They couldn't believe that he was talking like this.

"But dad," Sophia protested.

"DO AS I SAY SOPHIA CRISTINA!" Derek screamed making the girls flinch. Not used to seeing their dad this way, they grabbed the plate, ran to the back, and went to the guest house.

"Mom," Hayley called.

"Mommy," Sophia whimpered.

"Girls," Meredith said hoarsely from the couch. A bottle of tequila was next to her.

"Here's your dinner Mommy," Paige sighed and sat it down. Meredith didn't say anything but herr appearance made the girls sob and run out. Meredith was sick... definitely sick.

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**So Mer is living in the guest house.... will Derek ever realize she is sick? Will he realize it in time? Will Meredith? Will the family fall apart? And don't think I am making Meredith the villain or anything... like Izzie said.... she is sick.... like kind of missing Lyss sick and stuff.... well you'll see :) There will be something that shows Meredith and Derek that she is sick and.... okay it's not good but..... it's gonna get really angsty but like I have said before... it will be a happy ending!!!!!!! I PROMISE :)**

**Hope you like it!!!!!!!**

**A/N: Finals are practically over... summer vacation ..... UPDATES! I will try and get them all in in July because my August is booked....**

**PLEASE R&R!**


	4. Chapter 4: Need Help

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**Mer and Der are pretty much separated... at least in Derek's mind. They are both dealing with grief in two different ways. Derek is going ballistic with anger and Mer is drowning her sorrows. How long until this is too much on them and their family.  
**

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"She's living in the guest house," one of the nurses said to Olivia and several others.. They didn't notice Mark, Lexie, George, Izzie, Alex, Cristina, Owen, Addie, and Kevin watching them.

"I know the Shepherd's Kayley," Olivia told her. "And I also knew Lyss. She was one incredible girl and easily missed. I only saw her when she was in the halls here and yet I still kind of miss her."

"But I heard Dr. Grey... Shepherd.... whatever skipped her own sons party to get drunk and Dr. Shepherd beat the crap out of her," another nurse said. Olivia stepped back as she noticed the Shepherd's friends walking towards them, now fed up.

"Don't you dare ever talk about our friends like that again," Izzie hissed.

"Their daughter.... our niece is dead for crying out loud," Alex boomed.

"They aren't even back yet so all that you are spreading around is rumors," Addie growled.

"So I suggest the Seattle Grace rumor mill revolving around the Shepherd's stops now.... before it gets ugly," Cristina threatened. At the sound of that all of the nurses scattered.

"It's like we are in high school again," George spat as he watched them all leave.

"I know.... it's sick," Lexie muttered.

"We'll never let them know most of that's true.... will we?" Owen asked.

"It's not all true," Mark stepped in. "No matter how much tension is in that house I know for a fact that Derek would never hit Meredith, she's the love of his life. They only one he ever hit was...." He trailed off.

"If she was here none of this would happen," George sighed.

"No duh Bambi.... they wouldn't have been fighting at all if Lyss wasn't dead," Cristina snapped.

"Stop it," Izzie yelled. "Fighting will make us as bad as them."

"I am so glad I finally decided to move back now," Addie murmured.

"It's so hard, watching them I mean," Lexie said.

"They are blind to their pain. If they just sat and talked about it.... they could take comfort in each other. Not taking comfort in hurting each other," Kevin sighed.

"The whole neighborhood can hear their fights," Izzie said. "They just go at it if they even see each other."

"Derek won't even let her in the house... Sophia, Hayley, or Paige have to get anything she needs," Alex added.

"How are the girls... and everyone for that matter doing?" Mark asked. "I haven't really seen them since the uh.... funeral."

"I don't think any of them want to be in the house," Izzie murmured. "Noah has been coming over a lot, Sophia sends him there. Jake's been sleeping over with Michel a lot too."

"If I knew that Lyss would have made so much of an impact I would have..." Mark said but trailed off.

"Mark," Lexie sighed. "What could you have done. Say 'you're my goddaughter and you'll do as I say and fight.' That doesn't sound like you... okay you'd say that to everyone else... but Lyss. You know how unhappy she was. How trapped. You danced with her first. She could barely stand on your feet. You and none of us here would have wanted her to stay like that. Be in so much pain. Go against her wishes for our benefit."

"She's right Mark," Owen told him. "There was nothing any of us could do."

"But we can't just sit around and watch our family fall apart," Addison said.

"We can't do nothing," Kevin added.

"Meredith and Derek are suffering and sick and hurting, they are too vain, proud, and too much in grief to do anything about it themselves," George commented.

"Our friends need our help," Alex nodded. They all sat still for a moment. That's when Izzie's eyes lit up.

"I got it!" she exclaimed. "An intervention!"

"Okay...." Cristina nodded. "Barbies got an idea.... but how can we do an intervention when they won't speak to each other, let alone be in the same room with each other without almost killing each other."

"We have to force them," Alex told them.

"Force them to listen to each other," George nodded.

"Force them to realize how stupid they are being and how much they really love each other," Lexie said.

"We can get Sam, Naomi, Violet, Coop, Pete, and Dell to come," Addison said.

"And we can get the Shepherd's.... they wouldn't dare do anything with Mom, Nancy, or Kath there," said Mark.

"Perfect," Izzie nodded.

"When?" Cristina asked.

"Well Derek won't let Mere in the house and Mere probably won't let him anywhere near the guest house," Mark shrugged. "And I am not sure how often Mere is sober..." He trailed off.

"The hospital.... when they come back to work," Lexie suggested. "April 18th."

"It's already April 6th so we got 12 days to plan this," Izzie stated.

"We should tell the kids too," Alex said. "To help out."

"I know Sophia, Hayley, and Paige would do anything to help," Addie said.

"So it's settled... know all we have to do is call the Shepherd's and the L.A crew," Izzie said. They didn't know three certain girls beat her to one of them.

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"I DO CARE ABOUT MY FAMILY DEREK CHRISTOPHER FUCKING SHEPHERD!"

This had been going on for the past ten minutes. The Shepherd kids sat in silence as they heard the newest of the several screaming fights between their parents.

Sophia was holding Noah close to her chest, to muffles his loud sobs. Hayley and Paige shared their father's chair silent. Kels an Jake sat on either side of Sophia, staring forward, every so often their lips quivering. It was almost the same position they were in the day Lyss died.

"THEY WHY AREN'T YOU LIVING IN THE HOUSE MEREDITH _GREY_!" Derek screamed.

"BECAUSE SOMEONE WON'T LET ME!" Meredith yelled.

"BECAUSE SOMEONE THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO ABANDON THEIR FAMILY AT THE WORST TIME POSSIBLE, SKIPPED THEIR SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY, DEVASTATED THAT SON, AND GOT DRUNK!"

"YOU'RE STILL GOING ON ABOUT THAT!" Meredith spat bitterly. "IT WAS ONE FUCKING MISTAKE! GET OVER IT DEREK!"

"I CAN'T WHEN THAT ONE MISTAKE HURT MY FAMILY!"

"I'M YOUR FAMILY TOO!"

"I WAS YOUR FAMILY!" Everyone heard the gasp put of their mother's mouth before they gasped themselves.

"AND WHAT WOULD LYSS SAY IF SHE HEARD YOU SPEAKING LIKE THAT!"

"DON'T BRING HER INTO THE CONVERSATION MEREDITH!"

"IF LYSS WAS ALIVE NONE OF THIS WOULD BE HAPPENING!"

"WELL SHE'S NOT!" Meredith had enough by now and the kids heard her storm away and slam the door of the guest house. They also heard their father's car start up and drive away. He had been going to their cabin on his land whenever he and Meredith fought, probably to cool down and to fish.

The house was now completely silent. That was until Noah lifted his head.

"PHIA," he wailed.

"Shhh buddy," Sophia whispered, fighting back her own tears. "It's okay."

"I want Mommy," he sobbed. "And Daddy! And Lyssa!" Sophia bit her lip.

"Hayley, Paige," Sophia nodded towards him. They both nodded and took her place as she got up and walked towards the back. The five remaining siblings cuddled on the couch and the older ones attempted to quiet the little four year old. Sophia came up to the door of the guest house and pounded on it angrily. Meredith opened the door slowly.

"Sophia," she sighed.

"Are you sober?" Sophia asked, her voice flat. Meredith bowed her head in shame.

"I am," she whispered.

"Your son wants you," Sophia said narrowing her eyes at her mother.

"Your father?" Meredith asked.

"Gone..." Sophia spat. Meredith nodded and walked into the house and up to the couch. Sophia followed her and came in as Noah's head lifted up to meet Meredith's.

"MOMMY!" he sobbed as held his arms out to her.

"Baby," Mere sighed. "Mommy's here." She lifted his body into her arms and cradled him close to her chest.

"Momma.... I want Lyssa," Noah sniffed.

"I do too baby.... I do too. But Lyssa's on her trip," Meredith whispered. "Do you want me to tuck you into bed?" Noah nodded and rested his head on her shoulder. She looked down at the rest of her kids. Hayley and Paige were glaring at her while Kelsey and Jake looked terrified. "Come on," she nodded to Jake and Kelsey. Gratefully they rushed to her side and with her spare arm she hugged them both.

Sophia, Hayley, and Paige followed her up. They watched as she helped Noah into his pajamas, and still crying, placed him gently in bed.

"Mommy... why aren't you living in our house anymore?" Noah whimpered.

"Cause Mommy just misses Lyssa a lot so she wants some quiet time," Meredith told him.

"Oh," he whispered.

"Goodnight baby," Meredith said and kissed him on the cheek.

"Me not a baby anymore Mommy, I am five," Noah told her.

"Oh course my big boy," Meredith sighed. "I love you Noah."

"Love you Mommy." Meredith walked to Jake's room who was already half asleep.

"Sleep well buddy," she whispered while running her hand through his curly dark hair. "I love you so much and you are being so brave."

"Love you Mom," Jake murmured. Meredith walked to Kelsey's room last. She was still sitting up in bed, a light on, and staring at her. Meredith sat on the edge.

"Mom," she said. "I don't want you and daddy to fight anymore." Meredith smiled sadly and stroked her face gently, slowly pulling a curl from her face.

"Sweetheart... I promise... everyone will get a lot better very soon," Meredith sighed.

"You promised that before," Kelsey said. "When you first told us Lyss had cancer. You told us that she'd get very sick for a while but you promised that she'd get better."

"Oh Kels," Meredith murmured. "I shouldn't have promised you that, but this promise I am definitely going to keep... okay?"

"Okay," Kelsey said.

"Now get some rest... you have school tomorrow," Meredith said and cupped her face before placing a kiss gently on her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too." Meredith shut out her light and walked outside where she met the unwelcoming faces of her three older daughters.

"You said goodnight," Hayley said curtly. "Now get out."

"Hayley Logan Shepherd," Meredith said shocked.

"Before Dad gets home," Paige stepped in and the three girls walked down the stairs. They saw the clock said only 8 o'clock but from all the distress everyone was exhausted.

"That's fair," Meredith sighed. "You all know how much I love you right?"

"Yeah," Sophia murmured.

"Goodnight," Meredith whispered. One by one she stroked each of the girls' cheeks and kissed their forehead's gently before leaving the room. Once she was in the guest house the girls sat at the kitchen table.

"This is unbelievable," Paige spat.

"There has to be something we can do," Hayley sighed. "I can't stand it anymore."

"If Nana was here, she'd know what to do," Sophia said. Paige gasped.

"Sophia that's brilliant!" Paige exclaimed.

"What?" Sophia questioned.

"Stupid," Hayley teased. "Why don't we just call Nana."

"I am brilliant," Sophia laughed and grabbed the phone.

"Shut up," Paige hissed playfully as Sophia dialed Elizabeth Shepherd's number and hit speaker.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice said on the other line.

"Sorry Nana," Sophia said. "Did we wake you?"

"Sophia!" Elizabeth said happily. "No, no it's fine... what's up. Who else is with you?"

"Me and Paige," Hayley answered.

"It's wonderful to hear from you darlings... so how's life in Seattle?" Elizabeth asked cautiously. The girls went silent. "Something's wrong..."

"Nothing slips past you Nana," Paige sighed.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Well..." Sophia began telling her everything that has happened in the past 21 days since Lyss died. All the fights, the drunkenness, the separation.

"Oh my..." Elizabeth breathed. "I knew there'd be tension but... not that much."

"Can you help us... please?" Paige begged. "We don't know what to do."

"We're scared," Hayley admitted.

"I'll do more then help," Elizabeth promised. "I'll come there."

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"So.... you see what's gonna happen?" the brunette haired ghost boy said to the girl with straight blond hair.

"No," she whispered, shook her head, and back away. "No, no, no, no, no.... it can't."

"It will, and we can't stop it," the blond women said standing next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder. The two looked exactly alike except the age difference.

"I have to try," the girl said breaking away from her grasp.

"You can't do anything," a new voice said, it was a little girl.

"They're my family, I would go to the end of the earth to protect them," the girl sighed.

"We've all tried and failed, there is nothing to do but wait Lyss," the boy said.

"We'll see about that," Lyss growled as her image faded out and she disappeared.

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**Their friends have a plan.... but will their idea to wait until they start work again be too late?????  
**

**Hope you like it!!!!!!!**

**A/N: I am trying... sorry I have not been that consistent with updates, I am trying to finish the others so I have more time to update my newer ones.  
**

**PLEASE R&R!**


	5. Chapter 5: Much Worse

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**There will be two more chapters until the 'big thing' that ghost Lyss, Chase, and Lucy were talking about. One mainly about the friends and Shepherd's but with some of the family, and one about the family but with some interaction with their friends and the Shepherd's. How long until this is too much on them and their family.  
**

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"Okay..... Thanks Elizabeth.... Are you gonna call..... Okay.... See you on the 18th.... Bye!" Izzie said on a phone as they all sat in conference room.

"So..." Lexie asked. Izzie laughed.

"The little stinkers," Izzie said.

"Who?" Mark asked.

"Sophia, Hayley, and Paige," Izzie said.

"What?" Cristina asked.

"They called Elizabeth already, she was about to book a flight here," Izzie told them. "Now she booked one for the 18th."

"Great minds think alike I guess," Alex shrugged.

"You guys will.... great thanks! I'll see you all on the 18th.... yeah I miss you too.... But Lyss.... yeah.... okay..... bye guys," Addison said on her phone.

"Obviously they are coming," Kevin said.

"Yepp," Addie nodded. "They want to do anything they can to help. And it's good because now we'll have two shrinks there, Vi and Kath."

"I am so telling them you said that," Mark chuckled.

"I don't care," Addie shrugged. "They won't care anyway. They are coming here for Meredith and Derek. And for Lyss."

"Do you actually think this will work?" George asked.

"It has to," Izzie told everyone. "Otherwise our family is broken. I am pretty sure Derek is about to call a divorce attorney."

"How do you know that?" Cristina asked.

"Because," Alex answered. "The last fight that we heard Derek screamed 'I'm hiring a divorce attorney!' Mere said 'Me too!' and they stormed away from each other." Everyone went silent.

"We'll have to act fast then," Lexie sighed.

"I know," George murmured.

"We can do it," Addie said confidently. "We're a family. A strong family, if anything Lyss's death will help us have the courage."

"I hope so," Alex muttered.

"What are you fools doing in here?" Miranda said opening the door. "There are patients in this hospital who need their attending's." Everyone froze. How could they forget Bailey? She would easily scare either Meredith or Derek.

"Just the person we wanted to speak to," Izzie smiled.

"Isobel Katherine Stevens Karev," Miranda growled. "You are smiling, nothing good ever comes out of you smiling."

"It's a good thing, we promise Miranda," Addie reassured.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery Nelson," Miranda sighed. "It doesn't reassure me of anything if your saying it's a good thing.... now just tell me what you are all doing so I can fix it." Everyone laughed.

"We're planning a little intervention," Cristina admitted.

"Good lord what have they done?" Miranda asked immediately.

"Um... they want to hire divorce attorney's," Lexie explained. Miranda's mouth dropped open in shock.

"They.... did... not," she spat.

"Me and Alex heard them," Izzie told her.

"Mer's living in the guest house," Alex added.

"And drinking herself into an oblivion," George said as well.

"Derek's also gained a temper himself," Kevin said finally. Miranda shook her head and put her hand up.

"That's all I need to hear.... when?" she commanded.

"The 18th," Izzie said.

"Where?"

"Here, 2 pm," Cristina told her.

"Who else?"

"Liz, Kath, Nance, Em, Lynds, Nay, Sam, Vi, Coop, Dell, and Pete," Addison explained.

"See you then," Miranda nodded and left.

"That was easy," Alex said in shock.

"Bailey may act annoyed, and will never admit it, but she loves being in this family," Izzie commented.

"What about the kids," George asked. "Have you told them?"

"Actually, I called Sophia and she is bringing everyone but Noah here after school," Izzie said.

"What time... I want to be here?" Cristina said and everyone agreed.

"Four thirty," Izzie answered.

"Well we better get back to work or Bailey will kick our asses," Lexie said.

"Actually, Bailey looked like she wanted to kick Shep's ass," Mark said. Everyone sighed. As they all walked out of the room, the person looking at the OR board shocked them.

"Derek," Izzie choked out.

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"Mom," Kathleen said as she juggled the phone and dirty dishes at the same time. "What is this about?"

"What did our idiot brother do now?" Nancy added.

"Your brother is certainly an idiot," Elizabeth said.

"Mom," Lyndsey muttered. Elizabeth Shepherd stayed silent for a second and took a deep breath before speaking again.

"He and Meredith are separated," Liz sighed.

"WHAT?!

"HOW COULD HE!?"

"THEY DIDN'T CALL US?!"

"WHEN!?

"A couple days ago," Liz admitted.

"Are they mad!" Nancy exclaimed.

"Or like mentally retarded," Emma said. "But of course it is Derbear."

"Em!" Lynds exclaimed.

"They well... they've been fighting a battle with each other and with grief," Elizabeth told them sadly. "Grief is overpowering all."

"I can't believe this!" Kath breathed.

"That's not the worst part," Elizabeth admitted.

"What could be worse then that!" Emma asked warily.

"Mere.... she's.... well she's drinking heavily," Liz murmured.

"No!" Lyndsey said. "That's not going to help at all."

"All her and Derek do is scream at each other, I think she needs an escape," Elizabeth told them.

"It doesn't give her an excuse... she's the only Shepherd sister who is still a Shepherd... I kind of want to keep it that way and her drinking is not helping," Kathleen told her mother. "I have many patients who drink and all it does is hurt them more."

"What are we going to do?" Emma asked.

"Well, Izzie and the rest of them are planning an intervention," Elizabeth said.

"When?" Kath said immediately. "Because I for one am going no matter what."

"Agreed," Lyndsey murmured.

"It's on the 18th," Liz sighed. "I already told them your going."

"Who else is coming?" Nancy asked.

"Addie's friends from L.A," Elizabeth said.

"Good, Violet will be there.... I will need all the help I can get to get through to these idiots," Kathleen sighed.

"See you on the 18th," Emma said.

"See you on the 18th," the girls agreed.

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Derek was at the hospital. Derek was at the hospital and it pissed them off. His excuse was that he had to get away from Mere. Of course he forgot he was talking to her friends too. His friends just wanted him to open his eyes, hopefully the intervention would help. One thing they had to make sure of was that his children didn't see him when they got here.

They could only imagine the emotional wreck they all must be and knowing Derek was giving up on their mother so much he was working too soon could push them over the edge.

"Aunt Izzie!" Sophia exclaimed when she saw her Aunt standing at the entrance. She ran forward and into her arms, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels following.

"Hey guys," she smiled.

"So what's up?" Hayley asked.

"Why are we here? Kelsey asked."

"Let's go to a conference room," Izzie told them and had them follow her inside. When they got to the room, everyone's eyes lit up. They hadn't really seen their family that much since Lyss's death, since the fighting.

"What is this all about?" Sophia asked, after the excitement wore off.

"Guys... we came up with a plan to help your parents," Alex told them. Everyone looked down, suddenly somber.

"Oh," Paige sighed. "So you all know what's happening."

"Yes, and we have a great idea," Lexie told them.

"What?" Jake asked looking up.

"A little intervention," Mark explained.

"To get them to realize they're only hurting themselves and their family. To get them to open their eyes and realize what's wrong," Addie added.

"To make them understand that they should be celebrating Lyss's life, not letting their grief destroy their lives," Izzie finished.

"That's better then our plan," Hayley told them.

"What was yours?" George asked.

"Um... well it was going to be locking them in the guest house together till they talked without yelling," Sophia shrugged. "Not a great plan but we are kids."

"Well now you have us, it's gonna be okay," Izzie told them.

"That's what Mom said after Lyss died, that's what she said before they got divorce attorney's," Kelsey hissed. Everyone looked at them in shock. They had less time and more work to do then they thought. Luckily it was already April 13th, only 5 days to go.

"Well this time... it is the truth," Lexie reassured.

"That's what she said too," Kelsey whispered. Just then they heard Sophia gasp. Everyone looked up as they noticed her staring at something outside the room. The blinds were open just slightly, but Derek was clearly seen at the nurses station.

"No," she hissed.

"Sophia," Mark grabbed her hand.

"Daddy," Kelsey whimpered.

"Guys... they are going through a rough patch we..." Cristina began.

"Don't give us that bull shit!" Sophia exclaimed. She wrenched away from Mark. "LET GO OF ME!"

"Sophia," most of them called as she stormed out of the room.

"HOW COULD YOU!" they heard her scream at Derek.

"Phia," Derek sighed.

"HOW DARE YOU USE MY NICKNAME! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!" Sophia yelled. "YOU SAY MOM IS BETRAYING US! WELL SO ARE YOU! YOU ARE RUINING OUR FAMILY AND OUR LIVES! YOU USE LYSS'S DEATH AS AN EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING YET YOU WON'T FORGIVE MOM FOR ONE MISTAKE THAT SHE DID BECAUSE OF HER DEATH! YOUR A FUCKING LIAR! YOU SAY YOU LOVE US BUT YOU DON'T! YOUR AN ASSHOLE! I HATE YOU! AND I HATE MOM TOO! I HOPE YOUR HAPPY!" She stopped an raised her head to the sky. "I HOPE YOUR HAPPY TOO LYSS! I HOPE YOUR HAPPY WE LET YOU GIVE UP! I HOPE YOUR HAPPY THAT YOUR FAMILY IS DESTROYED BECAUSE OF YOU!"

With that she stormed away, leaving Derek shocked, everyone in the conference room stunned, and the entire hospital silent. It was much worse then they thought.

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"Lyss... she doesn't mean that," Chase comforted.

"I... I... I have to do something!" Lyss sobbed.

"You can't I know you want to but you can't," Ellis sighed.

"It's not fair!" she wailed. "I have to save my family!"

"They can do it on their own, I know they can," Lucy told her.

"You don't know what it was ever like to live in that house. We all loved each other so much. We all cared for each other. When things like this happen. We don't recover. Just look what happened to me..."

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**Hope you like it!!!!!!! Okay yeah I sound to happy but that is because I know what is going to happen and I am so excited for it :) Lyss is going to come into the story even more soon, for a very very very very important reason!  
**

**A/N: I am trying... sorry I have not been that consistent with updates, I am trying to finish the others so I have more time to update my newer ones.  
**

**PLEASE R&R!**


	6. Chapter 6: Not A Dream

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**There will be one more chapter until the 'big thing' that ghost Lyss, Chase, and Lucy were talking about. This chapter is mainly about the family. Like a section for Mer, Der, and a couple of the kids. I may even add a little something for Lyss's friends because they haven't been in the story except Hayley and Paige seeing them in school the first chapter.  
**

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Kelsey looked around at the dinner table. It was silent. Completely silent. Two chairs were empty. One for Lyss. One for Mer. Sophia was glaring at Derek, they haven't spoken since the blow out three days ago. Hayley and Paige were looking down, trying to ignore the tension. Jake was helping Noah cut up things on his plate, distracting himself and trying to keep their little brother happy.

How did their family get like this?

No one really knew. The past month has really been a blur. Ever since Lyss fell into a coma and died, ever since Mer got drunk, ever since their father kicked their mother out, ever since they found a divorce attorney circled in the yellow pages on their father's desk.

Every day was painful. Every day was everlasting. Every day tore their family apart.

Kelsey watched as her father picked up his plate, put it in the sink, and headed towards the door.

"Leaving us again," Sophia spat, speaking to no one in particular. Derek turned around, scowled, and walked out the door.

"Phia, I done," Noah said, although his plate was half full of food. Sophia didn't question, just allowed him to run down the basement.

"I need to study," Paige said and pushed her plate away. Hayley followed suit and the twins went to their room.

"I'm gonna go with Noah," Jake shrugged and pushed his plate away as well. This left Kelsey and Sophia at the table. The oldest and the youngest sisters of the Shepherd family. They sat in silence picking at their food until Sophia began to clear the table and Kels helped.

"Soph," Kelsey said quietly.

"Yeah hun," Sophia said distractedly.

"Can you um.... drive me to dance today... I haven't gone in a couple weeks," Kels muttered, embarrassed. She didn't feel comfortable going on with her life while Lyss's ended. She didn't feel right going to the same dance studio that Lyss had once gone to.

"Of course Kels," Sophia attempted to smile. "What time?"

"In a half and hour," Kels sighed.

"Well go get ready, I'll finish cleaning up and run you over," Sophia told her. Kels nodded and walked upstairs. As she slipped on her leotard and jazz shoes she remembered the last time she danced with Lyss. It had been in the Christmas show two years ago, they were both elves. Kels was a Jr. while Lyss was a Sr. It had actually been the summer before the show, when they started practicing. Lyss had scowled at the fact that their teacher made them partners.

_"Come on show us the dance," Mark smirked as her entire Seattle family was in the living room. They had been showing them all their dances but Lyss had flat out refused when Meredith mentioned that they were partners__ for elves._

_"No," Lyss muttered._

_"Please," Sophia begged._

_"No," Lyss hissed._

_"You showed us all your dances last year," Izzie pointed out. Lyss then smiled proudly. _

_"That's because last year, I was Amy, the lead," she beamed._

_"But Amy isn't in this dance," Derek said. Lyss frowned again. Kelsey just stood beside her embarrassed. She hadn't remembered any of her dances and she knew that Lyss would get mad at her if they ended up doing it and she forgot this one too._

_"If you don't show us," Miranda smirked. "We won't come to the show." This got Lyss. Kels knew that this was what Lyss strove for. Her family's attention on her. _

_"Fine," she said and pulled Kelsey to the floor. She had completely forgotten they started this dance on the floor. "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree," she commanded George who was by her iHome. He flipped through and played. Luckily when they started they were back to back so Kels watched her every move. But when they stood up, Kels was at a loss. When Kels stood there Lyss pushed her and she followed everything. When they got to the partnering, Lyss led her through everything. By the end, Kels forgot she ended on her back. Kels was stunned when Lyss pushed her onto her back and her weight flopped the both of them on the ground._

_"You idiot," Lyss hissed. "You forgot everything. What would Miss Tara say if she saw this..... this is why you will never be Amy." This got Kels, last year, she looked up to Lyss as Amy and wanted to be it so bad when she was old enough.  
_

_"Alyssa," Meredith warned as Kels' eyes started to water. Lyss stormed away and was grounded afterwards and Kels practiced her heart out._

That was actually the first and last time they danced together. That experience made her a better dancer though and got her back into ballet. In the show, the two danced together perfectly and got a round of applause from their family. She actually earned a smiled from Lyss and got a 'You actually did it right,' as they ran through the aisles, which could be considered a compliment.

Kels was upset that they would never get another chance.

"Kels, you ready!" Sophia called. Kels grabbed her dance bag and ran downstairs.

"Yeah," she nodded and followed her sister out the door. She was a little bit late when they arrived, and was very apprehensive when she stood in front of the studio door. It took about a minute for Kels to step into the classroom where she found everyone just finishing attendance and starting warm-ups. Everyone turned to her.

"Kelsey," her teacher smiled. "It's great to see you." The last time she saw her was at Lyss's funeral where she stood by her father's side crying silently. Kels smiled back. "Why don't you take your spot at the barre and start our warm-up.... we finished the dance but I am sure you can catch up."

"Okay," she said quietly and stood at the barre in first position. Kelsey looked at herself in the mirror as they started the plie sequence. All her muscles were stiff having not danced in a while. Her movements were awkward as she moved to second. Trying to make it easier on herself, Kels let her mind wander.

She imagined Lyss standing in this very spot at her age, doing the same thing, but doing it perfectly. She imagined the first time she watched Lyss dance and understood what she was doing when she was 4. She remembered the feeling when she went with Meredith to one of Lyss's visitations and realized she wanted to dance too. She imagined the first time she danced at a recital, and even heard Lyss chant her name no matter how many times she had messed up.

Kels remembered the feeling when she finally opened up to Lyss, when she was first diagnosed, when she was still alive, and confessed that the only reason she was so bratty to her was because she wanted to be just like her, as good as her.

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Jake snuck out of the house and to the guest house. He knew his mother was not there, she was never there anymore. She was always at Joe's. He knew that Joe no longer allowed Meredith to drink, but Jake knew that she went to the liquor store afterwards.

Jake stood in the doorway and looked around, the place smelled like booze. The trashcans were filled with booze. The tables and couch were covered in booze.

Slowly, he walked to the bedroom, the only place booze free. He knew most of the time, Meredith ended up passed out on the couch, but if she ever made it to the bed, she was sober. Gently, Jake laid down on the bed, and put his face onto the pillow. It smelled like his mother. His old mother. Nowadays she smells like tequila. But the pillow, it smelled like lavender. It was the conditioner. The only other person who used that conditioner was Lyss.

Thinking of Lyss made Jake tear up. But that feeling soon went away. It was replaced by anger.

Quickly, Jake ran to the the kitchen counter where several bottles of tequila lay, some half empty, some full. He knew how to pop the corks, and he did so quickly. Jake took a quick whiff of an unopened one before pouring some down his throat. Immediately he spat it back out, disgusted. He lined all the bottles up on the counter and stared at them for a few moments. The few moments were all it took to send him on a rampage.

He started picking up the bottles and dumping them down the sink to at a time. Within a few minutes, they were all empty.

Satisfied, Jake picked up a bottle and threw it at the wall angrily before collapsing on the floor sobbing. In the doorway, another person stood. It was Meredith.

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Meredith jumped when she heard the shatter, she wasn't expecting anything or anyone to be in the guest house. But she certainly wasn't expecting it to be her oldest son. If anything she would have thought it was Derek but now, she was stunned, staring at the glass on the floor and looking at her distraught son.

She watched him for several minutes until he got up and walked out silently, not even noticing her.

"Jake," she called. He didn't hear her, or he didn't want to hear her.

That's when she realized.... she was destroying her family.

She didn't mean to, it was just so hard. Her daughter was dead as in never coming back. Lyss was like a clone of her. Everything she was, Lyss was too. At 8 Lyss was sort of a health nut, but she slowly grew out of it. She was just as stubborn. Same hair, eyes, mouth, and small figure. Same giggle, same everything. She lost herself when she lost Lyss.

Mer was trying so hard to stay calm and she knew she needed help. Even though she knew that, she still sat down at the table and put down a bag that was full of tequila. Meredith poured down her first shot easily, it would take several shots before she even got woozy. As she kept pouring shots Meredith looked at the divorce attorney number on the table she had yet to call. She was hoping she would work things out with Derek.

Then Mer thought of Lyss. What she was thinking of what she was doing, what her family was doing? That was the last thought before the room tipped and she was lost in her drunken stupor.

How could she work things out with Derek if she was always drunk?

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Derek didn't want to scowl at his daughter when he turned around after her sarcastic comment, it just happened. It was an automatic response. It's no excuse but he just took out his anger on his family. It was just like Lyss's rebellion, but even Derek would choose that over what everyone was going through at the moment.

His grief just took over everything. The divorce attorney was an impulse reaction, but he had hung up as soon as he called. Returning to work was the next step, but a step that was too soon and hurt his family. Everything Derek did he did wrong. He felt like a failure. A failure to Mer. A failure to Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kelsey, and Noah.

And most importantly, a failure to Lyss.

If only she was in remission. If only Chase didn't die from a clinical trial. If only she didn't give up. If they could have convinced her to stay with them. She would be with them now and the family wouldn't be falling apart.

Derek shook his head. He couldn't keep living in the past. Lyss was dead. Everything that happened happened. He had to try and make up with Meredith and keep his family together. Derek had to realize that this wasn't a dream, and he was never waking up.

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As the girls hopped off the bus they tried to ignore Hayley and Paige behind them. Walking into their house. The house that Lyss once lived in. Their best friend. The 6 girls walked up to the Karev's door and walked in.

"Hello girls," Izzie smiled.

"Hi Mrs. Karev!" the girls chorused.

"Ready for the sleepover?" Izzie asked. Ali rolled her eyes.

"Mom... we're not five anymore," she pointed out. The girls giggled slightly.

"Of course," Izzie said. "What time is Melissa coming?" The mood slightly changed.

"Dunno," Ava shrugged as the girls dropped their bags by the door. This sleepover had been all of the parents idea. They hadn't really hung out since the day before Lyss caught her blood infection. The 7 friends didn't feel like they should be only 7, they wanted to be 8. The girls started walking upstairs.

"I'll call you down when she comes," Izzie told them. No one answered. They loved Mel, she easily fit into their group, but she was Lyss's friend first. They have known her forever because she has been over Lyss's house tons of times and at her birthday parties, but she was only brought into their tight group when Lyss got cancer.

The girls passed Dylan who smiled sadly at them and hugged her sister. Michael was in his room blasting music. He looked up at them when they passed and Ali watched as his eyes went to the back of the group where he wanted to the see the straight long blond hair of Lyss instead of the short wavy reddish hair of Ava. Slowly the girls made it to Ali's room and sat on her bed.

"Um..." Hannah stuttered. It was very odd for Hannah to have nothing at all to say. "So..... so Al, how is drama?" She shook her head immediately. It immediately was referenced with Lyss.

"It's good I guess," she shrugged. "I am not in the play this year, I decided to be stage crew instead."

"Why is that?" Becca asked.

"Just because... it's only High School Musical, nothing that good..." Ali shrugged and looked down.

"Girls!" they heard Izzie call. "Mel's here!" Everyone smiled and walked down to greet their friend.

"Hey Mel," Nikki said.

"Hey guys," Melissa murmured. Teresa and Izzie shared a quick glance before Izzie set Melissa's bag down by the door.

"Girls, dinner is in an hour, so don't get too involved in anything," she warned as the girls hugged and turned to walk upstairs.

"Kay," Ali called.

"Hey Mel," Dylan called.

"Hey Dylan," Melissa waved as the went to Ali's room again. Back on the bed, everyone sat in silence and stared.

"So Mel...." Britt began. "How's dance?"

"Great I guess," she shrugged. "Great songs and we finally finished everything and are beginning to get our costumes."

"Cool," Ava smiled. A few more seconds of silence.

"I saw Kels yesterday, she came in," Melissa told them. The girls went white.

"Why is it so hard?" Becca whispered.

"She was our best friend, that's why," Hannah answered.

"She was our rock, she held us together, she always knew what to say, what to do, how to make us laugh no matter how upset or pissed we were," Ali sighed.

"Why do we keep saying she," Ava snapped making all the girls heads look up. Ava was known for being the quiet and shy one. Besides Melissa, she was last to join the group of friends and if Lyss hadn't gone out of the way to get her in, she would probably be the girl in the back of the class, quiet, and having no one. "Her name is Lyss. Our best friend. Our best friend who died of fucking leukemia." Everyone pondered her question and what she just said.

"Because it's the easiest thing to do," Britt shrugged, breaking the silence. "Trying to forget."

"I don't want to forget her though," Ava argued.

"I miss her too much," Nikki admitted. "I can't forget her. Even if I tried."

"Same," Melissa murmured.

"I feel like we should do something," Becca added.

"Didn't Mrs. Shepherd say we could come over and visit whenever we wanted," Hannah said smiling slightly.

"Oh yeah," Ava nodded.

"I miss her, she is... was like a second mom to me..." Hannah added. "To all of us."

"Let's do it.... what do you think Al?" Nikki asked. They turned to her friend who was pulling at her comforter, not meeting their eyes, completely silent.

"Al?" Britt questioned.

"Do you think it's a bad...." Becca began but Ali shook her head.

"I just... I just don't think she'd be there," Ali murmured.

"What?" Ava said, a little shocked.

"What do you mean Al?" Melissa asked.

"I mean.... well.... I am not sure if my Aunt Meredith or Uncle Derek will be in the house, probably just Sophia, Hayley, Paige, and Noah if anyone," Ali explained.

"Why?" Britt asked.

"Guys," Ali sighed. "My Aunt Meredith and Uncle Derek are splitting up."

"WHAT?!" the girls exclaimed.

"They've been fighting ever since Lyss died," Ali said and reached over to her nightstand where the prayer card from the funeral was. She picked it up and ran her fingers lightly over Lyss's picture.

"How could they though... they.... they love each other," Ava choked out. "They.... they were like... perfect for each other, like... soul mates."

"They.... I always thought they would... they would be together forever," Hannah whispered.

"Unless a few months from now is forever.... I don't think that's true," Ali murmured.

"I can't believe," Becca sighed.

"GIRLS! DINNER!" Izzie called up the stairs.

"Coming," Ali said and the girls went down the stairs.

"Hi girls," Alex greeted them.

"Hi Mr. Karev," the girls chorused.

"Hi daddy," Ali smiled.

"So what have you guys been doing?" Alex asked.

"Just talking," Ava told him sitting down.

"Well later you guys can bring popcorn or whatever up for a movie," Alex said. "We stocked the kitchen so we wouldn't run out of food and Izzie baked cookies.... again." Izzie glared at them while the girls went silent.

"What's wrong girls?" Dylan asked. Michael looked at his older sister, he knew what was wrong.

"Lyss," was all he said.

"The last time we did that was in the hospital," Melissa whispered.

"Al's plan remember," Becca said. "To cheer her up."

"Girls," Izzie sighed. "She wouldn't want you not to enjoy yourselves, that's the last thing she'd want."

"We know," Hannah sighed. The girls started talking about what they were going to do after that. After dinner was over, the girls grabbed the movie they picked and raided the kitchen. Alex caught them before they went upstairs.

"So what movie are you guys gonna watch?" he asked. The girls smiled.

"We decided on...." Britt began.

"Rent," Ali finished. Izzie looked up shocked from the dishes in the kitchen and Alex looked at the skeptically. Neither of them really wanted to have to calm the girls down if all 7 of them started to cry because they would probably cry too.

"You sure," Izzie warned.

"I think Lyss would like it," Hannah smiled.

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**Hope you like it!!!!!!! Okay yeah I sound to happy but that is because I know what is going to happen and I am so excited for it :) Lyss is going to come into the story even more soon, for a very very very very important reason! WHICH IS NEXT CHAPTER! I just can't wait!  
**

**A/N: I am trying... sorry I have not been that consistent with updates, I am trying to finish the others so I have more time to update my newer ones. Plus.... field hockey preseason starts on Monday so my life is soon going to be owned by my coach.  
**

**PLEASE R&R!**


	7. Chapter 7: The Fall Part 1

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**This is the big thing... you all won't like it... but it's gonna be awesome what its gonna do to the family... I am just so excited... like this is the whole changing point of my story and... I have been waiting and waiting to right this chapter so.... I hope you enjoy it :) It's a little long that I may split it in two and if I do, it will be a complete Mer chapter or almost....  
**

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Elizabeth Shepherd was very angry. She was angry at her son, her daughter-in-law, her granddaughter, but mostly herself. Maybe she left too early. Before they were ready to handle things on their own. Maybe if she hadn't left, things wouldn't be this bad, maybe they'd be angry, but working it out. Not getting a divorce.

This was the reason she was coming earlier then her children. A whole two hours earlier then them. Her plane should be landing around 11 o'clock.

As she sat in her seat on the plane, she was thinking of what she should say to them. How to give them a piece of her mind. How to bring up Lyss and what she would want in the least painful way.

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Meredith watched as her husband left the house for work. Today was the day she was going back to work. Derek had gone a week earlier, and Mer heard from Hayley and Paige what that has done to her family. Once he was gone, she walked inside.

"MOMMY!" Noah squealed as he saw her from the breakfast table.

"Hey bud," Meredith smiled and ruffled his hair. She watched as the rest of her kids just scoffed, and turned their heads She sighed and sat at the island.

"You know Mom," Paige said. "Daddy has coffee left over, and there are extra eggs, you can sit with us."

"Thanks Paige," Meredith murmured and poured herself and cup of coffee before sitting in her usual seat. She looked around and her gaze froze at the seat between Hayley and Jake. The empty seat. Derek's she didn't care about. Before Lyss's death, he usually took the early shift anyway.

"So Mom," Sophia started conversation, trying to bring up her mother's sour mood from looking at Lyss's seat. "When is your shift?"

"It's starts around 1:30," Meredith shrugged and looked down. All the kids looked up and smiled, except for Noah. They knew when it started, they knew when they were supposed to be at the intervention, and they knew that Izzie had written all of them an excuse note to go to the hospital for 2 o'clock.

"Momma, are you taking me to preschool then?" Noah asked.

"Is Izzie taking him?" she asked the girls.

"You can tell her she doesn't have to worry about it today, she won't mind," Hayley smiled, happy that for the first time in a month, her mother was getting out of the house, and not to go to the bar.

"I think I'll do that now," Meredith said, got up, and walked out of the room.

"Thank god," Paige murmured, and everyone sighed in relief. When she rang the Karev's doorbell, Ali answered. Her eyes immediately lit up.

"Aunt Meredith!" she squealed and hugged her tightly.

"Hey Al, where's your mom," Meredith smiled.

"Mer?" Izzie questioned.

"Hey Iz," Meredith said, as Ali left.

"What are you doing here?" Izzie asked.

"Just came to tell you you don't have to worry about Noah this morning," Mer said.

"Mer," Izzie broke out in a smile. "That's great."

"Yeah," Meredith muttered.

"Do you still need me to pick him up, I have the same shift as you today?" Izzie asked.

"It will be for the best," Mer sighed. "I'll need some time."

"Well... I'll see you Mer," Izzie said as Mer walked away. When she walked back into her house, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige were leaving, and soon Jake and Kels left too. That left her alone with Noah.

"Momma, can I watch TV?" he asked.

"No bud, you need to get ready for school," Mer told him.

"I don't wanna go to school, I wanna stay with you," Noah frowned.

"Your gonna come home at 11, and come to work with me buddy," Meredith said.

"YAY!" he squealed. "Will daddy be there too."

"Yes bud," Mer sighed and sat down on the couch as Noah ran upstairs. "Oh Lyss... what am I doing?" She looked around the room and frowned. Derek overturned all of the pictures left up from the funeral. He didn't even have the decency to put them away. She walked over to one, and flipped it over.

"Mommy!" Before she had the chance to see the picture, Noah came down the stairs. "I'm ready."

"Okay bud, let's go," she said, not giving the picture another glance. She grabbed her keys that were still in the house, and drove to drop off Noah. When they get there, instead of waiting in the car for the teachers to collect the student like she usually did, Mer decided to go outside and talk to other parents.

"Hi," one woman said, she recognized her as Denise, the mother of one of the girls in Noah's class. "Your Noah's mom Meredith, right?"

"Yes," Mer nodded, smiling slightly.

"I heard about your daughter," another mother said. Meredith's face fell. "I am so sorry for your loss, it's absolutely terrible."

"Yeah," Meredith choked out, trying to hold back her tears.

"How is your family holding on?" a man, a father of one of the children asked.

"One step at a time," Meredith murmured, feeling herself on the verge of a definite panic attack. "Excuse me." With that, she kissed Noah on the head, and walked calmly to the car. She gripped the steering wheel tightly, and stared forward, her lips quivering slightly. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as the teacher came out, and led the children inside. As soon as she saw Noah's blond head disappear, she let her tears go and sped out of the parking lot. To distract herself, she turned on the radio.

_"And what song would you like us to play for you today?" the man on the radio asked._

_"I'd like you to play a song for my daughter and I, I Hope You Dance," a woman who called in said._

Meredith froze as she said those words. When her kids were growing up, Meredith and Derek always tried to have a special bond or connection with each of their children. Whether it was shopping, fishing, sports, picnics, food, or songs. Since Lyss loved music so much, hers was always a song. Everyone knew that Lyss and Derek had 'Return to Pooh Corner,' but not many people knew that, other then being a little version of Mer, Lyss and Mer's song was 'I Hope You Dance.'

_"Momma," Lyss asked. "When we be there?" Mer was driving Lyss to her first dance class._

_"Very soon baby," Meredith smiled, green eyes meeting green in the rear view mirror. Lyss had little ballet slippers on, a leotard, pink tights, and a pink tutu on. "So are you excited Lyss?"_

_"YEAH!" Lyss exclaimed loudly. Luckily it was only them in the car. The girls were at school and Jake was in the day care at the hospital._

_"Are you gonna be a good ballerina?" Mer asked._

_"Mhmm hmm," Lyss nodded her head vigorously. "I gonna be the bestest 'rina ever!"_

_"You sure?" Meredith teased._

_"Yes Mommy," Lyss pouted and crossed her arm. "I am."_

_"Well T don't like that face... you should be happy, this is your first dance class," Meredith said. She wanted her daughter to be in a good mood, this was the first time she was ever leaving her somewhere where she didn't have any of her siblings. Mer watched as Lyss tried to keep her pout, but it quickly wavered and broke out into a smile again. That's when the song came on. Lyss wasn't listening until the chorus, that's when she liked it._

_"Momma," she giggled. "I like dis song." Mer smiled, Lyss liked it because it said the word dance, but she didn't know what the real meaning of the song was , and why Meredith liked it so much.  
_

And ever since, whenever either of them heard the song, they always thought of that day. At 10, Meredith even made Lyss vow that at her wedding, she would have the DJ play the song for them. Meredith never thought that Lyss and her wouldn't have the chance.

_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,  
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,  
May you never take one single breath for granted,  
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,  
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,  
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens,  
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance._

_I hope you dance....I hope you dance._

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,  
Never settle for the path of least resistance  
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin',  
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',  
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,  
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,  
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance._

_I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,  
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)_

_I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,  
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,  
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance._

_Dance....I hope you dance.  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..  
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along  
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)_

Meredith's hands started shaking uncontrollably, barely hanging on to the wheel. Her eyes were blurred dramatically by the falling tears, she ran through a red light. Two lines from the song kept replaying in her head, making it impossible to hear the honking horns of other drivers she almost hit.

_May you never take one single breath for granted_

She did, she did and now her daughter was dead.

_Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance_

Obviously Lyss did, if she didn't, would she have ever given up so easily?

But that still doesn't lessen the blow of her death. It doesn't make it hurt any less. Mer didn't even realize she was home the tears were still blurring her vision so much.

Stumbling into the house, Meredith leaned against the door and tried to breathe, tried to calm down, shutting her eyes tightly. It took her about 10 minutes to, but she did. Taking a deep breath, Mer opened her eyes. She shouldn't have though. The first thing that caught her eye was the picture she turned back over an hour before. The picture of Lyss. The picture of her and Lyss.

Lyss was probably 6 or 7, and they were running around the park. It had to be after dance class because Lyss was still in a leotard and tutu, her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. Meredith had Lyss in her arms, clearly tickling her. Both of their mouths were open in a laugh, their heads thrown back as Lyss struggled to get away. Mer could swear she heard Lyss giggling, just by looking at it.

_"Mommy! Mommy! Stop it please! Please Please it tickles!"_

Meredith touches the picture before grasping it tightly at her stomach. She bends down in a loud sob that immobilizes her for a few minutes. When she can finally walk, Mer puts the picture back on the shelf and runs to the guest house. She hears the picture fall and shatter, but she doesn't really care.

Mer soon returns to the living room, a bottle of tequila already in her mouth. Sitting on the couch, she downs in the course of 20 minutes. Once she realizes it's finished, Mer gets off the couch in a fog.

"Lyss," she moans. "Oh Lyss.... Derek... it hurts." But he's no longer there to comfort her. For some reason, she sprints upstairs, or more like stumbles from her drunken haze. The whole room starts spinning, and thinking she is reaching for Jake's room, who has been keeping the ice pack in there because he wants to give his mother an excuse not to drink, she met the pink and purple walls of Lyss's room, that has other colors splattered on there.

_"You sure you want to do this Lyss?" Mer asked, as they stood in Lyss empty room, the floor covered in tarp. Lyss was about 9 years old.  
_

_"Say yes Lyss," Sophia whispered, picking up a paintbrush. "You know you want to." Lyss giggled.  
_

_"Of course," Lyss smiled, nodding at Hayley, Paige, and Sophia who were eager to help paint.  
_

_"Okay then," Meredith smiled, and picked up her own brush. The five of them started to dip their brushes in a certain color, whether it was orange, red, yellow, blue, green, or white, and started splattering it on the walls. The day was filled with lots of giggles and paint wars, and in the end, Lyss's room looked awesome. Everyone could easily tell it was Lyss's room from then on.  
_

"No," Mer choked out, and slammed the door shut. She turns around quickly, too quickly, and the house tips, and Mer doesn't know where she is walking. "Lyss...." Meredith walked forward, not realizing she hit the steps. In an instant, her foot slips out from under her, and with a yelp, Mer flies head first down the steps, landing at the bottom with a thud...

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**Cliffhanger... of course, it's me your talking about haha! Ummm..... yeah.... this part is my favorite.... and the chapter coming up next :) And the chapter after that and... really the rest of the story will be so much fun to write. I know it sucks but HAPPY ENDING!  
**

**A/N: School starts Monday :(  
**

**PLEASE R&R!**


	8. Chapter 8: The Fall Part 2

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**Okay..... before I start writing, I will warn you. What I am about to do to the family is really bad, but necessary. All my reader may want to kill me but.... just keep saying over and over in your head. Happy ending, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending****, happy ending :)  
**

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_2 hours before..._

_"No," Mer choked out, and slammed the door shut. She turns around quickly, too quickly, and the house tips, and Mer doesn't know where she is walking. "Lyss...." Meredith walked forward, not realizing she hit the steps. In an instant, her foot slips out from under her, and with a yelp, Mer flies head first down the steps, landing at the bottom with a thud..._

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_11 o'clock..._

"Bye bye Aunt Izzie," Noah waved as his Aunt brought him to the front porch.

"See ya bud, tell your Mommy to call me before she has to go to work, okay?" Izzie said.

"Kay," he giggled as Noah opened the door. Izzie made sure he was safely inside before she went to her house. She hadn't had a late shift like this for a while and Iz was excited to get some work around the house done before their intervention. She goes to the laundry room and begins to occupy herself. Meanwhile, the Shepherd house is a different story.

"Mommy! Momma look what I made you in school today!" Noah called waving a picture that was clutched in his hand. "Momma..... Momma! MOMMY! Where are you!" Noah sat down his back pack and looked around. She wasn't in the kitchen, she wasn't in the living room, and he heard no crying from her bedroom like she had been doing before the fight.

"Mommy!" he called running towards the stairs. There he found her. "Mommy," he whimpered and touched her. Meredith was face down, a little blood pooled at her temple, and she was not moving.

"Mommy!" he cried. "Daddy!" He wasn't home. "Phi Phi! Hay Hay! Paigey! Jakey! Kels!..... Lyssa!" he started shaking her. "Mommy wake up! Mommy wake up! Mommy...." She wasn't budging. As fast as his chubby legs could carry him Noah ran towards the front door and jumped up to open it.

"Aunt Izzie! Aunt Izzie!" he called and ran towards her house. Jumping up he rang the door bell. Izzie answered it a second later.

"Noah...." she said in shock. "Buddy, what's wrong.... is your Mommy not home." She noted his tears. He shook his head. "What is it?"

"Mommy on the ground like Lyssa.... Mommy won't wake up," he whimpered. Izzie's eyes widened and her heart began pounding in her chest. Quickly, she scooped Noah up and ran back towards the Shepherd house. When she burst through the door she saw three things. The smashed picture frame lying on the ground, the empty bottle of tequila on the couch, and Meredith, slumped at the bottom of the steps.

"Oh my god," she breathed before jumping into action. Noah by her side, she bent down beside her friend. "Mer... Meredith." Gently Iz flipped her over so she was facing up, then proceeding to find her weak pulse. "Come on Mer... wake up." Izzie gently fingered the gash on her head and checked Mer's pupils. Luckily neither had blown. The wound was spilling out with blood fast so Izzie had to hold her hand to her head to stall the bleeding.

"Noah baby," Izzie said, turning to her terrified nephew.

"Yeah Aunt Izzie," Noah whimpered.

"I need you to be a brave boy and run and get the phone," Izzie commanded and Noah obeyed, returning a few seconds later. "Okay... in the phone, I need you to dial 9-1-1.... do you think you can do that.... 911..." Noah nodded, his lips quivering. Izzie heard three dial tones on the phone. "Okay. Now hold the phone to my ear."

"Hello, 911 emergency, how can I help you," the operator said.

"Hello," Izzie said immediately. "I have a 40 year old woman here with a closed head injury. It seems she fell from the stairs. She's unconscious and has been bleeding heavily. I don't know how long she has been down. I am a surgeon at Seattle Grace Hospital but I am only doing as much as I can alone... we need help right away."

"Okay Ma'am, stay calm," the operator said. "Can you give me your name?"

"Dr. Izzie Karev," Izzie said. "The patients name is Dr. Meredith Shepherd."

"Help will be here soon," the operator said and hung up. Izzie looked down at her friend.

"Come on Mer," Izzie whispered.

"Is Mommy gonna be okay," Noah whimpered.

"I hope so Noah," Izzie sighed. All of a sudden, someone knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Izzie called frantically. Instead of the paramedics Izzie was hoping for, the person on the other side was very shocking, and not supposed to be in Seattle for another three hours.

"Hello... I hope I am not...." Elizabeth Shepherd began but trailed off. "Oh my..."

"Nana!" Noah wailed and hugged her legs tightly.

"Izzie, what happened?" Liz asked.

"I don't know... I think she was drunk.... she fell and... she won't wake up..." Izzie said.

"Anything I can do to help?" Elizabeth asked.

"Take Noah to the kitchen," Izzie said.

"Okay," she said, grabbing her grandson's hand and leading him out.

"Come on, come on, come on," Izzie pleaded desperately. She looked down at Meredith again. " Wake up! You can't do this to your family Mer... we already lost Lyss... we can't lose you too...." Just then the paramedics burst through the door with a stretcher. "Finally!" They rushed to her side and one placed his hands over top of Izzie's.

"We got it from here," he said and began to get Meredith stabilized. Izzie nodded and backed up, realization finally dawning on her. Her friends was really really sick. That she was drinking herself into oblivion. That she was depressed. That they were lucky she hadn't attempted suicide. Just then she remembered the shattered picture. Not caring she was covered in Meredith's blood, she walked over to it and picked it up.

"Oh Lyss," she murmured looking at the six year old girl in the picture. She turned back to Mer who was now on the stretcher. They were taking her out to load her in the ambulance when Izzie ran up to them.

"I'm coming with," she said and nodded at Liz, saying that she needed to keep watching Noah.

"Ma'am..." one of the men began.

"She's my friend and I am going," she finalized and hopped in after they loaded her.

"She has to be okay," Izzie murmured, grabbing her friends hand gently and watching the ambulance doors shut and they sped away.

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Derek stared at the progression of his family that lined his office walls. The file cabinet, that held each sonogram of each child they got from every appointment. The frame Meredith bought him after Noah was born, that had all of the kids first photos, in Meredith's arms. He also had duplicates in his wallet.

Then, on his desk, side table, and other file cabinets, the family photos. They always got two a year, one in the spring, and one at Christmas. There were just three that were only Meredith, Derek, and Sophia at 1, 2, and 3. But at the one at 3, Sophia was hugging her mother's large stomach. Then there was one with Meredith and Derek holding the twins, with Phia in the center. The next was Christmas, the year Mer was pregnant with Lyss. Hayley and Paige were still really young, so Derek was holding them while Sophia kissed her mother's stomach.

The next, Meredith was holding few month old Lyss while Hayley, Paige, and Sophia gathered around her, Derek looking on. The next years Christmas one was adorable. Lyss was in a little sleigh while the girls all had presents around it, smiling at the camera. Meredith and Derek were posed near them, admiring their children, holding each other closely.

Each picture went on and showed the kids ages progressing, the family growing, and the family caring less. The last picture was Christmas when Noah was 3. Sophia was 15, Hayley and Paige were 13, Lyss was 12, Jake was 10, Kels was 8. Lyss, Hayley, and Paige were on their stomachs, legs up, arms on their hands. Noah was on Jake's back, Sophia was with Kels by the fake tree, and Meredith and Derek were in the same position as the one when Lyss was not even one year old.

Every picture showed their love for their family and their love for each other. They made sure that they always got their pictures. But the end of them was the year when Lyss had begun to feel the major pull and space between her and her parents. Meredith and Derek felt it too, but thought it was just a phase.

Maybe if they realized that they would not be where they were now.

He sat in his chair and looked at all of the pictures and wondered where it all went. That's when Mark came bursting through the door.

"Derek," he said.

"What," Derek snapped.

"You need to go to the ER," Mark told him. Derek shook his head, he wasn't up to it.

"Have Nelson or Hendricks..."

"You _want _to go to the ER."

"Why Mark?"

"Because..." Mark began.

"What!?" Derek snapped.

"It's Meredith.... there's been an accident." That was it. Those were the words that would make Derek snap. The four words, four terrible words, that came after his wife's name.

"What?" he whispered.

"I'm not sure buddy... they just called it in... it was Izzie who found her but..." Derek sat there for a second. Absorbing everything. In an instant he leapt from his seat and sprinted down towards the ER. He arrived as soon as Meredith was being wheeled into an exam room.

"What happened?!" he exclaimed. Alex stopped him from rushing into the room. He nodded towards Izzie. She was covered in blood. Derek's face went white.

"She fell Der," Izzie sighed, resting a hand on his arm. "She was drinking... she had a BAC of 0.25. It seems she slipped off the steps and hit her head several times. I wasn't able to get close enough, but they stabilized her arm and leg so something else must have happened."

"Does it... is..." Derek stuttered. He watched as Dr. Hendricks entered the room.

"No pupils are blown... so that's a good sign," Izzie said.

"Is that the only good sign?" Derek asked. Izzie looked at him, and he knew the answer. In defeat he collapsed in a nearby chair, praying for his wife to be okay, if she could still be considered his wife.

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Sophia trudged through the hallways, wanting for it to be 9th period. That's when her Aunt Izzie was picking her up, or at least getting her out. She would take her car and follow her Aunt Izzie, getting everyone else. She would then drive them to the hospital and wait in the conference room, while Izzie made sure Meredith went to work and answered her page to the conference room.

They had it planned out perfectly.

No one was expecting anything to go wrong.

So Sophia just continued her day, going to period 5/6. This was her study hall. Her study hall that was also in her Pre-Calc teachers room, Mrs. Williams. She had been the stable person who helped Sophia down the hall, as she sobbed and sobbed, knowing that when she got to the hospital, she would have to watch her little sister die.

Mrs. Williams wouldn't let Sophia forget it. She was getting annoying.

"Hello Sophia," Mrs. Williams smiled at her as she walked in. "How are you today?"

"Fine," Sophia smiled for real this time. This time, 'fine,' wasn't a lie. She was getting her parents back together later.

"If you need anything, just ask," she said and let Sophia take her seat. She was around several of her friends like Kelly, Jackie, Sarah, and Amanda. They had all been acting really weird around her, but she let it go by.

"Hey Soph," Kelly smiled.

"Hey guys," Sophia said turning around. The final bell rang but talking didn't matter, Mrs. Williams was one of the few teachers who let her study hall students talk.

"So what are you doing later?" Amanda asked.

"I am getting out early to go to the hospital," Sophia shrugged.

"Why?" Sarah asked.

"Is it because of your sister?" Jackie questioned.

"No," Sophia shook her head. "It's family business, my whole family works there...."

"Oh yeah I...." Sarah began but was cut off by the phone ringing. Sophia shrugged off the feeling she had to look. She just thought that it was because they called her down to the office when Lyss was dying.

"Room 245," Mrs. Williams said. "Uh huh.... Uh huh..... Oh no...." Sophia turned her head towards her. "Her mom.... but haven't they gone through enough already..... okay.... I.... I'll send her down.... okay.... bye..." The tears were already running down Sophia's face. She said something about 'haven't they gone through enough already.' That was her family and she knew it.

Before Mrs. Williams could even say her name, or take a step towards her with her solemn face, Sophia stood up.

"What is it?" she asked. Her voice was harsh and low, scared sounding.

"Your mother," Mrs. Williams said sympathetically. "There's been an accident and that's all we know..." Sophia didn't hear anything after accident, she couldn't remember anything else. The next thing she saw was her Aunt Izzie, waiting in the office as she did when Lyss was in a coma, and she ran into her arms sobbing as she did then too.

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Kelsey was watching the clock intently. Her teacher took no note of it. She was letting her get away with most things these days. She had a minor breakdown a week before, when a new girl _Alyssa _entered the class.

Her teacher was well on her way through the simple math lesson that she didn't notice Kels's fidgeting, or anything. That's when the phone rang. Kelsey was too lost in her dream world to even hear what she was saying. It wasn't until everyone was watching her and her teacher was at her desk that she realized it was about her.

"Kelsey," the teacher said, laying her hand gently on her arm.

"What?" Kelsey shrugged turning towards her.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"What?" Kels asked.

"You mom, she was in an accident... I am not sure exactly what happened but your Aunt Izzie is down at the office waiting for you," she said gently.

"What?" Kelsey asked again.

"Kelsey I..." She said something, but Kels blocked it out. She tugged on her arm but she wouldn't and couldn't move. That was until the girl Alyssa said something. It was simple, but just enough to set off her inner time bomb.

"Kelsey.... it will be okay...."

"NO IT WON'T!" Kels screamed. "MY SISTER! MY OLDER SISTER IS DEAD! FROM CANCER! NOTHING IS OKAY! AND NOW MY MOM COULD DIE TOO! MY FAMILY IS FALLING APART!" With that, her sobs came, and she sprinted out of the room. Ignoring her teachers calls. She knew what class Jake was in, it was only a few doors down, so she went there. She needed someone. She needed her older brother. Through the window she saw his teacher talking to him, and he had the same confused expression as she had a minute before. Without a moment's hesitation, Kelsey's burst through the door.

"Kels," Jake choked out.

"Jakey," Kels sobbed and ran towards him. He outstretched his arms and held her sobbing form.

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"Mom, why do you have Noah?" Kathleen asked as they met her in the airport. She noted the young boy sitting on a bench, playing with Jake's DS.

"Um..." Elizabeth stuttered. She really didn't know what to say, she didn't know much.

"We are still supposed to go to the hospital right?" Nancy asked.

"For a different reason," Liz sighed.

"What?" Emma asked.

"There's been an accident," Elizabeth murmured.

"An accident... what kind of accident," Lyndsey said warily. Elizabeth looked at Noah making sure he was distracted, and turned back towards them.

"I don't know that much.... but when I got in Izzie was standing over Mer, she fell down the stairs... it was Noah who found her," she explained.

"Oh my god," Kathleen breathed.

"What... why did she fall?" Emma asked.

"Watching Noah for a little... I was able to take everything in..." Liz began. "There was an empty bottle of tequila on the couch, but I don't think she started out drinking."

"What do you mean?" Nancy asked.

"There was a picture of Mer and Lyss knocked over and shattered on the ground... in the picture... they looked like clones.... and they were so happy and..." she trailed off.

"Poor Mer," Kathleen sighed.

"Lyss's bedroom door was open to... she must of had a panic attack of some sort, drank, and in her incoherency, fell," Liz finished.

"What are her injuries?" Lynds asked.

"All I know is she is in surgery now... for something," she told them.

"Only to our family," Nancy murmured.

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Derek sat and stared forward as he awaited news of his wife's condition. She was taken into surgery 30 minutes before. She had a hemorrhage in her right frontal lobe and dislocated her right arm. She also broke her leg but that didn't require any surgery. This wasn't how his life was supposed to happen.

His daughter wasn't supposed to get cancer, she wasn't supposed to give up, she certainly wasn't supposed to die. He wasn't supposed to be fighting with his grief and his wife, and they weren't supposed to get a divorce.

"Derek," Izzie murmured, coming up from behind him. He turned around to see his kids, minus Noah.

"Daddy," Sophia whimpered and ran into his arms. This was the first word she spoke to him since he returned to work.

"Shhh Phia," he soothed, ignoring his own tears that slipped down his face. He extended his arms for Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels as well and they rushed there gratefully.

"What happened," Hayley whispered.

"Your mother fell guys, down the stairs," Derek murmured. "She was drunk... and... well... we aren't sure what's gonna happen..."

"Why?" Kels cried. Alex could see his friend was struggling so he stepped in.

"Your Mom hit her head, and has some bleeding in her frontal lobe... and she dislocated her shoulder.... she's in surgery now," he explained. His kids started crying and Derek gulped, finding it hard to comfort them when he felt the need to be comforted. As if he conjured her up, all of a sudden his mother came around the corner, surprising Derek but relieving him.

"NANA!" the kids exclaimed and shot off towards her and their aunt's. Gratefully Derek collapsed back into the seat.

"How did we get like this Iz?" Derek asked, her voice scarcely above a whisper.

"I don't know," Izzie sighed. Derek looked up to see his mother standing in front of them.

"Mom," he sighed, tears leaking out of his eyes. Elizabeth looked up to the friends that were around him. Addie, Mark, Izzie, Alex, Lexie, George, and Cristina.

"It's not time for that Derek," she said sharply. "This is not a time to give up. Meredith will fight, she always does."

"I thought Lyss always fought too, but I was wrong," Derek murmured. All his friends gasped. That was the first time he actually acknowledged his daughter's death out loud since the funeral.

"Derek," Liz sighed.

"I can't lose her Mommy," Derek cried. "I can't. I already lost Lyss. I can't lose my daughter and my wife in the same year."

"Baby boy," Liz said sitting next to him, and putting one arm around his shoulder. "I know it's hard, but everything will be okay... you have to believe it..."

"How?" Derek choked out. She said nothing else, just let him lean on her. The next few hours were spent in the waiting room. L.A friends arriving clueless, hugs, cries, prayers, and three hours after Mer went into surgery Dr. Hendricks, Callie, Miranda, and Richard came walking towards them. Everyone looked up, but Derek was the only one who rushed forward.

"How is she?" he asked. Bailey looked at him sympathetically and reached for his hand.

"She..."

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Meredith was falling, she was falling fast. All she could think about was Lyss. Her daughter. She was alive and now she was dead. Her life felt like it had no meaning anymore. She failed as a mother and let her baby girl die. Her heart was pounding out of her chest as she hit something with a thud and her eyes shot open.

Her eyes met the ceiling of a familiar room, she has been here before. She was still gasping for breath as she sat up and met yet again, two familiar faces.

"Hello Meredith," the man said.

"Hello Meredith," the woman said simultaneously.

"Mom.... Denny," she nodded curtly and the ghosts of her best friend's dead ex-fiance and her dead mother.

"Meredith," a new woman sighed. Someone who was not in her after life before.

"Susan," she replied softly.

"What are you doing to yourself Meredith?" Liz Fallon asked.

"Not again," Bonnie begged.

"Mrs. Shepherd," Chase pleaded.

"Your family," Denny reminded.

"Your friends," Ellis told her.

"This will kill them," Susan added.

"Can you all just shut up," Meredith snapped and stared forward, her eyes narrowing. After a long moment of silence a new voice spoke up.

"Mommy." Meredith's head whipped around right away and her mouth made a little funny dance as if it wanted to smile but it wasn't sure. She made this strange noise that sounded as if it was a combination of a sob, whimper, laugh, and a gasp. Standing in front of her, was Lyss. Her Lyss. Her Alyssa Danielle Shepherd. Her baby girl. Healthy, full head of hair, beautiful....

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**Cliffhanger.... Again, I am sorry, I was actually planning on ending this chapter differently but this was just too great to let go :) I will update as soon as possible, as soon as I update Let Me Find You... Next chapter is the one I am MOST excited about, but you guys can probably tell why. This is my favorite.... And the chapter after that and... really the rest of the story will be so much fun to write. I know it sucks but HAPPY ENDING!  
**

**A/N: Hectic school, field hockey, and dance. Once field hockey is over I will be back on track with updates for all of my stories... Plus my mom is being a bitch and is grounding/banning me from the computer almost everyday....  
**

**PLEASE R&R!**


	9. Chapter 9: Lyss Part 1

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**After I ended last chapter, you probably all wanted to kill me... so for my own sake and your sanity repeat happy ending in your head again :) Happy ending, happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending,**** happy ending! This will be a long chapter switching between many point of views.**

* * *

_"She..." Miranda began._

"She," Derek choked out.

"Dr. Torres was able to relocate her shoulder during surgery without complication, and Dr. Hendricks stopped the bleeding.... but," she sighed.

"There's a but," Derek whispered, his voice almost disappearing.

"She coded, twice, the first time we got her back almost right away, but the second..." Miranda trailed off.

"What," Derek shook. "What happened?" Richard stepped in.

"The second time, Meredith was down for about two minutes," he told him.

"She's in a coma isn't she?" Derek asked dryly, tears springing to his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Miranda said. "She is... she is in the neuro ICU now but we'll move her to a room as soon as possible." Derek ran his hand through his hair and shook his head.

"This isn't happening," he whimpered. "This isn't supposed to happen. This shouldn't be happening. My wife shouldn't be in a coma, my six kids shouldn't be terrified, and my one daughter shouldn't be _dead_."

"Derek," Izzie put a hand on his shoulder.

"Mer and I were supposed to be together forever, not getting a divorce, this isn't the way our lives were supposed to turn out," Derek murmured and walked over to his kids who were huddled in a corner of the waiting room. His family watched as he sat in the middle of them and began talking to them. Sophia began shaking and collapsed into his lap, Hayley, Paige, Kelsey, and Jake following suit.

Liz brought Noah down from the day care to comfort his father, it didn't help much, he was still shaken and broken, but it lifted everyone's spirits a little. Everyone sat around the family, trying to comfort them, but the gesture was lost as each of them began to fall asleep in each others arms, praying that they didn't lose another one of their family.

Derek was jerked awake as he heard someone's pager go off and the feet of a few people run off. He just saw Miranda and Richard turning the corner.

"It's Mer isn't it," Derek said quietly, trying not to wake his youngest daughter who was asleep on his lap. Izzie only nodded and Derek closed his eyes and a few tears ran down his face.

"It's gonna all work out Derek," Lexie reassured. "Just you wait."

"She'll fight this, you will all fight this," Mark said.

"Do you know how many times we told ourselves that months ago, told Lyss over and over, reassured her she'd fight and win... that didn't happen," Derek growled, agitated.

"Derek, Lyss was different," Addie told him. "She had a disease with no real cure. Mer, is cured. Just..."

"In a coma, like Lyss was... she..." Derek trailed off as the chief and Bailey rounded the corner, a chart in Bailey's hand.

"What is it?" he asked, gently lifting Kelsey off his lap and gently placing her on the chair. "Is... is she okay?"

"Yes," Miranda nodded. "Her vitals are strong, she's still on the vent but we think she'll begin breathing over it soon."

"So... why'd you guys disappear?" Derek asked.

"A lung collapsed, but that's a common complication," Richard explained. "She's fine now and we've... um... moved her to a room... The.... the only private room there was..." He trailed off.

"Where is she?" he said. "I want to see her." He saw the look on Miranda's face when he said that. "What?" She handed him the chart and he looked down toward the room number. It read 2204 and Derek froze.

"No," he growled. "NO!"

"Derek... I am sorry, there are no other rooms, it was a busy spring and with that pileup two days ago..." Richard said.

"What?" Kathleen asked.

"2204," Derek hissed and threw the chart down and began stalking to the room.

"Why does that sound..." Kathleen began but trailed off, remembering. The look on their friends faces said the answer.

"Lyss's room," Cristina whispered.

"Yeah," Miranda nodded. Owen, Callie, George, Richard, and Miranda returned to work while Addie, Alex, Izzie, Cristina, Lexie, and Mark followed Derek. Liz, Nancy, Kathleen, Emma, and Lyndsey stayed with the sleeping kids, seeing as it was 10 at night. Violet, Naomi, Cooper, Sam, and Pete all returned to their hotel.

When his friends walked into the room, Derek was sitting on the side of Meredith's bed... the bed that once held Lyss. The room, forever associated with the dead 14 year old girl.

"This scares me," Derek admitted, realizing his friends were in there. "How easily I can actually lose my family."

"Derek," Alex sighed.

"God must hate me or something," he murmured. "He's trying to take away everyone I love in my life."

"Mer is going to be okay... she's breathing over the vent at least a little now," Izzie told him.

"Lyss was too," Derek said. "But when we took her off we knew she was going to die."

"Meredith is different... Lyss's body was shutting down, her kidney's were failing and she was practically brain dead," Addie told him.

"But don't tell me seeing Mer like this doesn't remind you of Lyss," Derek sighed, grabbing Meredith's hand. "Thinking that Lyss was in and out of this room. Between the tumor, induction, check-ups... whatever... and then her last day on earth."

"We're always going to associate this room with that Derek," Cristina said.

"But I just feel something," Derek said. "Like... something is happening, or going to happen."

"Don't say that," Lexie said.

"We're all scared," Mark told him. "But Meredith just has to wake up and she'll be fine."

"But does she want to?" Derek asked.

"What?" Lexie asked.

"She was so sick... and I only just realized it... because I was an ass.... but she was so sick, and I ignored her.... I asked her for a divorce and I didn't even call a lawyer," Derek said.

"You didn't?" Izzie questioned, shocked.

"I love her too much... I couldn't bring myself to," Derek shook his head. "But she hates me... she must have."

"I don't know Der," Addie said.

"We were so oblivious that we were feeling the same thing... the same despair... I want to take it all back... everything... but I can't.... she just has to be okay... I need to..." Derek began.

"She will be okay," Alex interrupted. And at that second, machines began blaring. Derek stood up, his eyes wide.

"Her lungs collapsed again!" Izzie exclaimed. "Call a code." Cristina pushed Derek back from his spot by her bed and pushed the code button. Derek stumbled backwards, his eyes on his wife as the nurses flooded the room with the crash cart. Bailey and several others came rushing in.

"What happened?" Miranda asked.

"Her lungs collapsed again," Izzie said as they stepped forward and Miranda took the paddles.

"Charge to 200," she told the nurse. She pressed the paddles to Meredith's chest. "Clear." Meredith's body jerked up.

"No change," Addie said.

"Charge to 300," Miranda said. The nurse obeyed. She pressed the paddles to her chest again. "Clear." Meredith's body flew to the air but the flat line still sounded.

"No change," Cristina said. Derek leaned against the wall. His entire body was sweating, his hands were shaking, and his heart was racing.

"No," he whispered and closed his eyes. It was way too close to what happened in December to his daughter, after her seizure.

_"It's what baby girl?" Meredith asked warily. Lyss didn't respond as she started shaking violently in Mere's arms her heart pace quickening. The heart monitor began blaring._

_"Derek, she's seizing," Mere cried as she let her go. Derek immediately stood up but froze, it was on his own daughter and his mind went blank._

_"Derek, do something," Mere wailed staring in shock unable to move. Nurses began flooding her room._

_"Dr. Shepherd what do you want us to do?" one of them asked._

_"Uh.... uhh...." Derek stuttered still staring fearfully at his daughter when an eerie beep filled the room._

_"Call a code," one nurse said hitting the button. That's when Meredith snapped out of her trance and stepped forward as the crash cart was rushed into the room Bailey, Izzie, and Richard following it._

_"Paddles," Mere said as it was brought up next to her._

_"Meredith," Richard protested._

_"Paddles," she said forcefully as she was handed them finally. "Charge to 200." She pressed the paddles to her daughter's chest. "Clear." Lyss's body jerked up._

_"Still no change," Olivia said._

_"Charge to 250," Mere said. "Clear." Mere pressed the paddles to her daughter's chest as it jerked up._

_"Still no change," she said as Mere looked at the heart monitor._

_"Charge to 350," Mere said. "Clear." Again she pressed it to her daughter's chest._

_"Dr. Shepherd still no change," Olivia said._

_"Charge to 375," Mere ordered._

_"Meredith," Izzie said her tears welling up and looking at Meredith's tears falling down her face._

_"Charge again," she sobbed. As they did so she said, "Clear." Mere pressed the paddles to her chest once more and her heart began beating again. Derek stood where he was the tears still running down his face as the nurses began to fuss around Lyss. Bailey walked over to him and guided him to a chair in the corner._

_Mere on the other hand let out a gasp and started shaking. Her sobs shook her whole body as she collapsed to the floor._

"Charge again," Miranda commanded. The nurse charged it, Miranda pressed the paddles to her chest. "Clear." And just like that, Meredith's heart began beating again.

Dr. Hendrick's came in and did an exam.

"Her pupil's blown... I need to go back in," he said. They began prepping her for transport when Mark turned around to see how his best friend was doing.

"Der..." he trailed off. The wall where Derek was a second before was empty and his friend was no where to be seen.

* * *

_"Mommy." Meredith's head whipped around right away and her mouth made a little funny dance as if it wanted to smile but it wasn't sure. She made this strange noise that sounded as if it was a combination of a sob, whimper, laugh, and a gasp. Standing in front of her, was Lyss. Her Lyss. Her Alyssa Danielle Shepherd. Her baby girl. Healthy, full head of hair, beautiful...._

"Mommy," Lyss repeated warily as she watched her mother gape at her. In an instant, Meredith launched forward, grabbing her by the shoulder's and smothering her into a tight hug.

"Lyss," Meredith sobbed. "It's you... oh it's you.... I have missed you so much baby girl...." Meredith pushed her nose deep in her hair, her long hair, smelling the familiarity. Not the smell of death in the cancer peach fuzz that Lyss died with. "Your... oh Lyss.... I love you so much... I..." All of a sudden Lyss took a step back out of Mer's arms.

"Mommy... what are you doing?" she asked. Meredith looked shocked.

"Wha-" Mer began.

"What are you doing here?" Lyss cut her off. This time she was harsh, each word spat out. Mer's eyes widened and the tears stopped flowing down her face.

"I... I.... I miss you too much Lyss," Meredith admitted quietly, looking around. She now realized her and her daughter were alone.

"So what," Lyss hissed. "What about Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, and Noah... you know... your _other _children... and what about Daddy?" Meredith scoffed.

"Your father doesn't give a shit about me... and he doesn't give a shit about you or our family," Meredith shook her head bitterly. Lyss's eyes softened and she reached for her mother's hand.

"No Mommy," Lyss murmured. "He loves you, he loves me, he loves this family."

"Lyss... you... he has been..." Meredith started but Lyss interjected.

"I've been watching you Mommy... and I've seen everything," Lyss told her.

"I miss you so much it hurts," Meredith said reaching for her face to stroke it. She ran her hands down her arms and realized she couldn't even feel the bones like she used to be able to. Lyss leaned forward and rested her head on her mother's chest.

"I miss you too... I miss you every second or every day up here... it hurts that I can't be alive and on earth anymore... it hurts that my family is hurting so much because of me... but Mommy..." Lyss said. "I'm happy here."

"I've made so many mistakes in this past month Lyss... I... I just don't know what to do," Meredith admitted as Lyss led her to sit down. Lyss sat next to her and leaned her head on her shoulder.

"Mommy... Daddy has made mistakes too," Lyss told her.

"But... he... he won't admit it," Meredith growled. "He blames me and me only for what has happened to pur family.... and it's not only my fault... it's his too and... and...."

"Do you know what he is doing right now?" Lyss asked.

"No," Meredith whispered.

"He's by your bedside... crying... fearing.... praying.... he can't lose you as well. Not in the same year as he lost me. It will break him if you die... you can't die Mommy," Lyss whimpered. "I can't let any of you be any more broken then you already are." Meredith shook her head.

"I... without you in my life... I.... I... I can't function Lyss," Meredith told her. "I can't breathe if you aren't. I can't go on with my life. It hurts too much."

"More than watching me be in pain?" Lyss asked, looking directly into her mother's eyes.

"But..." Mer protested.

"But nothing Mommy," Lyss said, her voice wavering a little. "I barely remember my last few days alive Mommy. That's how much pain I was in. I can go as far to say I don't remember anything since my last day at school... our last real family day. I want to remember everything so bad. I want to remember dancing with Uncle Mark, Uncle Alex, Uncle George, Uncle Owen, Uncle Kevin, and Uncle Richard. And I especially want to remember dancing with Daddy... but I can't, I just know what happened because I am here now. You say it's hard to breathe, but what about when I was that small girl on a machine. Letting a machine breathe for me because I couldn't do it by myself anymore. How did you breathe then?"

"I... I knew you were getting out of pain," Meredith whispered.

"Well it wasn't really," Lyss said. "Those last few moments... when I was alive. They were terrifying. Only hearing your voice, not able to catch any breathe, not able to communicate when I had so much to say. It hurt too. But you still led me there... you were by my side till the end, trying to get me out of pain like you said... well I am now."

"Lyss," Meredith whimpered.

"I am Mommy... I am out of pain," Lyss said. "I have my hair again. I have energy again. I am not 60 pounds. I am not breakable."

"Your beautiful," Meredith finished.

"I'm happy," Lyss said.

"I... I never thought of that," Meredith said, almost to herself.

"What?" Lyss asked.

"That you could possibly be happy," Meredith cried. Lyss started crying as well.

"I am Mommy," Lyss said. "I am so happy that I am better again. That I don't have to fight for every day of my life anymore. That I am finally free of that awful disease that destroyed our family. But I do miss you. And daddy. And Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Kels, Jake, and Noah. I hate that I am causing you so much pain. I hate that I can't be with you anymore. You... you don't want this kind of pain Mommy. It's worse than your pain... It's guilt."

"What?" Meredith questioned.

"If I would have fought harder maybe... just maybe I would have survived and... and we wouldn't be here.... I'd be with you all, going to school, being a kid," Lyss admitted settling into her mother's arms like a little girl.

"No Lyss... this isn't your fault," Meredith shook her head. "We... we did this to ourselves... you... you are the bravest person I know... you... you fought so hard and I am so proud of you."

"I am only that way because you made me that way," Lyss told her.

"Oh Lyss... you the same old Lyss," Meredith kissed her head gently but Lyss looked up and continued to speak.

"Wouldn't that make you brave too?" she asked. "Doesn't that mean that you are supposed to fight to live... not just give up and live forever with me but to live till the end of your life with Daddy?" Meredith froze. It was definitely same old Lyss.

* * *

"Derek!" Mark called as he walked through the hospital hallways. "Derek Christopher Shepherd!"

"Dr. Sloan," Olivia said, motioning for him to come over. "Are you looking for Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yeah," he said.

"About an hour ago he came running past me, he was crying and... is... is the other Dr. Shepherd alright?" she asked.

"She needed another surgery," Mark said. "Which way did he go?"

"That way," Olivia said. "Try the tunnels."

"Okay thanks," Mark nodded and ran off in that direction.

"I hope Meredith is okay!" she called after him.

"Me too," he muttered under his breath and got onto the nearest elevator. About a minute later he made it to the tunnels where he heard clumsy and loud sobbing echoing down the hall. He bumped against a gurney and made a crash.

"GO AWAY!" the voice who belonged to the crier screamed. Now Mark knew it was Derek.

"It's me," Mark said and walked towards the sobbing. Derek was leaning against a gurney on the ground. His eyes red and his face blotchy from the immense crying he had done.

"What do you want?" Derek asked hoarsely. Mark sat down next to him.

"I wanted to update you on Mer," he sighed. "Hendricks and Nelson this time took her into surgery soon after you left. Her brain swelled from the stress on her body from the collapsed lung and they are going to try and alleviate the pressure."

"That's just great," Derek retorted bitterly. "WHAT ELSE!"

"It's going to be okay Derek," Mark reassured him.

"You know nothing." Derek spat harshly. "You aren't God."

"I may not be God," Mark said. "But I know you are Meredith and Derek, and you two get through everything... even this... even your daughter dying.... it's just what everyone knows." Derek looked up at him.

"I can't lose her Mark," Derek shook his head. "I can't... I love her so much... I just can't."

"I know buddy," Mark told him.

"I can't lose my wife and my daughter in the same year," Derek whispered.

"I know," Marks said, squeezing his arm.

"I want to take it all back... I need to apologize," Derek murmured. "I can't if she dies."

"If she does... that will suck... but don't you want to be with your kids if it happens," Mark said.

"There is only one of my children that I want right now... and I can never have her again," Derek sighed. Mark squeezed his arm.

"Derek... it sucks that Lyss died... my goddaughter... but think about what she wants for a second... she wants you to move on with your life... and Mer and Lyss... they are almost the same person, one was just a miniature size... Mer would want the same thing," Mark said.

"So you think she's going to die?" Derek's voice cracked. It hurt Mark to see his best friend this broken.

"Right now Derek... I am not sure of anything," Mark told him.

* * *

Derek now sat at the edge of Meredith's bed, his kids surrounding him asleep. Soon after Mark found him, Mer came out of surgery. There were no complications and she would be fine.... if she ever woke up. Derek realized that his entire life were filled with 'if's'. IF he apologized to his wife, maybe they wouldn't get divorced. IF Lyss had done a clinical trial she could have survived. IF his wife woke up, there could be a small chance that his family, his life would be saved.

"Mer," he murmured. "I don't know if you can hear me... but... I... I need to say... I.... I... I am sorry. I was an ass, not that I had any excuse to be one. I was stupid and angry and.... missing my daughter as much as you were... or maybe not as much. You two were always so close and I know that losing her must have been even worse for you, I didn't carry her around in my stomach for 7 and a half months."

"I felt you slipping away from me, you were really sick and... I should have done something when I could have.... maybe, we wouldn't be here. But, as much as I blamed you, it was my fault as well. I didn't fight for us and I am so sorry for that."

"Meri... you... you need to wake up," he whimpered, a tear slipping down his cheek. "I need to apologize to you and I need to hear your snarky comeback. I need to let you know that I don't want a divorce, that... that was just.... I don't know what that was. I knew I shouldn't have let you go alone Noah's birthday and so that's sort of my fault too. It's just.... you need to wake up Mer... these kids by your bedside, they need you just as much as I do. I can't keep a hold of them if their sister and their mother die in the same year. So... please, just come back to me... don't go into the light.... come back..." He trailed off.

"Daddy," Sophia murmured, scaring Derek a little making him jump. She got up from her place in the corner of the room with Kels and Noah, making sure not to disturb them.

"Baby, what are you doing up?" Derek asked softly as she moved towards him and sat gently on his lap.

"I couldn't sleep... and I should be asking you the same thing," Sophia pointed out.

"Touche," Derek sighed and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"Daddy," she whimpered. "Is Mommy going to die?" She sounded like a little girl and Derek knew she was scared.

"I hope not sweetheart... she's just... she has to wake up... the force of her fall and the surgery put so much stress on her body that her brain swelled and she is in a coma," Derek told her.

"But... I heard Aunt Kathy and Nana talking and they said she was breathing over the vent?" Sophia questioned. Derek was shocked. She ususally never used the real medical term, just that thing or the tubes or that machine that helps people breathe. She was never interested in the medical field at all.

"She is," Derek breathed. "Everything is all better, she just needs to wake up."

"Kinda like Lyss after her surgery?" she asked. Derek nodded. "Will Mommy wake up as quickly."

"I doubt it," Derek shook his head.

"Daddy," Sophia whispered.

"Yes princess," he said pulling her close. Sophia looked at her mother for a second but then back at him.

"I'm sorry Daddy," Sophia cried softly.

"Shhh sweetheart I..." Derek began.

"I didn't mean any of it," she sobbed, but it was muffled by his clothes.

"I know... and I should be the one apologizing, not you," Derek admitted.

"Daddy..." Sophia started but was cut off.

"I am the man of the house, I am the one who is supposed to protect you all, stay by you in all the terrible times, but I abandoned you. And your mother. And Lyss. I... I made so many mistakes in the past month I..."

"Daddy... I forgive you... you say Mommy was sick," Sophia said quietly. "But you were just as sick." Derek sighed.

"I love you Soph," Derek murmured.

"I love you too Daddy," Sophia said. All of a sudden Noah let out a loud snore. Sophia looked at him and then back at her father. "How much of this do you think he understands?"

"I think he understands in his own way," Derek said. "Like with Lyss's death, her being on a trip. His innocence in a way protects him from what's really happening."

"What do you think Lyss is thinking right now?" she asked.

"Probably ready to kick our asses... but she is probably blaming herself."

"She's always did that," Sophia nodded.

"Yeah," Derek agreed. They were silent for a few moments until Noah snored again and Meredith let out a sigh.

"Daddy," Sophia whispered.

"Yeah baby," Derek said.

"I really don't want to have to explain to Noah that Mommy is on a trip as well," she said fearfully. Derek held her close.

"Me either sweetheart," he murmured looking at his kids asleep behind him and then his wife. "Me either."

* * *

"So how have you been baby?" Mer asked as they walked through the halls of the hospital in her afterlife. She reached out and pushed a piece of hair back on Lyss's face and stroked it once. Lyss looked at her.

"Mom.... Seriously?" Lyss sighed as they sat down on a gurney right outside Derek's office.

"Lyss," Mer murmured. "Saying I am going to fight and doing it are two different things."

"No they aren't Mommy," Lyss said.

"Lyss..." Mer began.

"Mommy," Lyss put her hand up. "I may be dead, but you have other children, other responsibilities you need to take care of... Sophia, she is barely holding on because I died, you can't make her the mother of everyone else because that's what she would do if you die. Hayley and Paige, they are scared, they look up to Soph and since she is breaking down, they are completely lost. Jake, he is trying to take Daddy's place, just like he did when you guys were with me in the hospital during induction, because Daddy is just as distant now as he was then. Kels is regretting our rivalry and needs you, her mother, to answer all her questions and help her. She is only 9. And Noah, Noah barely understands my death, he still thinks I am coming back, yours.... he'll be broken, that little five year old boy we both love, it will ruin him. And Daddy..."

Mer bit her lip, tears running down her face, and held her hand up.

"Lyss," she shook her head. "Baby.... I.... I.... I love them, so much. I love you, I love him, but he doesn't."

"Mommy, Daddy loves you," Lyss protested.

"He doesn't," Mer spat out bitterly. "Two weeks ago, he told me that he hated me. I didn't know his car was in the garage and I went into the house. We screamed at each other for a long time and then he bluntly said that he hated me."

"But..." Lyss bega but Mer continued.

"I don't want to hurt Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, or Noah... but that man.... my husband, your father, he is my life..... if he hates me, I can't can't survive. Not without him and you.... and if I go back... if I survive.... I'll lose you again.... and your father is already lost."

"He loves you," Lyss protested.

"No he doesn't," Mer shook her head, defeated. Lyss got agitated.

"YES HE DOES!" Lyss screamed. Meredith's mouth gaped.

"Alyssa Danielle Shepherd, do not use that tone of voice with me," Meredith commanded before she realized what she said. All of a sudden her hand flew to her mouth. Lyss tried and failed to stifle a giggle.

"I didn't realize how much I miss that," Lyss blurted out. Mer and Lyss collapsed in a fit of giggled, grabbing each other in a hug, and falling over. They didn't stop for about ten minutes, laughing so hard their eyes were glittering with tears.

Meredith pushed Lyss hair back and kissed her gently on the head. Lyss looked up at her and smiled sadly.

"If you die, it will break him," she said.

"Lyss..."

"I will... I don't care what you said he said, he didn't mean it, I know it.... Soon after I died, you slipped away from him, and he knew it. He tried to stay strong for you, because you couldn't be there for everyone. He was trying to be both the mother and the father. But... you know Daddy.... he thinks he can to everything, he thinks he is everyone's McDreamy... but he was bound to crack.... and he did. He took it out on the people who deserved it least, I know that and he knows that. But Daddy is as sick as you are, as scared as you are, missing me as much as you are. The difference is he doesn't let it show like you, which is why he said he hated you, he cracked. He didn't mean it, but he can't stop it. You two are perfect for each other because you are both so stubborn."

Meredith was shocked as she looked at the girl in front of her. She didn't recognize her. She held so much wisdom. For a second it felt like it wasn't her Alyssa Danielle Shepherd.

"She's right Meredith" a new voice said. She looked to where the sound came from and a man was stepping out of Derek's office. A man she felt she knew, and by the look on Lyss's face, she knew him.

"Mom," Lyss said, holding her hand out for her. Mer took it timidly, feeling as though she was no longer talking to her daughter. "I'd like you to meet Grandpa."

"Grandpa?" Mer questioned but the man held his hand out.

'"Christopher Michael Shepherd," the man said.

"Your..." Meredith stuttered.

"Your father in law," he smiled, wrapping an arm around Lyss. "Yes."

"Holy.." Mer stuttered and reached her hand out to shake his.

"Meredith," he smiled and gestured for a hug. On shaky legs Meredith walked into the hug, feeling a sense of familiarity as he wrapped his large arms around her body. "I see why my son loves you." Meredith opened her mouth to say something. "He does love you Meredith... he's just... he's Derek.... I have seen this before when I died.... trying to take responsibility for everything when it is impossible... hurting the people he loves... he loves you Meredith."

"I..." she stuttered. And then all of a sudden, other ghosts flooded the room. She recognized them all. Denny, Ellis, Susan, Liz, Bonnie, Dylan, Lucy, Chase. All there for her.

She watched in awe as she saw Lyss interacting with all of them. Hugging Chase and then kissing him. Meredith smiled to herself, they were together forever now, able to exist blissfully with each other. All of them greeted her as well, warmly this time. And as he person hugged her, Meredith felt a little strength come into her.

Then all of a sudden, they weren't around her anymore. All of the ghosts talking to each other, something Meredith felt left out on. She watched as her daughter, moved from person to person, a wide smile on her face, something she has missed so much. She was so proud of her in that moment.

"You raised her well Meredith," a new voice said from beside her. It was Ellis.

"Mom," Mer breathed.

"You couldn't have done a better job," Ellis continued. "You've shaped her into a well rounded, intelligent, confident, and determined girl I have grown to love and get annoyed by very often." Meredith let out a laugh. That was a feeling everyone in her family had with Lyss.

"That's Lyss for you," she said.

"You did amazing with all of them," Ellis said, referring to her other children. "You have a wonderful family."

"I do..." Mer murmured.

"Do you really want to leave them?" Ellis questioned. Meredith's mouth dropped open as she let out a sigh. Ellis walked away, leaving her alone again. Watching Lyss sit with Chase and talk with Lucy, Mer shook her head, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Oh what did I do," she whispered.

* * *

**This chapter is pretty much self explanatory. This story is about to turn from heartbreaking, to bittersweet, and then eventually relatively happy.  
**

**A/N: One more rehearsal for the Christmas Show left! And I have Thanksgiving break to update as well :)  
**

**PLEASE R&R!**


	10. Chapter 10: Lyss Part 2

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**This chapter is long yet again, it has a Noah based POV. You can see into Ali, the Shepherd kids, the cousins, some of their Aunt's and Uncle's, and also Derek's feelings and inner thoughts. There is also many many flashbacks, especially in Mer's afterlife.  
**

* * *

"Daddy," Noah whimpered as he woke from his slumber in between Hayley and Paige. Sophia and Derek's head snapped up from where they were sitting by Meredith's bed side. There wasn't any change.

"Yeah buddy," Derek asked as Sophia got off of his lap where she was dosing and sat in another seat. Noah got up and climbed onto his lap and hugged his neck.

"I haded a bad dream," he whispered and buried his head into his neck.

"What about?" Derek asked gently.

"Mommy and Lyssa were packing their bags and going on the trip without me...." he cried and Derek felt his throat tighten. He looked over at his daughter who was looking down, but he could see the tears that were running down her face.

"Buddy I..." he began but Noah interrupted.

"I begged them not to go but they didn't answer me," Noah sobbed. "They only said that they were leaving me because they didn't love me! Do Mommy and Lyssa not love me... is that why Lyssa is on her trip now?"

"No," Derek shook his head and tried to find the words to calm his son.

"Is Mommy going on a trip now too," Noah continued to wail. Derek looked over and saw Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels, all awake now and looking at him with wide scared eyes, as if they were asking the question too.

"We don't know," Derek murmured.

"Does that mean she doesn't love me," he cried.

"Noah," Derek said and took his arms and unwrapped them from his neck so he could look his son in the eye. "Mommy and Lyss love you very much."

"Then why did Lyssa leave me," he sniffled.

"She left you because she loved you, she loved us all... she left because seeing her in the pain she was in was hurting us all, and she wanted to save us from that pain," Derek explained.

"What about Mommy," Noah whimpered.

"You know how Mommy and I have been fighting?" Derek asked gently with a side-glance to his other children. Noah nodded. "She was fighting with herself inside... you see.... she misses your sister so much that she wants to go on the trip too and be with her."

"But I thought you said she loved me," Noah cried out in despair, his blue eyes wide.

"She does buddy," Derek reassured.

"But if she goes on a trip she is leaving me!" Noah wailed.

"She is wants to go on this trip because she feels she can't be a good enough mother because she is missing Lyss so much... she thought we'd all be better off without her," Derek told him, hurt clearly evident in his voice because that is what he truly believed and was sort of true.

"That's not right," Noah shook his head fiercely. "We need her!" All of a sudden, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kels were behind Derek.

"Why don't you tell her that," Derek said hoisting him up to lean gently on Meredith's bed. He turned to his kids, his eyes softening. "Why don't you all tell her." Everyone nodded solemnly.

"Mommy," Noah said confidently. "You shouldn't go on the trip like Lyssa... I will miss you too much..." he looked at his father hesitantly.

"Go on," he pressed gently.

"I love you Mommy... and your the best Mommy ever.... even if you are sad because Lyssa is on her trip.... I will always love you.... and.... and..." He looked at his father once more. "And I will still love you even if you choose to go on your trip... but I really hope you don't." Derek's eyes widened and suddenly he didn't feel like he was holding his five year old son.

"That's the same with everyone Mom," Sophia spoke up and walked over to her siblings.

"We love you," Hayley added.

"Your our mother," Paige said.

"We don't want to see you.... go on a trip as well," Kels said, choosing her words carefully.

"This past month has been hard, terrible, but you were there for us even if you were _there _there," Jake said. Derek felt a rush of familiarity as he remembered the sorrowful goodbyes to Lyss. Her friends, her Aunt's, Uncle's, cousins, and grandmother flocking her bedside to say goodbye before it was too late.

"We may fight some times, but we know your love is unconditional," Paige told her.

"And you should always know that no matter how often we fight, we always feel the same way," Hayley told her.

"If the family loses you like we lost Lyss.... I don't think we will recover," Jake said sorrowfully.

"And I need my mom," Kels begged. "I am coming into my teen years soon... I am almost 10... that's double digits and... I need my mom to tell me what to do and how to act and... please..."

"Please don't leave us," Hayley said.

"If you do... we won't be mad we'll just be..." Sophia said but trailed off.

"Broken," Jake finished.

"So fight for us and for Daddy," Paige said.

"Fight for us Mer," Derek murmured and grabbed her hand. All of a sudden, he felt her squeeze it, gently and he gasped. He looked at her face but there was no change in it, except the slight toss of her head. He sighed in defeat, remembering all the times Lyss did that in her last moments of life. Trying to connect with the outside world and fighting her inner battle. That's when Derek realized, would Mer ever wake up?

Not in the alive way but, she was no longer on the vent and she was still breathing on her own. If her brain never recovered, she could be in this state for a long time, until she becomes septic or worse. Derek shook the thought out of his head, he had to be there for his kids now. All of a sudden Izzie walked in gently. He caught her eye and then looked at Noah.

"Noah," she smiled. "Do want to come with me? I am rounding and thought that you might want to join me?" He jumped up his eyes wide.

"Yes please," he nodded enthusiastically. He turned to Derek. "Daddy?"

"You can go," Derek nodded. He was about to run when he looked at Meredith in the bed. He ran towards her, climbed up the bed, and left a gently kiss on her cheek.

"Bye Mommy... hope you feel better," he said and ran towards Izzie.

"Thanks," he mouthed towards her and turned back to his kids.

"We're gonna go... maybe find Aunt Cristina or Uncle Mark, or see if Aunt Kathy and them are still here," Sophia spoke for everyone and kissed his cheek.

"Get some rest Daddy," Hayley said as they went down the line saying goodbye to him, leaving him in the room alone with his wife.

"You hear that Mer," Derek whispered. "You may think Lyss needs you... but we all need you too."

* * *

Meredith didn't know how long she had been there for. In this other world, her afterlife. The only thing she was really conscious of was the look of determination on her daughter's face. One that was hard to let down.

"So..." Lyss led on.

"So..." Meredith stuttered.

"Mommy... you know that it's still me... your Lyss... you can talk about anything," Lyss told her. Meredith reached up and stroked her longer blond hair. She still marveled the long locks that had disappeared from her daughter's head because of chemo. "I know..." Lyss spoke up again. "I can't believe it either."

"Your so beautiful baby," Meredith whispered.

"Mommy," Lyss said, knowing that was not what she wanted to say.

"I remember the day you were born, so clearly," Mer whispered. "I remember everyone... Sophia, it was in the middle of a lightning storm, we were slipping on the road because your father had one protective hand on my stomach. Then there was an accident on the freeway and your father stormed out and got one of the police officers to escort us to the hospital." Lyss smiled and let her continue.

"What about Hayley and Paige," Lyss whispered and leaned her head on her mother's chest. She was loving the time she had with her mother, time she knew that if her plan worked out, would come to an end.

"I was hiding in the tunnels of the hospital," Mer reminisced. "Your Aunt Addie was in town and we weren't friends yet... she was being sort of bitchy but your father stood up for me and grabbed Soph to help find me. Addie decided to help and found me laying on the floor in pain because they were coming and my contractions were minutes apart. She got me up to the OR and delivered them herself... That's why Paige is named after her." She looked at Lyss and she nodded for her to continue.

"Jake... he was the calm one. The perfectly planned out baby. I was home with you.... your father had Hayley and Paige in daycare, and Sophia was in preschool. The contractions came... I called him, and he was born... Kels... it was a different story."

"I remember that one," Lyss whispered. "Her and Noah.... Kels... it was during my dance rehearsal when all of a sudden you went into labor. Daddy couldn't find our car so you were in the lobby gasping in pain for a while and I think I was crying."

"You were terrified to see me in pain," Mer smiled.

"Noah... that one I remember even better," Lyss said. "How many hours again?"

"22," Meredith muttered dryly and Lyss giggled. "You were just happy because we didn't make you go to school."

"I wanted to see my baby brother," Lyss smirked. "Not my fault that you didn't realize I slept in and was under the covers on the couch." Mer paused.

"Yours was the scariest," Meredith murmured. "I... I was so scared that you would stop breathing... you were so tiny..." She broke off as she heard Lyss gasping for air. Mer froze.

"Mom... Mom...." she gasped grasping her neck.

"Lyss," Meredith said in panic. "Someone help me!" Chase and Denny appeared suddenly as Lyss collapsed to the floor.

"Mom-my," Lyss gasped and began coughing. Mer froze. "I can't breath." She realized this was how the last few moments of Lyss's life were spent.

"Lyss honey calm down," she said shakily. "What can we do to help her?"

"Nothing," Chase murmured as he bent down next to his love.

"She's in pain," Mer wailed.

"You have to let her ride it out," Denny told her as Lyss's eyes fluttered closed.

"I need to intubate!" Meredith exclaimed. Meredith began doing compressions and looked at Chase who was looking at her sorrowfully. All of a sudden, Lyss disappeared from under her and so did Chase. Then she remembered, she did the same thing with Bonnie her first time in the after life.

"That's what happens with Lyss Meredith," Denny told her.

"Were those what her last moments were like," Mer whispered and Denny nodded.

"Only you have the power to free her from that," Denny said.

"What?"

"She can't leave until she saves you," Denny said.

"But why are you here?" Mer questioned.

"I'm free to come and go... so is everyone else... but Lyss," Denny told her. "We just choose to stay with her... we are choosing to help save you."

"So... it's me who is causing my little girl pain," Meredith said fearfully.

"Meredith... she isn't a little girl anymore," Denny said. "When you're up here... you know things... you learn things.... you grow from it.... and Lyss has.... she understands things now... she..."

"Why can't I learn those things too?" Meredith whimpered.

"It's not your time... and I don't know how much time you have left before it is," Denny told her gently.

"You don't know?" Mer spat. "You said you know things... why don't you know that!"

"Only you know," Denny said simply and disappeared into thin air, leaving Meredith alone.

* * *

Allison Sarah Karev felt her heart wrench as she left the hospital early Monday morning, heading to school, going on with her life, while Lyss's family, her family's was falling apart. Her dad drove her to school after Dylan. She didn't have the energy to get really ready and only slipped on a sweat shirt, jeans, and threw her hair up into a quick pony tail.

She didn't get any sleep the night before. Or the night before that. She was too concerned for her Aunt Mer. For her Uncle Derek, for her cousins, for her other Aunt's and Uncle's, and for her parents. It reminded her a bit of the day Lyss died. When her friends came over her house along with all her cousins.

_Ali walked slowly out of the Shepherd house, her legs barely wanting to function. It was already 10 pm. Hours after Lyss died, her best friend since she was not even a year old. Everyone had been there except her Aunt Callie, Miranda, and Uncle Richard who forced themselves to work or some of Lyss's cousins who weren't as close to her as others brought the younger kids back to the hotel, Lily included for she hadn't stopped crying since she said goodbye to Lyss._

_Her Aunt Meredith and Uncle Derek, heart broken, went upstairs to sleep off their weariness and tears as soon as her Uncle Derek got home from the morgue. Hayley, Paige, Sophia, Jake, and Kels were just sent up to bed, all in Hayley and Paige's room, not wanting to be apart._

_Her father's hand was on her back as she walked into the house, her friends close behind. The parents all agreed it would be best if they stayed together that night and Alex and Izzie offered their place. That's when she saw Noah on the couch with Dylan who came to watch him. He turned around and looked at her, and from the look on his face, he knew exactly what happened even if he didn't know know._

_Mike, Tuck, Trevor, and Nate were watching TV silently. Talia and Morgan were playing distractedly with Tyler and Taylor. Ali bit her lip sadly. They would never remember their cousin Lyss. _

_Ali was surprised she stopped crying. Once the initial shock was over that one of her best friends was dead, the tears had stopped running. She thinks it was because she wanted to stay strong for Mike, and the look on her parents faces after it just happened had snapped her into trying to stay strong. She never saw them like that and it scared her._

_She looked back at her friends. They all had faces that conveyed what she was feeling inside. It was then she decided she had to be strong for them as well. When they all curled up together on the blowup mattress in the basement, Ali didn't sleep, fearing she'd dream of Lyss and break her silent vow to herself._

When she slipped into the seat next to her father she looked into his eyes. They conveyed the sorrow she saw in Derek's eyes, the worry she saw in her Mom's, and the anger that everyone was feeling. They didn't think God would be so cruel that he would take Mer and Lyss in the same year.

She wasn't sure how long it took her to get to school, but she knew that when she saw her friends, she'd be able to let out all the feelings she had bottled up inside, trying to stay strong for Dylan, Mike, her parents, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, Noah, Derek, and Meredith. With timid steps, Ali walked towards the hallway where her locker was, thankful her friends were not there yet.

A lone tear slipped down her face looking at Lyss's locker. She should be there, running in to get her stuff, late like she always was. She should be happy, laughing, and joking with her friends. Her family she all be healthy and not in the hospital except for work. But that's what would happen in a perfect world, and Allison Sarah Karev's world was anything but perfect.

"Al," she heard Hannah say. Ali turned to her friend. Nikki, Britt, and Becca were there too. "Where were you this weekend?"

"No one was home at your house all weekend," Becca said.

"And the Shepherd's," Britt added. Ava was now with them.

"Is something wrong?" Nikki asked. Ali opened her mouth to speak but Miss Klicka came up to her as well.

"Ali," she said. "If you don't mind me interrupting um... I was just wondering... do you know why Hayley and Paige aren't going to be in school today?"

"They aren't gonna be in school today?" Hannah questioned.

"Is everything all right?" Miss Klicka asked. Ali shook her head, trying to hold in her tears.

"No," she bit her lip.

"Is it about Lyss?" Ava asked.

"The grief counselor will be happy to speak to you again," Miss Klicka said.

"No," she shook her head. "And sorta," she added to answer Ava's question.

"So what is it?" Becca asked. Ali took a breath.

"My Aunt Mer, Lyss's Mom, had an accident," Ali began. "She's been having a really hard time handling Lyss's death and she was drunk.... and... she fell down the stairs."

"Oh no..." Miss Klicka gasped. "Is she okay?"

"No," Ali told them. "You see... Noah, Lyss's youngest brother.... found her... on the floor... called my Mom over and well.... she had head trauma, a broken leg, and a dislocated shoulder that needed surgery.... and now she is in a coma. We don't know..." She trailed off.

"Oh I am sorry," her teacher sighed and grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. "This isn't what anyone needs right now."

"Yeah," she murmured. The day flew by. Ali knew she just wanted to be back at the hospital with her family. Soon her wish was fulfilled and she was sitting in the waiting room with Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Kels, Dylan, Morgan and Talia. The boys of the family were all distracting Noah in the cafeteria, Tuck making sure they wouldn't run wild.

"How was school today Al?" Sophia asked.

"Sucky," she muttered. "All people kept asking me was where you were... and I had to keep explaining... it was like..."

"Lyss all over again," Paige finished grabbing her hand, stroking the back of it. Ali nodded and looked down.

"Same with me," Dylan said and Morgan and Talia chimed in.

"Don't you think we've been through enough... you think we'd get a break," Hayley said looking towards Lyss's room, the room where her Mom was currently fighting for her life.

"I want to go back to last summer... make sure Mom and Dad went to Lyss's recital... then she would have told them she wasn't feeling good and it wouldn't have been Stage IV," Kels spat.

"No sense wishing when you know it won't happen baby," Sophia said as Kels rested her head on Sophia's shoulder and closed her eyes. Sophia stroked her hair gently and found the scar that she caused just a few months ago.

"I know," Kels murmured. "But I wish that wasn't true either."

"Don't we all hun, don't we all," Dylan said looking back to Meredith's room, Lyss's room, the room, that if Mer died, would be cursed for their family, and remind them everyday of the death's of two of there loved one's.

* * *

Meredith felt a chill as she walked down a hallway of the hospital alone. How did her life come to this? Having to choose between spending an eternity with her dead daughter, or fighting to stay alive and live out the rest of her life with her husband and 6 other kids. How was she supposed to choose?

All of a sudden, a dog barked from behind her. Mer spun around and her face lit up.

"DOC!" she exclaimed and bent down and the dog pelted towards her and covered her face with licks. "Yeah boy... yeah."

"He's a good dog," Lyss said from behind, making Mer jump. "He's a great replacement for Hershey."

"Lyss," she gasped and ran towards her daughter.

"It scared you didn't it... I hate it," Lyss whispered.

"And I am keeping you here," Mer said regretfully.

"Mommy... you need to fight," Lyss told her. "Not just for me."

"I am trying," Mer told her. "I just don't know what to do."

"Try harder... fight harder," Lyss begged. "Mommy you know what to do."

"No I don't," Mer shook her head.

"Yes you do," Lyss said gently, grabbing her mother's hand and looked into her eyes. She saw the sorrow and regret.

"You were always so determined," Meredith said breaking her gaze and looking down.

"You and Daddy taught me to be that way," Lyss said.

"Remember the day you came home from the hospital?" Meredith said. "And you refused to let anyone help you."

"Which time," Lyss smirked. "For my leg when I was two, appendicitis when I was 6, however many times for stitches when I was 8, 9, and 10, my arm when I was 11, or... everything in the past 7 months."

"All of them... or most of them anyway," Mer said. "Especially when you were two and six."

"I can't remember what happened after my leg that Christmas when I was two... only how it happened," Lyss murmured.

_"Hey Lily, Lyss," Chris smiled at his younger cousins. He was the oldest of them, being 13 year old, and took charge of everything when their family got together._

_"Hi!" Lyss smiled abandoning her play with the doll house her and Lily were playing with. The two little girls, the youngest in the family besides Jake, stood up side by side, looking at all their cousins._

_"We wanted to tell you it's your turn," Michael said._

_"What you mean Mikey?" Lily asked her big brother, sticking her thumb in her mouth._

_"Every year," Sarah began, she was the oldest of the girls being 12. "The youngest kids have to go to Nana and get everyone cookies."_

_"Jakey is the youngest," Lyss pointed out._

_"He's a baby," Kristen told her._

_"Nana tolded us we haded to wait till tomorrow," Lily said._

_"We askeded her already," Lyss told them sadly. The older kids smirked, they knew this already._

_"Oh... then that means you have to climb to get them," Josh said, winking at everyone else._

_"Climb?" Lyss asked her green eyes wide._

_"The cookie jar is on the fridge," Lori said. "You have to climb up there and get it."_

_"That's high," Lily said, her voice full of fear._

_"I don't wanna," Lyss shook her head._

_"Your afraid aren't you," Sophia said to her sister. At the time she was 6 years old._

_"I am not Phia!" Lyss stomped her foot, and frowned._

_"You must be because I was even younger then you are when I did it when it was my turn," she told her. Lyss's eyes widened._

_"We gotta," she nudged Lily._

_"Unless your scared," Jill prompted her younger sister._

_"And you wanna break Shepherd tradition," Jen said._

_"Okay," Lily gave in. "But I don't wanna go all the way."_

_"I will," Lyss piped up._

_"What if we get caught?" Lily asked._

_"You won't... the turkey and ham are cooking and everyone, even Nana are gawking over Jake," Amy reassured her. The two little girls nodded and began to walk to the kitchen._

_"I don't remember a tradition," Paige said loudly. Her and Hayley had sat back quietly this whole time being only 4 and not really into the loop with their cousins._

_"Be quiet!" Adam, Katie, and Amanda hissed._

_"But," Hayley piped up._

_"You want cookies don't you?" Sophia questioned her younger sister's harshly. They both nodded. "Then hush." A minute later Lily and Lyss came back._

_"Where are they?" Chris asked._

_"It too high," Lyss said._

_"I can't getted Lyssa up there," Lily said. All the cousins let out an exasperated sigh. They decided to send Sophia, Lori, and Kyle to help them up. Once the deed was done, the two little girls balanced one the counter, sharing a terrified glance._

_"Lyss... go," Sophia urged and ran out of the room. Chris and Sarah watched from the dining room for they were the only ones who could see over the half shelf in the kitchen._

_"Come on Lily," Lyss said. "Bended down I get on you and den on the fridgerator."_

_"Okay," Lily said warily. Lyss, scared, took a deep breath and climbed on Lily's back, keeping balance. She then proceeded to grabbed the side of the fridge and hoist herself up._

_"I did it," she praised herself and reached for the nearest cookie jar on the shelf with a smile. When she was inches from it, her body suddenly slipped off the side, and she plummeted to the ground with her eyes wide. Lily watched fearfully. When she hit the ground a sharp pain went through her leg and she let out loud scream and began sobbing._

_In the living room, the parents froze._

_"That's Lyss!" Meredith exclaimed and handed Jake to Lyndsey who in turn followed Meredith and Derek to the kitchen. There they found Lyss in the middle of the floor, clutching her leg, tears streaming down her face, and Lily shaking on the counter._

_"Lyss," Derek gasped and bent down next to his daughter. "Baby what happened?" Lyss was shaking and sobbing too hard to answer, so Meredith lifted her on her lap and was soothing her cries, while Derek examined her leg gently. Kathleen and Robert walked over to Lily._

_"Lily what are you doing up there?" Rob asked as he gently put her down._

_"We were getting cookies," Lily whimpered. "Is Lyssa gonna be okay."_

_"It's broken," Derek answered, stepping back from his still sobbing daughter who know clutched Mer's neck._

_"I thought Nana told you guys no, you know that was wrong," Kathleen scolded._

_"Their two Kath," Liz reassured. "It's fine."_

_"They still shouldn't have done it Ma," Derek said, not looking up from Lyss. "We'll talk to Lyss after we take her to the hospital."_

_"But the tradition," Lyss whimpered, not looking up from her mother's chest as Mer stood up from the floor carefully.  
_

_"Yeah," Lily piped up. "They told us it was a tradition that the youngest Shepherd's had top get everyone cookies and if Nana said nowe haded to sneak them."_

_"Who's they?" Rob asked. Lily pointed to the dining room._

_"The older kids," she squeaked. _

_"Everyone," Nancy boomed. "Get over here NOW!" The kids all sulked over, Chris and Sarah in front._

_"Feel free to extend any punishments to Hayley, Paige, and Sophia," Meredith said narrowing her eyes at her daughter's. "While we go to hospital."_

_"But Mommy we didn't do anything," Hayley whined looking at Paige and them both glaring at Sophia._

_"I know you and Paige are younger but you couldn have stopped them when you knew it was wrong," Meredith commanded._

_"We will speak to you three when we get back," Derek said sternly. "Could you all watch Jake as well."_

_"Sure DerBear," Emma said and reached out for Sarah sternly. The last thing Lyss saw as the door shut was the parents standing in front of everyone ready to yell. After 3 hours in the ER, they got her home with a pink cast wrapped around her left leg. When they were back, dinner was already finished so Meredith, Derek, and Lyss ate by themselves. For desert, only Lily and Lyss got a cookie and hot chocolate, the rest got nothing and were grounded for two weeks. While Lily and Lyss was sitting by the fireplace looking at Lyss's cast that was propped up, all the kids came over, prompted by Liz._

_"We're sorry," they all said._

_"It's okay," Lyss smiled, the broken leg not phasing her. She thought it was cool. Sophia, Hayley, and Paige came up to hug her and Lyss swung her leg over to stand. That's when Meredith came rushing over._

_"No honey," she said gently. "You can't stand up until your cast is off."_

_"Why?" she asked, her eyes wide._

_"Because you could hurt your leg even more," Mer told her. "So me and Daddy will carry you till you get it off."_

_"That's no fun," Lyss frowned and Mer realized she was in for one interesting 4 to 6 weeks, and that her daughter was not about to cooperate._

"It was always a good excuse to do what I wanted whenever we got together," Lyss smirked. "I never let any of em forget it."

"That's my Lyss," Mer smiled and they began to walk around, Doc at their feet. "I always knew I could count on you to keep them all in line."

"Unless I was apart of it," Lyss laughed. "Then that's another story."

"Completely," Mer said grabbing her hand. They walked into a waiting room. You couldn't tell unless you knew the hospital as well as Mer and Lyss, since everything looked so different. It was just a bunch of chairs in a room. Meredith heard Lyss gasp and she looked towards her. She had stopped walking, her eyes closed, and she had a peaceful look on her face as she sighed.

"Lyss... what's..." Mer began but Lyss held her hand up, opened her eyes, and smiled.

"Phia... Paige.... Kels... Hayley," she said wistfully. "They are here."

"Here?" Mer questioned.

"In this room... in the real world," Lyss murmured. "They are here for you."

"Me..." Mer murmured.

"It will break them Mommy... if you die... and then you never see them again because you'll only get glimpses, moments when..."

"When you cross paths...."

"How did you..."

"Denny... told me... my first time here."

"That's all you get... moments with the ones you love," Lyss said. Another look came upon her face as she walked over to her chair and sat on it. "They're all here."

"Who?" Mer asked, wondering why she couldn't feel it too.... that must mean she's not dead yet.

"Ali," Lyss smiled. "Dyl, Morgan, Tally, Aunt Lexie, Aunt Izzie, Aunt Cristina, Aunt Addie, Uncle Alex, Uncle George... and..."

"And who?" Meredith questioned.

"Aunt Kathy, Aunt Emma, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Lyndsey, and Nana," Lyss whispered.

"All of them... but what about Jake, Noah, and..."

"If everyone else is here, they will be too," Lyss reassured. "Jake's probably keeping Noah company and distracting him... like he always does... did..."

"Why are they all here?" Mer asked.

"Mommy... they love you..." Lyss said.

"No... not that," Mer said while shaking her head. "Why... why are they out here... outside these rooms... the..." Lyss nodded to the room that was outside the nurses station and Mer gasped. She couldn't look. She knew she couldn't look because that was the room that she was afraid of passing. Lyss's room... now her room. "No..."

"Misfortune all around I guess," Lyss shrugged. Mer looked up and towards the room. That room held so many memories, and so did the one next to it, Chase's. Lyss there almost everyday, collapsing in front of it when she realize she didn't dream up the fact that he died, looking towards the wall everyday during her distress and depressed period. "You have a chance to change it Mommy..." Meredith took a step forward and into the room.

"It looks different," Mer murmured.

"It's because there aren't a thousand chairs in this tiny space," Lyss teased and nudged her mother.

"Shut up," Mer laughed and noticed that there was one chair, placed on the side of the bed. It served many purposes during the past couple of months. The place Meredith or Derek sat while comforting their daughter during her surgery, where her presents were placed on Christmas, the way Noah climbed up the bed to wake her up, the place Chase sat while they kissed or just talked, where Meredith and Derek sat, watching their daughter as she slipped into a depression, where they were sitting when she asked them if she could give up, the last place they saw their daughter alive before they transported her home to die.

Lyss walked over to it and smiled. Mer knew who it was before she said it.

"Daddy," Lyss said. "He's waiting for you...."

"Der..." Mer whispered and reached out towards the chair. But she shook her head and withdrew her hand.

"He does love you," Lyss said once more before leaving the room unexpectantly. Meredith looked after her shocked for a moment, and then ran after her.

"Why... why did you leave?" she asked.

"You don't believe it... you still don't believe that he still loves you... and that's what is deciding whether you live or die!" Lyss hissed and ran. Meredith tried to follow, calling out, but Lyss was always a foot or more ahead of her. When she finally stopped, it was in the tunnels. She sat down on one of the gurneys and sighed.

"I hate it here," Lyss whispered. "I hate it here so much that... that... that I love it."

"What?" Meredith questioned.

"I didn't always hate it in the hospital Mommy," Lyss smiled. "Remember when you had surgery on my 9th birthday."

"Oh yeah," Mer smiled. "It was a weekend, and it was a birthday present that you begged me for."

"You only let me round with you once," Lyss pointed out. "After the whole 8 years old Thanksgiving fiasco."

_"Only you Lyss would want to come in to the hospital for your birthday," Derek shook his head as he drove the three of them into the hospital._

_"It's my birthday," 9 year old Lyss said. "I can do whatever I want!"_

_"It is," Mer smiled._

_"Yssa it birthday!" Noah asked from his carseat._

_"Yepp bud, it's my birthday," Lyss giggled as they pulled into the parking lot. Derek kissed Lyss on the head as they parted ways, him taking Noah up to the day care before he had rounds._

_"So what are you doing today Mom?" Lyss asked as they went into the attending's lounge. _

_"Um... rounding, rounding, charting... that's it," Mer shrugged. "Cleared it for you." Lyss smiled proudly. _

_"But I was hoping maybe you'd sneak me into a cool surgery."_

_"No way little girl."_

_"I am not little... I am 9!"_

_"Goodness half pint!" Cristina exclaimed. "Could you be any louder."_

_"Aunt Cristina!" Lyss exclaimed and jumped into her arms._

_"Ugh!" she groaned but kissed the young girl on the head anyway. "Where's the other shorties."_

_"They aren't here," Lyss said. "It's my birthday and I got to do whatever I wanted."_

_"And you picked going to the hospital... kid... your cooler then I thought," Cristina said as Alex and Izzie came into the room bickering. Meredith and Cristina got ready while Lyss greeted them._

_"Come on Lyss," Mer called. "We're gonna be late."_

_"Okay," Lyss said. "Bye," she called back to everyone else and followed her mom skipping. Once they were done rounds, Meredith and Lyss were in the tunnels, Mer charting, Lyss giggling and telling her about dance and drama._

_"We are doing Peter Pan for the next play," Lyss babbled excitedly._

_"Really," Mer said. "And let me guess, you are going out for Wendy?"_

_"No... she has to be an older girl... I am going out for Tink!" she exclaimed._

_"I'm sure you'll get it," Mer said._

_"I don't know," Lyss shrugged. "Me and Ali are going against each other for it, and I don't wanna fight again."_

_"Lyss... it's not like it was your fault she needed her tonsils out right before the show and couldn't sing with everyone," Mer told her. "She realized it eventually and if you get Tink, she'll realize that you were the one the chose and accept it eventually."_

_"Okay," Lyss sighed and opened her mouth to speak again but was cut off by beeping._

_"Sorry Lyss, I am getting paged t\o the ER," Mer said quickly and gathered her things. Lyss followed her as she ran._

_"Go to the daycare honey," Mer told her._

_"That's for babies," Lyss whined._

_"Alyssa," Mer growled and then saw Cristina not doing anything._

_"Cris!" she called. "Watch Lyss!" Lyss stopped as her mom ran on and walked towards her Aunt tearfully._

_"What's wrong half pint," she asked._

_"It's my special day and my Mom's gonna have a surgery," Lyss whispered. Cris smiled._

_"Then I have a present for you," she said and took her hand, while paging Derek to tell him to move her family party to the hospital. She made her close her eyes and when she opened them, she saw her mother in the OR.... she was in the gallery._

_"Aunt Cristina," she squealed and hugged her but then stopped. "Mom said no."_

_"What she doesn't know... won't hurt her," Cristina smirked and pulled out her phone and started texting Derek. When the surgery was finally finished, Lyss looked at the clock and frowned._

_"We missed my birthday dinner," she whimpered, but had no clue Mer was also in on what Cristina and Derek had been planning. When she walked out and towards the attending's lounge to meet her mom, she saw something in the closed cafeteria. When she looked inside, she saw whole family waiting for her._

_"We didn't miss it," she exclaimed at Cristina and ran inside. She had a great time and it was like this was planned all along._

Mer had tears in her eyes, while thinking of the last birthday of Lyss's, equally as fun and in the hospital, but Lyss had cancer.

"Mommy," Lyss said. "Just because I am not with you anymore, to have anymore memories like that... doesn't mean that you never want to have any ever again... does it?" Mer sighed and looked up at her daughter, but gasped.

It was Lyss's voice, but not Lyss. Or.... she wasn't sure. A light coming in through the window had morphed her shape. The girl standing in front of her had to be no more than 25. She was tall, skinny, with bright green eyes, and not light blond, but dirty blond hair like Mer's that was down to her shoulder. She looked even more like Mer then she did now, she was beautiful. Mer knew that this is what Lyss would have looked like when she would be starting her residency if she had lived.

"Oh god," she whispered and looked down.

"Mommy," Lyss prompted.

"I know what I have to do."

* * *

"Derek," Izzie's voice made him jump as she entered the room. Derek looked at her.

"Iz," he murmured. She came up from behind him and looked at Mer.

"There's some brain activity... Dr. Hendricks came in when you were sleeping."

"But it doesn't mean that she'll wake up," Derek shook his head.

"It means there is a chance... and that's the best news we have had since she fell...."

"But it doesn't mean she wants to," Derek spat.

"Derek," Izzie murmured and placed a hand on his shoulder. "That woman loves you... she's always loved you.... through Addison, drowning, Rose, evereything... she has always loved you."

"But..."

"Derek... have hope," Izzie told him. "It's all we got."

* * *

Meredith could barely see out of her tears as she met Lyss in _the_ hallway. The hallway she had met her mom in the last time.

"Lyss..." she cried. "I can't leave you."

"You can, and you will," Lyss told her.

"Lyss.... I... you and your brothers and sisters were the best things that ever happened to me... without you... it hurts."

"Mommy..." Lyss whispered, her own tears in her eyes. "When you don't have the choice, to live or die, leave the ones you love, or stay, that's when it hurts. That hurts the most."

"Oh Lyss... I don't want to leave you alone," Mer said.

"I am not alone Mommy.... I am surrounded with people who love me." Lyss looked around at the ghosts who now surrounded her. "And I'll know you'll always love me..."

"You... you... you never ceased to amaze me Lyss... throughout your life... why did you have to die," Mer shook her head.

"It was God's will Mommy... and I will regret leaving as long as you live.... but I would have regretted fighting longer too."

"I know... and that's why I knew it was the right choice," Mer nodded. "But I'll still miss you..."

"Mommy... I am never gone," Lyss reassured. "You have to find me."

"What do you mean?"

"You have to find me..." Meredith looked up in her daughter's eyes, her eyes, and knew this was the last time, for a long time, she would make sure of it. She took in her whole appearance, never wanting to forget it.

"Fight," Lyss whispered. "Fight to live... fight to find me."

"I love you," Mer whispered and grabbed her daughter in a tight hug.

"I love you," Lyss echoed. "Fight," she whispered one last time as they both let go, and Mer disappeared...

* * *

_One week later..._

Derek hadn't left the hospital, the kids had, they returned to school, but Derek didn't leave her bedside. Derek, no matter how much doubt he had in his mind, would not give up on his wife. Izzie visited him everyday to get him to leave, but he refused. Cristina had even tried, but even she failed.

Mer was off the vent, her heart was beating strongly, but she was still in a coma, and now matter how much drugs they pumped into her system, she wouldn't wake.

Derek's head was resting on her best rail, his hand grasping hers.

All of sudden, Mer's hand tightened on his. Although it woke Derek, he didn't bother to look at her face, there were tons of false alarms everyday and he had given up hope. But there was one difference today then all the other false alarms.

"Mhmm," Mer moaned and her head tossed back and forth. Derek froze, looked up, and held his breath. He didn't move a muscle as she trained his eyes on his wife's face.

"Mhmmm..." she moaned again.

"Meredith," he whispered. "Meri..."

"Derek," she croaked and her eyes fluttered open. Derek gasped and his whole body tightened up. "Der..."

"Meri..."

"Oh Derek," she whispered. "I love you... even if you don't..." Derek broke her off by planting a kiss on her lips.

"I love you," he murmured fiercely to lt her know it wass true and Mer closed her eyes in relief. Derek grabbed her gently and pulled her into a hug, never wanting to let go...

_

* * *

_

**Now what did I say about a happy ending.... :) See... if you can trust me here, you can trust me in my other stories too!**

**A/N: Christmas Show is over and during Christmas break I am getting my wisdom teeth out so I will be home a whole lot!!!!! That means UPDATES!**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!**


	11. Chapter 11: Reunion

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**This is the beginning of the happy ending.... like I promised..... but when I say happy ending, it's not the end of the story, it's just the beginning :) May be long again.... idk.... We'll see as I write... Mostly just the Shepherd intermediate family moments. Everyone has a POV except Noah, the younger mind is really hard to write... sorry... not one of my strong suits....**

**I would like to thank roserose12345 for giving me/backing up my idea for the children finding out about their mother :) **

**It took a while to write this chapter, but halfway through being stuck, I was listening to the radio and a State Farm commercial came on, after hearing _his_ voice the words just flowed lol! But after that, I learned that my Aunt just passed away so then that stalled everything....**

* * *

Derek still couldn't believe his tear stained eyes. After holding Mer for several minutes, he let go and kissed her as many time as she would let him. She was alive, and she was going to stay that way.

"Der," Mer murmured. "What happened?"

"You fell... down the stairs... when you were..." he didn't want to say it. He didn't want to remember his wife that way. He was so mad at her before, but now he didn't want to leave her ever again.

"Drunk," Mer finished. "How... how long ago?"

"About a week," Derek sighed. "You've been in a coma." Mer shifted her body but winced.

"Ow..." she murmured.

"Careful," Derek warned. "You broke your leg and dislocated your shoulder in the fall."

"So that's why I have a cast on my leg and my arm in a sling," Mer smirked weakly. Derek chuckled and kissed her again. That was his Mer.

"I missed you," he whispered. "I've missed you since that night."

"Derek I am sorry," Meredith sighed.

"No Mer, I am sorry," Derek said.

"We were both at fault," she said and looked up to him. "We are both so stubborn.... we are made for each other."

"That we are," Derek said. "And I am never leaving you again."

"I'm not planning on leaving any time soon," Mer whispered, her eyes dropping. That's when Derek realized no one else knew she was awake besides him.

"I'll be back," Derek said. Mer's eyes widened.

"Where are you going?" Mer asked, all of a sudden awake again.

"Meri... you've been in a coma for a week, your friends, our children, everyone was thinking that you were gonna die," Derek chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. "I gotta tell them you're awake."

"The kids," Mer whispered fiercely. "Are they here?"

"Maybe Noah... unless today is a preschool day.... everyone else is at school," Derek answered. "They've been here... but I forced them to go home. I haven't left."

"Okay... can you..." Mer began.

"After I tell everyone the good news," Derek sighed, kissed her again, then walked out of the room. Once he was out, and her door was closed, he let the tears go. Then he began running towards the attending's lounge. There he found Cristina, Izzie, George, Alex, Bailey, Mark, Lexie and Addie getting ready for their shifts.

"Derek what's wrong?" Izzie said, shocked. Noting the tears and his hastiness.

"She's awake," Derek said, breaking out into a smile. "She's awake... and talking.... and she's alive."

"Oh my god," Cristina gasped and ran past him, going to her person. Derek walked back while everyone else ran. He didn't know why he was so mellow. After anticipating this moment for the past week, the past month, Derek was practically speechless and couldn't believe that she was his again.

* * *

Sophia stared at the blackboard absentmindedly. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to be at her mother's bedside, with her father, waiting until she woke up, if she ever woke up.

"Sophia," Mrs. Williams asked. She seemed to have no luck when it came to her teachers. She always dreaded this class period because Mrs. Williams always treated her like she would break. Ever since Lyss a month ago and her mother a week ago.

"Huh," she said, her eyes clearing.

"Can you give me the answer?" she pressed and Sophia squinted at the board. She never learned this, or they just did.

"Sorry," she murmured and shook her head. Mrs. Williams looked at her, shook her head, then turned to the other side of the room. After getting the answer from another boy across the room, she announced individual work. Sophia silently cursed herself. She should have been paying attention. She stared at the blank page when Mrs. Williams came by her desk.

"Sophia... did you pay attention during that lesson at all?" she asked. Sophia looked up and shook her head. "And why not?"

"My Mom is in a coma, and my little sister is dead... forgive me if I space out sometimes," Sophia snapped.

"I'm gonna ignore that," Mrs. Williams murmured and started to walk away.

"You look at me as if I will break any second," Sophia said. "But I won't. I have three younger sisters and two younger brothers to take care of because my dad won't leave my mom's side. You have to stop making excuses for me... yell if you have to.... the way I am feeling I won't even notice..." Mrs. Williams looked back, smiled slightly, then patted her back as if she was a little kid. Sophia only shook her head and asked the boy next to her if she could copy his notes. That period ended quickly after that, Sophia beyond confused. She walked into English next and sat down. She hadn't been in this class for a while. This is usually when the guidance counselor would schedule her meeting with her for the past week, but Soph finally proved she didn't need her.

"Hey Sophia," her teacher, Mr. Brown said. "Long time no see... your not seeing the counselor today?"

"No," she shook her head. "She finally realized I wasn't going to talk." He looked at her sympathetically.

"If you need anything, I am here," he told her. "Here's a stack of notes that I had some of the other kids collect for you. I'm sure you can catch up."

"Thanks," she murmured and walked towards her seat. She put the notes into her binder and began looking through them. Luckily she was good at English so she probably could catch up. Mr. Brown began his lecture and Sophia took out a blank piece of paper and began writing down as much of the notes as she could. If she got distracted again she'd at least know part of it. Once most of the first page was filled up, she tuned Mr. Brown out and began thinking. Was there any way that she could have prevented her family from becoming this way?

She has been thinking like that since Lyss had died, since the day that she found out her little sister was going to die. When Lyss was hysterical, fighting with her parents and family to let her give up. She always went back to the accident, one memory that would always be fresh in her brain. Screaming and fighting with Paige in the few moments that the drunk driver jacknifed her car. It had totaled it and her parents had a new car in the driveway the day she came home. She had refused to leave the hospital without Paige or Kelsey, so they had set up a cot in Kels's room, so she could stay there until they were fit to leave.

Lyss was shaken up by the whole thing. Even with the urging of Chase, she hadn't eaten and was constantly in either Kels or Paige's room. Lyss was the first of them to find out that Kels had amnesia, Lyss was the reason they had the crash in the first place. It was terrible to say that but it was true. If they hadn't been so consumed with her surprise, which wasn't even really that big, they wouldn't have been going to the hospital at that moment. Then Sophia remembered the first time she realized her sister was really sick, but it was right after their fight at the dinner table to Sophia had ignored it.

_"Damnit," Lyss gasped as Sophia heard a crash in her room. Without Lyss noticing, even though she was still mad at her, Sophia checked in on her. She was holding her hip, cursing under her breath, and hopping in pain. "Stupid field hockey! Stupid hip!" Sophia narrowed her eyes at her sister. Her hip was bothering her?_

_Sophia knew enough about her sister's sport that it was usually her legs bothering her if anything, not her hip. She looked closer and saw Lyss rubbing and then saw the bruise that was already showing. Brusies did not show up that fast. She would have investigated it further if Lyss hadn't turned around._

_"What the hell are you looking at!" she snapped. "Get out of here!" Anger flashed through Sophia, and she completely forgot what she was saying as she slammed the door behind her. Sophia couldn't even remember what she was so worried about as she slammed her own bedroom door as she heard Lyss lock hers._

She could have told her parents that Lyss was hurting, but she refused to because she was so mad. It was her fault that she was about to lose her mother too. The phone ringing interrupted her thoughts, and Sophia gasped. Her eyes were trained on the phone as Mr. Brown walked towards it. Blood was pounding in her ears as she held her breath. She didn't hear what Mr. Brown said, only that he started walking directly to her desk. Tears began pouring down Sophia's face as she shrunk in her seat. It could only mean one thing.

"What is it?" she cried, but strangely, Mr. Brown smiled.

"Sophia... this is a good thing," he reassured.

"What?" she questioned, as if it couldn't be true.

"Your mother's awake... and she's asking for you," he said, and just like that, the tears in Sophia's eyes vanished. "The office is wondering if you can drive yourself? To your brother and sister's schools.... can you?" Sophia couldn't speak, she could only nod her head. "Okay... you're father has already called to sign you out... just stop by your locker and the office and you can go to their school's. Their teacher's are probably telling them right now." Sphia couldn't be told to leave fast enough. She started sprinting to her locker, threw her stuff in, and then ran to the office. Once they dismissed her, she grabbed her keys, and was in her car in an instant.

"She's gonna be okay," Sophia whispered as she put her shaky hands on the wheel. Before she drove away she lifted her head to the sky. "Thank you so much Lyss..."

* * *

Hayley and Paige sat side by side in their history class. They were partners like always. Since their History teacher Mr. Sola never seem to want to change their seats from alphabetical order, the twins were always seat partners whenever they were reading from their textbook or working on sheets.

Normally they hated it, because they had been together their whole life, but for the past month, this was probably the best thing for them. Especially this past week. Mr. Sola hadn't made it easy on Hayley or Paige though. Unlike their other teachers who had forgave them for mouthing off, or getting distracted, or not listening, Hayley and Paige had been detention twice in this class and forced to make up all the work and take a test the first day they got back. A test that they had no clue about.

"This is stupid," Hayley hissed as they looked down at the page that said something about the Constitution. "I don't get it at all."

"We haven't been in here for most of the week," Paige said, and then imitated Mr. Sola's voice. "Don't worry girls... you can make it up in one of my personal _detentions_."

"Does he even get that our Mom is possibly dying right now?" Hayley asked.

"Hayley and Paige Shepherd.... no talking!" Mr. Sola boomed from his desk.

"It's partner work, how are we not supposed to talk?" Paige asked him. He didn't say a word as Paige watched him get out a pink slip of paper.

"How did she get a detention for that?" Hayley announced. "She asked you a question." All he did was grab another. Hayley and Paige looked at each other and sighed, agitated. Now it was three, luckily their father didn't care. They explained it to them and he understood what they were going through, so did the principal. That's when the phone went off and Mr. Sola put down the papers to pick it up.

"Do you think he'd notice if he turns back around and all of a sudden the papers are no longer there?" Paige smiled deviosuly.

"Unfortunately he seems to have an unlimited supply," Hayley muttered. The two girls put their heads together and began working. That was until they heard the next words out of Mr. Sola's mouth.

"Yes.... they are here," he said. "Okay, I'll tell them." The two girls immediately locked eyes. They were the only two he could be talking about. The two girls grabbed each other in a hug as Mr. Sola walked towards them.

"Is it our Mom?" Paige whimpered, and for the first time in the past month, Mr. Sola's eyes softened.

"Yes," he nodded.

"What happened?" Hayley asked.

"She woke up," he said and watched as the girls faces changed.

"She... she woke up and your sister is coming to pick you up at the office," he said and smiled slightly. "You two are excused." They didn't have to be told twice as they ran down to the office hand in hand. Launching themselves into Sophia's arms as she came in. They were crying, but for joy this time.

* * *

Kelsey glared at her teacher. They were working on a group project to make a bridge out of things that a bridge shouldn't be made out of, and guess who she paired her with. Alyssa. The brunette with blue eyes, the complete opposite of her sister, and although she didn't really know her, she hated her. This Alyssa girl was constantly trying to be her friend and it was annoying as hell.

"So... I guess we gotta design this thing," Alyssa smiled at Kelsey getting a piece of paper.

"I guess," Kelsey muttered. She had no clue. Kelsey didn't think she even knew that the sister she was always so upset about had her name.

"Okay well... I guess we can used the two cereal boxes and the..." her voice trailed off as Kelsey looked out the rain stained window. She loved the rain, she loved Seattle. So did Lyss. "Kelsey..."

"Huh," she murmurued.

"I said does that sound like a good idea?" Alyssa said. Kelsey looked down at the paper and saw that Alyssa had drawn a diagram.

"Oh... yeah," she murmured.

"Do you not like me or something... why.... why are you ignoring me?" Alyssa asked, hurt in her eyes.

"Yeah," Kelsey muttered. "I don't like you at all."

"Why?" Alyssa said, shocked.

"Because, my dead sister's name was Alyssa and you came after she died and I really don't feel like dealing with you right now.... I'm sorry," Kelsey told her.

"Fine," Alyssa hissed. "If you're gonna act like that I am going to ask for another partner." Kelsey sighed and sat down, agitated.

"Whatever," she muttered.

"Kelsey Shepherd...." her teacher began but was interrupted by the phone ringing. "I'll be back...." She glared at Alyssa and turned her back.

"Yes, she is here..." her teacher said. Kelsey looked up and her teacher was looking directly at her. Kelsey gasped and turned around.

"No," she whispered.

"What?" Alyssa asked.

"My... my Mom," Kels whimpered. "It's probably about my mom."

"I'm sorry," Alyssa said and put her hand on Kels's shoulder.

"Thanks," Kels whispered as her teacher approached her desk.

"Your sisters are waiting in the office," she said.

"Because of my mom... is she..." Kels was interrupted.

"Because your mom is asking for you," her teacher smiled, and it didn't take a second for Kels to realize what she just said and run to the office.

* * *

Jake hadn't been able to see his mom since he left her room to distract Noah. It hurt that she was like that, it hurt that she could die. She was his mother. It didn't look like it because he was completely his father's son, but she was, and he loved her so much. He already lost his sister, he couldn't lose the mother who gave his sister her looks.

He remembered back when he was the youngest in the family. Before Kels was born. It was a long time ago and he barely remembered back then, but it was always funny to think back when his father would take the five of them out somewhere alone, usually when Meredith was at work. Lyss looked like a complete outsider. Everyone had their father's dark brown, almost black hair except Lyss. And even Paige's curled slight while Lyss's was completely straight. Whenever Meredith wasn't there, they'd tease her that she was adopted and Lyss would usually get upset. Jake missed those days.

Before Kelsey came in with her rivalry with Lyss. Before Lyss started to slip away from her family. Back then it was blissful and perfect. No one could have ever imagined that their family would turn out how it did. One of them dead at only 14 years old while everyone else is about to lose their Mom. Jake couldn't stand it. He flinched as the phone rang. He hadn't gotten used to the sound anymore since twice it had brought him terrible news.

"Room 124," his teacher Mr. Graham answered. "Yes this is his room, uh huh...uh huh... really? Okay, I'll tell him." Jake couldn't believe his eyes as his teacher started to walk towards him. _Number three_, Jake counted in his head. "Jake..."

"Yeah," he whispered.

"You are getting out early to see your Mom," he told him and Jake nodded solemnly. He thought it was like Lyss, like it was going to be the end of her life. "She's awake and wants to see you and your brother and sisters." Jake gasped as if he hadn't heard him right. He froze, his eyes wide.

"She's alive," he murmured.

"Yes," he nodded. "We don't know details, just that your sister is waiting for you, and then picking up your younger brother and then going to the hospital." Jake felt light on his feet as he ran down to the office, seeing everyone but Noah already in there. His Mom was alive.

* * *

Meredith's head was spinning as the flurry of people flocking the room didn't cease to happen. Before Derek's news had traveled, she was able to get a hold of her chart at the bottom of her bed.

_Severe head injury. Surgeon: Dr. Steven Hendricks and Dr. Richard Webber._

_Dislocated shoulder. Surgeon: Dr. Calliope Torres and Dr. Miranda Bailey._

_Fractured foot. No surgery required, 6 weeks in a cast._

It must have been bad if Bailey and Richard scrubbed in under something that had not been their specialty. Meredith still had head on her hair so she knew that the injury had to have been in the frontal lobe and surprisingly, she hadn't forgotten anything. She had barely had time to put her chart back when the door swung open.

"Meredith!" it was Izzie who ran over to the bed and pulled her friend into a hug.

"Mer!" Cristina gasped. It was not her person voice, it was the voice she had heard when Lyss was sick, the soft-Cristina as Mer liked to call it. They were followed by Addie, Mark, Lexie, George, Alex, and Bailey.

"Meredith Shepherd!" Miranda boomed and pushed Izzie out of the way. "The second time! The second time I had to save your life!" Meredith smiled and didn't realize how much she would actually miss the woman who was once her resident and now her family.

"I know,"she murmured.

"You've had all these fools worrying about you for the past week and all you say is I know!" Miranda hissed.

"Sorry," Mer sighed and attempted to sit up. Derek came back in the room and rushed to her bed to help her.

"She's okay now," Izzie interjected. "That's all that matters."

"Der," Meredith said, looking up at him.

"I called the schools.... they are letting Soph pick them all up," Derek said.

"The kids?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah," Mer whispered. "I am so stupid. I..."

"Don't say that Mer," Alex interrupted.

"You lost your daughter, you had a right to be depressed," Lexie said.

"Get so drunk that I can't function," she muttered. "That's not depression that's..."

"Not all your fault," Derek told her quietly.

"It's not," Elizabeth Shepherd said coming into the room.

"Mom?" Meredith gasped.

"Meredith," Liz sighed and ran towards her daughter in law.

"Careful Ma," Derek warned.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, I am not an idiot," she hissed at him and bent down gently to hug Mer. "Oh thank goodness." She let her go and stepped back.

"You were all here because of me.... because I wouldn't try and...." she whispered, ashamed. "I almost left my kids without a mother. I almost...."

"But you didn't Mommy," she heard a new voice say. Her eyes lit up as Sophia came into view at the door.

"Soph," she whispered.

"Mommy!" Sophia exclaimed and ran towards her mother's bed. Paige, Hayley, Jake, and Kels were not even a step behind her, too shocked and happy to speak.

"My babies," Mer sighed as Sophia launched herself in her mother's arms.

"Mom," Hayley murmured as Sophia moved over and let Mer embrace all five kids at once.

"Your okay," Kels whispered.

"I am honey," Mer said, tears coming as she saw their tear stained eyes. "I'm sorry I almost did it to you again."

"What?" Paige asked wiggling out of her mother's grip.

"We're gonna go," Cristina murmured as everyone but the family left.

"What do you mean Mer?" Derek asked.

"Caused you so much grief like Lyss," Mer whispered.

"Mommy it's not your fault," Kels shook her head.

"But it is," Mer said. "I only cared about myself and my own grief. I didn't think anyone could be hurting as much as I was. I tore the family apart."

"Mom," Jake said. "It's okay.... it's okay that you did that."

"None of us know what it is like to be a mother.... we don't know how it feels when one of the children that you carried around in your stomach for 9 months..." Sophia began.

"Or in Lyss's case 7," Hayley added.

"Was taken away from you against your will," Sophia finished.

"But it doesn't give me an excuse," Meredith shook her head. Derek opened his mouth to say something but realized he didn't want to share what he had to say with his kids in the room.

"But it also doesn't mean it's your fault.... it's no one's fault.... not yours, not Daddy's, not ours, not even Lyss's," Paige protested. Meredith nodded weakly and looked around.

"Where's Noah?" she asked.

"We asked Aunt Callie to watch him," Jake said. "We didn't know what your condition would be when we got here."

"Can you," Mer whispered. Jake nodded, kissed his mother on her cheek, and left the room.

"It's just one disaster after another in this family isn't it," she said looking up at her remaining kids.

"Mom," Hayley sighed.

"It is," Mer said. "First cancer, then Lyss, now... this..."

"But conquering those disasters is how we know we'll survive another day, that our family will be okay," Derek said, grabbing on to Mer's hand. Her head made a small gesture that looked like a nod.

"MOMMY!" the small, now cheerful voice of Noah rang throughout the room. Meredith's head snapped up.

"Noah," Mer smiled.

"MOMMY!" he exclaimed again and ran towards her bed. Derek lifted him onto it gently and he wrapped his tiny arms around her neck. "You're back Mommy.... your back, your back!"

"I'm back buddy," Mer smiled.

"I missed you so much!" he said and buried his face in her chest.

"I did too honey," Meredith sighed and ran her fingers through his blond hair. It may have been her color, but he had Derek's curls and Derek's eyes, and like Jake, completely his father's son.

"Lyssa gave you back," he said and squeezed her. Her looked back into her eyes. "I am glad you didn't go on a trip like Lyssa Mommy." Mer gasped and tears ran down her face. "Mommy.... what's wrong? Why you crying?"

"I'm just so sorry I almost left you baby," Mer said.

"But if you did leave would you have been happy like Lyssa is?" Noah asked.

"No.... I don't think I would," Mer shook her head. She looked at her husband, unless that this was all something for their kids and there were still divorce papers somewhere. He had tears in his eyes. Not actual tears like the ones he shed through all of Lyss's pain and dying, but the surpressed ones. The ones that you could tell they were there by just the quiver of a lip or a blink of an eye.

"Then I'm _really_ glad you didn't," Noah said giving her a toothy grin.

"We all are," Sophia said and Mer looked at her family. They were all smiling the same smiles of genuine love and understanding. And besides that, they were all Derek's crooked smile. One trait that every of of her kids except Lyss inherited. Everyone had a bit of Mer in them, whether it was their hair color, their nose, their eyes, or even her hand gestures. But in her family, there would never again be one with the same giggle as her. The same smile. And even the same rambling. When greeting her kids, Meredith's eyes would forever travel somewhere else, looking for those traits who belonged solely to Lyss. She missed her. But looking back at her family that remained in her life now, she knew that she didn't want to be anywhere but with them. No matter how much she would miss Lyss, she knew there would be a time that they could be forever together, mother and daughter, reunited, but Mer would make sure that that wouldn't be for a long time.

As Noah rested his head on Mer's chest, his hair tickling her face, Mer looked at Derek again, and in his eyes she knew this is where she belonged, forever.

* * *

**Now that everyone knows that Mer is okay.... everyone still has something in mind. And someone will have a surprise for the whole family.**

**A/N: Midterms coming up ]= Won't be able to update again before I start studying. But after the half days of school I will [= This will probably be my last update before that for any of my stories so keep an eye out for Author's Notes for them as well....**

**PLEASE R&R!!!!!!**


	12. Chapter 12: Intervention

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**A/N: Sorry I posted this same chapter again... it was just an experiment because my email is being annoying....**

**So.... there are still so many unanswered questions, and Meredith and Derek aren't getting back together just like that... they need some..... "intervention" *hint hint* Someone is going to give you a surprise that you don't expect though. I have no clue how long this chapter will be... I will see as I am writing it. I want to get to this one part after this chapter so bad it is killing me... **

* * *

"I'm hungry," Noah announced out of the blue. They had all been resting. Enjoying a family moment. No one had moved. No one had the guts to disturb them. For a few brief moments it felt as if they were trapped in a perfect world. Meredith turned towards the clock. It was already noon.

"Well what do you want baby?" Meredith asked, running her hand through his hair gently.

"Food," he giggled.

"We can take him to the cafeteria if you want?" Sophia offered.

"Thanks girls," Derek nodded. He hadn't had time alone to actually talk to his wife except for the brief moments before everyone found out she was awake. Derek bent down a kissed her briefly as the kids filed out of the room.

"Derek," Meredith murmured.

"Yeah Mer," Derek asked, sitting down in his seat.

"What does this mean?" she asked.

"What does what mean?" Derek questioned.

"Are we just supposed to forget everything that happened before?" Meredith said.

"Don't you want to," Derek said.

"Yes but... we can't ignore it," Meredith pressed. "We... we fought every time we saw each other Der... we said words that we can never take back."

"I know... and I am sorry," Derek sighed.

"Derek... it drove me to this," she said, motioning around the room. "Sorry.... sorry doesn't even begin to heal it."

"But it's a start," Derek protested.

"It's not," Meredith shook her head. "Our fighting isn't the only problem."

"Yes our daughter is dead but..."

"We need to heal in all aspects, we need to..."

"Well what do you want to do about it Mer.... it's done... we have to move on," Derek told her.

"We can't Derek... we have to learn how to deal with Lyss's death in a healthy enough way so that this doesn't happen again," Meredith said loudly.

"Well what are we supposed to do," Derek boomed. "Go to her gravesite and say. We miss you baby... but we can't... so... you don't matter anymore."

"That is not what I am talking about Derek," Meredith hissed.

"Well then what do you want to do Meredith.... pretend she never existed and just move on with our lives saying we only have six children... we can't do that," Derek yelled.

"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed.

"We've heard enough," a new voice said. Meredith and Derek looked at the door. Paige, the last one to leave, hadn't shut it entirely, and there was a little crack showing their fight to the outside world. The door opened all the way to reveal everyone. Ready to do something, and Meredith and Derek weren't sure what it was.

* * *

"I can't believe it," Izzie sighed as they left.

"What?" Alex asked. "You were the one who kept us all hopeful. Told us time and time again that she would pull through."

"Not that," Izzie shook her head.

"Then what?" Miranda asked.

"That they are acting like nothing happened," Izzie told them.

"What do you mean?" Cristina asked.

"I mean how they are just forgetting everything that happened in the past month," Izzie said, exasperated. "That Lyss died, that they were fighting and on the brink of divorce, that Mer herself almost died.... they aren't adressing it at all."

"She's right," Addie agreed. "They are acting as if they are going to become a perfect happy family again."

"And we know that is not going to happen," Izzie said. "Once Mer steps back into that house, she'll see Lyss's bedroom closed and everything will come back to her and they will get even worse. I know it."

"Then what do you suggest we do Karev?" Miranda asked.

"Even though they are acting all happy and together, I think we should still have the intervention," Izzie said.

"I think Izzie's right," Kathleen nodded. "My baby brother is an idiot when it comes to dealing with his problems. He will put it all behind him and go right back to who he was before when Mer snaps back to grief."

"Kathy," Liz shook her head. "Your brother isn't an idiot."

"But he isn't all that smart either Ma," Nancy protested.

"DerBear's impulsive," Emma nodded.

"And he's married to miss impulsive herself," Cristina said. "She is the kind of person who would rather die then deal with her problems."

"Cristina," Lexie sighed. "That's not fair."

"She drowned herself because her Mommy called her ordinary Lexipedia," Alex reminded her.

"First time I had to save her," Miranda muttered.

"Once reality sets in again," Izzie explained. "And they leave their perfectly blissful world of the hospital room, Mer will remember that Lyss is dead, never coming back. And she'll slip."

"So what, you want to put her in an alcoholic program Iz," George snapped. "Derek wouldn't allow it and neither would Mer, no matter what."

"George, calm down," Callie said.

"I don't think that's what Izzie means," Mark added.

"Then what are we supposed to do?" Addie asked. Everyone went silent. "We are all fighting over this but we shouldn't be. We should be finding out a way to help them."

"I personally want my head of neuro back," Richard said. "And I can't have that if they are how they are now. We need to make them listen."

"What?" Cristina asked. "Lock them in a room and..."

"Der won't leave Mer's side..." Lexie said. "And Mer can barely sit up, let alone get out of bed. Besides, she broke her leg and doesn't have the boot on it, she can't move."

"So what, trap them in there," Lyndsey asked.

"It's a start," Miranda shrugged. And just then, Noah, Sophia, Kelsey, Hayley, Paige, and Jake came out of the room.

"Hey guys," Izzie smiled.

"Auntie Izzie!" Noah exclaimed. "My Mommy's back!"

"She is bud," Izzie smiled.

"What are you guys doing?" Liz asked.

"Going to the cafeteria, Noah's hungry," Sophia explained and then nodded to the room. "Besides, they need time alone." Everyone else looked at eachother. They would give them some time alone, but then they would act on their plan.

"Well let's not keep the hungry boy waiting," Alex laughed as all the kids walked down the hall.

"So... how long will we give them?" Kathy asked, ready to put on her shrink face.

"Let's talk about what we will say to the first," Miranda said, but was interrupted by voice coming from the room.

_"We can't Derek... we have to learn how to deal with Lyss's death in a healthy enough way so that this doesn't happen again," Meredith said loudly._

"Are they fighting?" Richard asked, inching close to the door.

"They better not be..." Miranda hissed.

_"Well what are we supposed to do," Derek boomed. "Go to her gravesite and say. We miss you baby... but we can't... so... you don't matter anymore."_

"Derek Shepherd, you are unbelievable," Nancy muttered.

"That is not what I am talking about Derek," Meredith hissed.

"I can't believe them!" Cristina exclaimed.

_"Well then what do you want to do Meredith.... pretend she never existed and just move on with our lives saying we only have six children... we can't do that," Derek yelled._

"Now?" Addie asked.

"Now," Izzie nodded.

_"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed._

"We've heard enough," Liz announced as they all opened the door and walked in.

* * *

Derek watched as his family marched into the room, their faces, didn't look pleasant.

"I..." Derek began.

"Sit," Elizabeth commanded.

"But..." Meredith began.

"No talking," Miranda said.

"We're not children," Derek pointed out.

"But you are acting like it," Izzie pointed out.

"Yes but..." Meredith said.

"I said no talking," Miranda said.

"We'll do the talking, you two listen," Kathleen added. Meredith and Derek looked at each other quickly, then obeyed.

"What are you two doing?" Cristina began. "You love each other.... and you are fighting about something that is both your faults."

"What happened this past month is because you two are too stubborn to listen to each other, let alone deal with your problems," Nancy said.

"Now we.... your loving family," Izzie said. "Are going to help you two idiots realize you need each other."

"We know that Iz," Meredith protested.

"You certainly not acting like it Grey," Mark said. "Fighting over why you two were in a fight before."

"It's ridiculous," Lexie added.

"You two need to put all your own feelings away and realize how the other feels," George said.

"And not put your thoughts away," Callie told them. "And actual discuss what happened to your family, or otherwise, you won't have one anymore."

"That's not fair," Derek protested.

"Did we say you could talk?" Kathleen asked. Derek shook his head. "I didn't think so."

"That is what your problem is," Richard said. "Not listening... I've known you two long enough that you won't listen unless you like what you're hearing."

"And that's why you two almost got a divorce," Addie added. "You weren't listening to each other. You were fighting with each other instead of dealing with the real issue."

"And that real issue is the fact that Lyss, you're daughter, she died of cancer," Emma told them.

"And that you guys don't know how to live as a family of 8 and not a family of 9," Mark said.

"And how much you both miss her, how much your family misses her," Lexie added. "And how you two wish you died instead of her."

"None of us has ever had to deal with the death of a child before," Izzie told them. "So we have no clue what you are going through."

"But I also know that Lyss was like a daughter to all of us, all of the kids in this family are like all of our kids," George added.

"We dealt with our grief for your sake, but it's time you guys do as well," Miranda said. "And dealing with your grief means understanding each other, listening to each other. For your own sake and your children's."

"We thought once you woke up, it would be fine... and it seemed like that for the first hour," Cristina said.

"But then you started fighting for no reason," Lyndsey told them.

"And then we realized you didn't really 'wake up' in a sense," Callie said.

"Your in this dreamland where you think you'll wake up and Lyss will be back," Kathy said. "But that's not happening."

"You need to realize that's it's you two that matter," George added. "Not who's fault it was that Lyss died, why Lyss died, or why you were fighting."

"It happened, and Lord knows I wish it didn't, I mean, what grandmother wants to outlive one of her grandchildren," Liz said. "But it happened, and you need to get it through those thick skulls of yours and you need to find a way to get over that grief and move on with your lives and do something productive out of Lyss's death."

"We love you guys," Nancy told them. "But we don't love what you've done with your lives."

"And we really want the old Meredith and Derek back," Addie said. They looked into the eyes of their friends, their family, before tears came to Meredith's eyes.

"Der, they're right," she whispered.

"Yeah," Derek murmured.

"We... we've been acting so stupid, worrying about ourselves and our own feeling," Mer sighed. "Blind to the other's."

"I'm sorry Meri... I love you so much and I want to take back everything I ever said that hurt you, I meant none of it," Derek said.

"Me too..... I love you so much Derek Shepherd," Meredith whispered.

"I love you so much Meredith Shepherd," Derek said fiercely and kissed her. "Shepherd... you're a Shepherd and you always will be."

"Shepherd," Meredith sighed. "Does that mean you'll fire your divorce attourney."

"What divorce attourney?" Derek asked. "I was gonna ask you to fire yours."

"I never got one," Meredith shook her head. "I couldn't bring myself to call.... but... that day.... I saw the papers on the kitchen table, you had a number."

"I couldn't bring myself to call it either," Derek told her.

"So we were really fighting for nothing," Meredith murmured.

"Thank the Lord they realize it!" Miranda exclaimed as they kissed again.

"Look at us," Meredith laughed, wiping her eyes.

"Look at us," Derek murmured, kissing her lips repeatedly.

"Ummm..." Addison said. "I hate to ruin the moment but.... since we're all happy and everything... I wanted to say something."

"What is it Addie?" Meredith asked, looking up from Derek's eyes.

"Well... even though Kevin isn't here I wanted to say it... but..." Addie mumbled.

"Spit it out Montgomery," Miranda said.

"I.... we.... we... Kevin and I.... we're having twins," Addie smiled.

"WHAT?!" everyone exclaimed.

"I thought you were barren and all?" Izzie asked.

"I am," Addison said dryly.

"Then how," Callie began.

"We're adopting," Addison told them.

"You never told us," Miranda said.

"It was just finalized, we didn't want to jinx it.... we've known for two months... we were on the list for a while, before we were even married.... and we just got to the top," Addie beamed.

"Twins?" Richard asked.

"It would be terrible to split them up," Addie said. "And the mother is a teenager not wanting them at all... she already signed the papers and everything."

"What are they?" Nancy asked.

"A boy and a girl," Addison said.

"Addie.... you're gonna be a Mommy," Meredith smiled.

"Yeah," Addie smiled. "I can't wait, the mother is due on the 30th."

"That's really soon. Do you know what you are going to name them?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, I do," Addison whispered.

"What's wrong?" Izzie asked.

"What are their names Addie?" Meredith questioned. Addie came and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I wanted to ask you first but..." she whispered. "Kevin and I chose.... Emmeliene Alyssa for the girl and Colton Daniel for the boy, if that's alright. Emily and Cole."

"Addie," Derek breathed.

"If..." Addie mumbled. "If it's too hard."

"It's not," Meredith said, tears in her eyes all of a sudden.

"Are you sure," Addie said. "I don't want to force to say yes."

"No Addie... we would love that," Derek said, hugging his ex-wife tightly. Addie smiled as she leaned down to hug Mer.

"Thank you," Mer whispered into Addie's ear. "I know Lyss would love it too."

_

* * *

_**Next chapter is what I am soooo excited about.... sooo excited that I do not want to even give anyone of you a hint.... well, the tiniest bit of one. All the other times I was excited for a chapters in this story or Stuck in the Middle, it was usually a sad thing.... but this time.... it's not.... :D **

**A/N: Today I had off! The one good thing about midterms :) Half days and then the teachers need a day to grade! It's times like these that it's okay it's not summer (besides the fact that I have ski trips during the winter)**


	13. Chapter 13: Find Me

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :)**

**Now, the end of this chapter is the part I am SOOOOOO excited about! Something you guys may not expect. I had this in my head from the beginning, before I even finished Stuck in the Middle. The rest is just bits and pieces of the Shepherd's life leading up to this moment. There's a moment with the family, more two people then the rest and a lot of healing things... they are getting better in this chapter. The span is about a month after Mer woke up from her coma.**

* * *

"Okay Mer," Izzie said, walking into her friends room a little less than a week later. "Here are your discharge forms."

"Thank god," Meredith breathed. "I am so glad to finally get out of this bed."

"Me too," Derek said, leaning down to kiss his wife gently on the lips. In the past few days, they have talked, they figured things out, and they were going to get better.

"Ew... get a room," Sophia said walking into the room.

"Well if you guys could leave," Derek smirked.

"Ears bleeding," Paige moaned, covering hers.

"Fine," Meredith muttered. All of a sudden, the rest of their family was in there. Except everyone on the east coast, they had gone home after the intervention. "What is this?"

"We still don't trust you guys," Miranda informed her.

"So, we need to see what your plan is," Alex told them. Meredith sighed.

"First, I am going to see Dr. Wyatt every Tuesday and Thursday," Meredith explained.

"And I go with her every Thursday," Derek added.

"Richard gave me another month off, and Derek another week," Meredith continued.

"And finally... there.... there is a support group, for parents who have lost children, that the two of us are going to go to, just check it out," Derek said quietly, twining his hand with Mer's.

"Good," Addie nodded. "I am happy for you both. We all are."

"We are going to get better," Meredith said, sitting up, struggling a little for her arm was still in a sling. "For all of you." She reached out to touch Kels's hair gently.

"And for ourselves," Derek said quickly before Cristina opened her mouth.

"Lyss's death... she... it can't be the end of our lives too, and we finally realize it," Meredith said confidently "I still miss her every second of every day but... maybe if all of this works out, maybe I can learn to dull the pain."

"That's great," Miranda said confidently.

"And now... now there is something we need to say," Lexie said quietly.

"What is it?" Derek asked as he grabbed something for Mer to wear home in a suitcase the girls had brought over.

"Just because Lyss is gone... doesn't mean it stopped," Izzie said.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"The support group," George finished. "The one you created..."

"But... I... oh..." Meredith whispered. "Today?"

"Yeah," Lexie nodded.

"I... um... where," Meredith stuttered.

"Same place," Miranda said. Mer looked down.

"Mer," Derek said.

"They'll only be eight of them there," she whispered, tears coming to her eyes.

"Meri, it's only 10:45, we could hurry up before..." Derek suggested.

"No," Mer shook her head. "I... I want to see them... or at least Kaitlyn... she was pretty close to Lyss and visited her at least twice before Chase died."

"Okay," Derek nodded. He brought the wheelchair for her in the room and helped her in it.

"Der, where's the boot?" she asked, motioning to her cast. "I don't want to be immobile." Derek nodded and slipped it overtop. "Thanks."

"You ready?" Derek asked, it was now 11:05, it already started.

"Yeah," Meredith breathed as he wheeled her out of her room. Their kids were waiting outside, glad that it was a weekend and could spend the day home with their Mom. Derek continued until the made their way up to the conference room. Meredith could tell that this was it for all the parents were outside waiting. She saw their heads bent down, whispering gravely, no doubt about the death's of Lucy, Chase, and Lyss. Kaitlyn's mother looked up and saw them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd, hi," she said sadly. "We... um... we just heard the news of your daughter, or.... at least we can tell.... and.... I am so sorry."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled weakly, standing up. "And it's Meredith and Derek."

"Lauren," she nodded. Meredith made her way to the window and the door was open slightly.

"Kaitlyn," Leah was asking. "Do you know where Lucy is?"

"Yeah," Charlotte piped up, her hair was beginning to grow back since the transplant gained her remission. "What about Alyssa and Chase. Where are they?"

"Um... uh... they..." Kaitlyn stuttered. "They..."

"They're dead," Michael hissed bitterly. The younger kids gasped.

"What?" Charlotte whimpered. "How?" That's when Meredith watched Izzie and Miranda intervene.

"It's true that Lucy, Chase, and Alyssa all lost their battle's... but that doesn't mean you guys can't win yours," Miranda said.

"The three of them had much more advanced diseases then the rest of you," Izzie explained, for Lucy and Lyss had stage four and Chase had stage three. "It was harder for them."

"Isn't that Alyssa's mom?" Jessica said, pointing to Meredith. Kaitlyn looked up and stood up immediately. Exiting the room she stood face to face with her.

"When?" she croaked out.

"March 16th," Meredith whispered, acknowledging the date for the first time.

"Did she suffer?" Kaitlyn asked.

"For a little... but she died peacefully at home," Meredith reassured. Kaitlyn nodded before Meredith pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry," Kaitlyn murmured.

"She's missed... but she's not in pain," Meredith sighed.

"What... what happened?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Well... you know, Chase and Lyss got really close and she was there when he passed away from complications from a clinical trial. Eventually a month later, we found out she wasn't remissant and had no donor so... a clinical trial was her only option.... and Lyss refused the treatment and... since chances were slim... we let her..." Meredith explained quietly.

"Now they are together," Kaitlyn said.

"That's one of the only things that keeps me going," Meredith murmured, as Derek came up from behind her.

"I'll let you go," Kaitlyn said, turning back to the door. "It was great to see you.... and again, I am sorry." Meredith smiled slightly at her as she went back into the room. Meredith watched the group grow from solemn to a little more cheerful before leaving.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked her quietly, wrapping his arms around her body. She saw that Sophia had driven everyone else home.

"Yeah.... I just... I want to go home... let's go home," Meredith sighed, leaning into his embrace, forgetting the wheelchair, Derek helping her into the car. Back home, a place Meredith could actually call home again.

* * *

Paige walked to her next class slowly. Miss Klicka's classroom was down this hall and now she actually wanted to see her, for the first time. Because for the first time she had good news.

"Paige Shepherd," she heard Miss Klicka say.

"Hey," she smiled, focusing on the teacher, not the lockers outside the room, the one locker that still had the banner on it.

"How are you... and how's your mom?" she asked.

"Great actually... My mom um.... she woke up and came home this weekend," Paige said.

"That's great honey," Miss Klicka rejoiced and hugged her. "I am so happy for you."

"Yeah, the first bit of good news in a while... it was nice, being a family again," Paige murmured.

"Well... I'll let you go to your class now... tell your family that you are all still in my prayers," Miss Klicka told her.

"I will... thanks," Paige said as she walked to her next class and was greeted with the same questions from her teacher. When she began the lesson the phone rang.

"Paige Shepherd," her teacher, Mrs. Kenton said. "Your wanted in the guidance office. They said to bring your stuff."

"Are you kidding me," Paige muttered as she grabbed her books. "And today was a good day."

"Here's your homework," Mrs. Kenton told her, handing a sheet to her as she left. Paige walked as slow as possible towards the guidance office and was sent right back. Hayley was in there too, and not only was their couselor, Mrs. Reynolds there, but the grief counslor Dr. Long.

"Nice of you to join us Paige," Dr. Long smiled. Paige nodded curtly.

"So you both know why you're here... it's because..." Mrs. Reynolds began, but then something snapped inside Paige.

"Actually, I don't," she snapped.

"Paige... we all know what has happened to your family this past month, and I know you guys can't be well," Dr. Long said.

"Well you're wrong," Paige hissed. This pissed her off, she was happy and they were invading.

"Paige," Hayley whispered harshly.

"No Hayl... everyone is treating us like we are going to break but today, this is a good day.... this weekend was the first time the grief from Lyss was not present in our household. We didn't talk to anyone outside of it, it was just a perfect little world where we rebuilt our family again. We were happy," Paige exclaimed. "And now their ruining it."

"We just want to talk..." Mrs. Reynolds reasoned.

"Well we don't want to talk to you, we would rather talk to our parents, and in that case we'd go home," Paige said.

"Hayley, what is your view on this," Dr. Long said.

"I agree..." she said more quietly. "Our parents help a lot more then you.... after I talk to you, I feel sad, after talking to my parents, I understand more."

"Well... I agree then... maybe we should call your parents and have you sent home," Dr. Long nodded.

"Seriously?" Paige questioned.

"Seriously," Dr. Long nodded.

"You two were obviously close to your sister because she was only a year younger, maybe it's better to have one more day away from the school that she also attended," Mrs. Reynolds said from a professional standpoint.

"Well... thanks," Paige murmured.

"We will call the office and why don't you two go to your lockers and collect your stuff," Dr. Long said as Mrs. Reynolds picked up the phone.

"You are amazing," Hayley laughed as they walked down the hall eagerly.

"Don't you know it," Paige smirked. In truth, they were just really happy that they could spend time with their mom. Possibly just the two of them without Sophia, Jake, Kels, or Noah. They went down to the office next, waiting for their parents to pick them up, just Derek came but they knew their Mom was home.

"What did you two do?" Meredith asked immediately.

"Hey," Hayley defended. "Why do you assume we did anything... besides... it was Paige." Meredith turned her attention to the oldest of the twins, the girl born 3 minutes before.

"We needed you guys," Paige told her. "They were trying to analyze our feelings or whatever and I was sick of it. I really didn't want to get out of the first good mood I had since Lyss died."

"So you told them send you home?" Derek questioned.

"I said if they want us to talk, sending us home would be a better idea," Paige shrugged. "They agreed."

"No wonder you don't want to be a surgeon," Mer smirked. "I think we have a lawyer on our hands."

"So, what did they really actually do?" Derek asked.

"Well they were just like, I know a bunch of stuff has happened to you guys in the past month and we want to talk and... Paige just kinda snapped," Hayley explained.

"Paige Addison, were you disrespectful," Meredith scolded. Paige just smiled widely.

"Your back," she rejoiced and hugged her mom.

"What?" she questioned.

"Your back, your... your... punishing me again," Paige smiled.

"Oh..." Mer murmured and looked at the time. It was almost lunchtime.

"Well... you guys are home now, what do you want to do?" Derek asked.

"Derek... why don't you go to the cabin and fish... you haven't done it in a while and... I want some time with my daughter's," Meredith told him gently. She smiled at the girls.

"So you're going shopping?" Derek said dryly. The girls shared a look.

"Unless you want to come daddy," Hayley smirked.

"I'm gone," Derek said quickly and grabbed his coat.

"Have fun," Paige giggled as Meredith hobbled over to get her purse.

"Are you sure you're okay to walk around the mall?" Hayley cautioned. She wanted to spend time with her Mom as much as Paige but she didn't want her hurting herself.

"I'm fine," she shrugged. "Just you guys have to carry the bags."

"We're good with that," Paige said. The shopping trip wasn't much of a shopping trip. They spent most of the time laughing and fooling around. They even went to the photobooth and bought liked ten pictures of just the three of them. Hayley and Paige couldn't remember a time when they had this much fun with their mom. They never remembered a time when it was just them.

"Okay, what is up with the thing with the counselor," Meredith said seriously as they sat down for lunch. "You two don't just want to get out of school for nothing... I know every kid does but I know you two." Paige sighed.

"We just got tired of going down there at least once a week," Paige admitted.

"What? Once a week?" Meredith questioned.

"It started when we first came back after Lyss... they already had the grief counselor there for all the other students needing help... so after a minor freak out, we had to go every day," Hayley admitted.

"And then it stopped until somehow they figured out we were having trouble at home," Paige continued. "So we had a scheduled appointments twice a week."

"And once they stopped... you had your accident... and when we went back we went everyday again," Hayley told her. "And then there was today..."

"Oh guys... I am so sorry," Meredith murmured.

"Why Mom, it's not your fault," Paige said.

"If I wasn't so caught up in the fight or my grief to stay sober for longer then an hour... I could have come down to the school and explain," Meredith sighed.

"Mom... stop blaming yourself for everything," Hayley told her. "We get it... we understand..."

"But no matter how many times you say that I don't understand it myself," Meredith muttered.

"You know what," Paige said. "I think Lyss felt the same way."

"What?" Meredith questioned, a little shocked.

"Her rebellion Mom," Hayley said, realizing where her twin was going. "After she gave up and she realized so many things... she kept blaming herself and we couldn't get her to stop."

_"No, I am so selfish!" Lyss told them. "I almost destroyed our family just because I wanted attention. I was so focused on what I wanted I never realized what my siblings have become. How great they are...... how much they are like me......."_

"Oh yeah," Meredith whispered. "I... I remember."

"You told her time and time again not to blame herself," Paige reminded her.

"Mom, I think it's time you start listening to your own advice," Hayley said. Meredith shook her head.

"Why do you two have to be so smart," she said.

"You and daddy are our parents," Paige smiled.

"So... I'm not a terrible mother," Meredith murmured.

"You're far from it," Hailey reassured.

"Thank you girls," Meredith said as they finished up.

"Why are you thanking us, it's true," Paige told her.

"Now you're sounding like your father," Meredith laughed.

"Thank god you're okay then..." Hayley joked. "I don't want to grow up being a hopeless romantic." They went to the car and then back home. The family decided to have a family night once everyone was home. They rented a movie and sat watching it while eating popcorn and icecream. This was something they haven't done in a while. Even Hershey was laying on her bed in front of the TV.

"Mom," Hayley said.

"Yeah Hayl," Mer asked.

"Thank you," she said.

"What?" Mer questioned.

"We had so much fun today," Paige told her. "Most fun we had since... since the wedding."

"I'm glad," Meredith smiled and kissed her daughter's.

"Yeah, we're jealous," Sophia teased.

"Then what do you call this," Derek asked. "Are we just doing this so cause we have to."

"No," Kels laughed. "But we have you boys here too."

"I'm hurt," Derek said.

"Girls are yucky," Noah piped up.

"Really," Meredith said pulling him onto her lap gently. "Then it's yucky when I do this." She began blowing raspberries on his stomach. Hershey barked as he began giggling.

"Yeah," he squealed and squirmed. "Daddy help!"

"Okay," he smiled.

"No way!" Kelsey said jumping on him.

"Jake help," Derek laughed as he picked Kels up easily. But then Hershey ran into his legs making him fall back onto the couch.

"He's a little preoccupied at the moment daddy," Paige giggled.

"Why do we have to have so many girls," Jake complained as Paige and Hayley began kissing him.

"Yeah, it's six against three..." Derek smirked but trailed off. Everyone got silent.

"Is she... are we.... are we still a family of nine," Sophia whispered.

"Why wouldn't we be," Noah said innocently. "I thought Lyssa was in here." He pointed to his heart. "And we always remember her."

"She is bud," Derek smiled slightly.

"Then she's on all of our teams!" he giggled.

"Then let's see if she'll help you guys," Meredith said and grabbed Jake and they all began laughing again. Noah was right, they were still a family of nine.

* * *

Meredith clutched the paper in her hand. This was a week later. Derek was by her side. They were standing outside the double doors that lead into a room with folding chairs. There were people in there. All around their age, all mingling, all acting like this wasn't what it was. What it was was a support group. A support group for parents who have lost a child.

"Come on Meri... we have to... we have to know that there are other people like us... feeling like us," Derek nudged. He looked at her. The only thing that conveyed her accident was the cast on her left foot for the sling was no longer needed.

"I see them... I know what it's for... we can go," she turned to leave but Derek grabbed her arm.

"We'll try it... if we don't like it we won't go anymore," Derek reassured.

"Okay," Meredith breathed as Derek lead her through the doors, hand in hand. "Derek..." she said squeezing his hand.

"Your okay Mer," he reassured as they stood there awkwardly together. All of a sudden, another couple was walking towards them and Meredith eyes widened.

"Caroline! Ben!" she exclaimed.

"Meredith," Caroline gasped as the two women hugged. "You... you go to this group..."

"Well... we're just starting to," Derek said, coming over to shake Ben's hand and hug Caroline.

"How have you two been?" Ben asked. "How have you..." He trailed off as Meredith and Derek looked at each other and then at the cast on Mer's foot. "What?"

"It's been hard," Meredith admitted. "Der and I... it's been a long road to finally get us here in the past month since Lyss... We were actually on the brink of... of um... of divorce."

"Oh well... you two are better now," Caroline said.

"We're getting there," Derek reassured, kissing Mer's head. Caroline turned around.

"Looks like we're getting ready to start," she commented. "Come on."

"Okay," Meredith breathed as Derek and her walked over to the circle of folding chairs. They sat down next to each other.

"Since it seems we have new members, I think we should introduce ourselves," a woman, probably the leader said. "I'm Anna, my son Holden died when he was seventeen over fifteen years ago from a drunk driver... and that is the reason we are all here. We have all lost a child."

"Hi," the next woman said, she was alone. "I'm Jaci, I lost my son Andrew when he drowned at the local pool two years ago, he was seven."

"I'm Becky," the next woman said, a man was next to her. "My husband Tom and I lost our daughter we named Faith when she was stillborn."

"I'm Gina," the next woman said. "I lost my daughter Rose when she ran out in the street chasing a ball and got hit by a passing car. She was eight." Caroline and Ben were next.

"I'm Caroline and this is Ben," Caroline said. "We lost our son Chase after he went into cardiac arrest during treatment for cancer. He was fourteen." Meredith closed her eyes. They were next.

"I-I'm Meredith," she breathed. "And... And this is my husband Derek.... we... we lost our daughter Alyssa after she... she lost her battle with AML, or leukemia a month ago. She was fourteen." A few more people introduced themselves.

"So... how was everyone's week?" Anna asked. "Or in Meredith and Derek's case, how have you been holding up."

"It's been hard," Derek said. "I just feel like we should see her in the house."

"Was Alyssa your only?" Anna asked.

"Lyss," Meredith, Derek, _and_ Caroline said.

"Sorry, Lyss... was she?" Anna asked.

"No... we have six other children who have been incredibly brave throughout everything," Meredith breathed. "Lyss was in the middle so she was close to everyone in some way or another."

"May I ask something?" Jaci spoke up. They nodded. "How... Caroline... how did you know that they called Alyssa Lyss?"

"Oh," Derek said. "When Lyss was in the hospital for treatment... she met Caroline and Ben's son Chase at a support group and.... they pretty much became boyfriend and girlfriend until Lyss was there when Chase... and... Lyss never recovered from it... and then she died too..."

"Oh well..." Gina began but Meredith stood up. It was now Derek realized she had tears in her eyes.

"I can't do this," she whispered harshly. "Not yet... I just... I can't..." She turned and walked out, not listening to anyone protesting.

"I... I better go with her," Derek nodded to everyone else and got up to follow her. He found her in the car, she was curled up in the seat. "Meri," he breathed.

"Derek... we haven't even opened her room yet.... I can't... I just can't talk about her... about her death, about her with Chase.... not yet," Mer sobbed.

"Shhh... it's okay," Derek murmured. "You don't have to... not yet you don't have to."

"Okay," she whispered as he wrapped his arms around her comfortingly. She was so glad that he was there to comfort her again.

* * *

"Meredith... you haven't said a word," Dr. Wyatt said. "You've been coming here for two weeks and nothing... only Derek has spoken, not you."

"My daughter's dead," she whispered. "And... I am going back to my philosophy."

"Meredith, I refuse to let you sit here," Dr. Wyatt told her. "You need to talk."

"About what?" Meredith snapped. "How much I miss her? How much it hurts? How much I want her here right now?"

"Yes," Dr. Wyatt nodded. "That's exactly what you should talk about."

"Well I can't," Meredith hissed. "I can't do that because it hurts too much. It fucking hurts. It hurts so much that there are no words for the kind of pain that I am in right now!"

"Now we're getting somewhere," Dr. Wyatt nodded.

"Are you fucking kidding me," Meredith screamed.

"Calm down," Dr. Wyatt said. "Now... go with that anger... tell me how you feel channeling all that anger."

"I... I'm _angry_," Meredith hissed.

"At who?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"At Lyss... for dying... but who blames her own daughter for her own death?" Meredith spat bitterly. "I'm mad at myself and Der for letting her give up... but she was going to die anyway, we just honored her wishes! I'm mad at her doctors for not trying hard enough... but they did! They tried so hard and they still failed! And I'm mad at God! At fucking God! For taking my baby girl away!"

"Well then what does that mean?" Dr. Wyatt questioned.

"How am I supposed to know... your the shrink... you tell me," Meredith said in a monotone voice.

"How are you going to move on from Lyss's death?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"I don't want to forget her," Meredith said.

"I didn't say forget her... but... what will you do to accept Lyss's death?" Dr. Wyatt told her gently.

"I don't know... I don't know what to do... that's why I am coming to you," Meredith whispered, all of a sudden becoming sad. "I... I just can't."

"How you gone through her things?" Dr. Wyatt questioned.

"Her bedroom door is closed... been closed since the day she died," Meredith murmured.

"Well... then I do have an answer for you," Dr. Wyatt said. "You have to find her." Meredith gasped.

_"You have to find me..." Meredith looked up in her daughter's eyes, her eyes, and knew this was the last time, for a long time, she would make sure of it. She took in her whole appearance, never wanting to forget it._

_"Fight," Lyss whispered. "Fight to live... fight to find me."_

"Oh..." Meredith breathed. "What do I... how?"

"Only you know... maybe you should... go in her room?" Dr. Wyatt suggested lightly. Meredith shook her head. "When you're ready then, when you're ready, start there... and think back... try and when you're ready, you will find her."

"Thanks," Meredith whispered quietly.

* * *

_One week later...._

Find her.

Meredith wasn't sure what it meant let alone how to do it.

She wasn't sure if she was ready.

But she did know she hurt and she was tired of hurting.

Find her.

Derek was at work. The kids were at school. She was alone.

Meredith walked downstairs and Hershey barrelled into her. Hershey had been reaching out to her once she returned home. She was the closest thing to her favorite person.

"Hey Hersh," Meredith smiled. "Do you know how I can...."

Find her.

Hershey barked and ran to the couch. Meredith followed her and in between the cushions sat a scarf. It was the newest one. Lexie's, yellow and orange.

She found the purple and blue one the day after Lyss died.

She found the plain pink one the night before Noah's birthday party.

She found the red one the first day she came home from the hospital.

She found the green and blue one underneath the kitchen table ten days ago.

There were two missing. The one that had Lyss's name stiched into it and Derek's, the ferry boat's.

Find her.

"Hershey," she began but saw that the dog had disappeared. "Hershey... come here girl!" Then she heard a bark. It was coming from upstairs. "Hershey!" She ran upstairs to find the dog standing in front of the door of Lyss's room.

Find her.

"What is it?" she asked gently. Hershey barked again.

Find her.

Hershey began spinning in circles.

Find her.

She began panting at Meredith's feet.

"Find her," Meredith began saying it out loud. "Find her... Find her... Find her..." With a deep breath and seconds hesitation, she opened the door.

"Find her," she whispered as she stood and looked in. It was the same. The posters of broadway shows, the walls splashed with colors, the barre, the hardwood floor, carpet, her bed. The bed where Lyss died.

"Find her," she murmured as she took a step forward. She felt Hershey take the step with her.

"Find her," she breathed as she ran her fingers along the barre where Lyss once danced, stepped on the floor where Lyss once tapped.

"Find her," she said loudly as she touched the tie dyed dance comforter sitting on Lyss's bed.

"Find her," she said once more before she fell down onto the bed, putting her face in the pillow. Her hand touched something. Two things. She picked them up and there they were.

The two missing scarves.

Gently Meredith ran her fingers over the letters _Lyss._

She didn't say a word as she burried her face into Lyss's pillow again and breathed it. She let out a sigh.

"Lyss," she whispered. "Oh Lyssy." It smelled like her. It felt like her. Meredith could feel her in this room, she knew it. She just had to find her.

* * *

Derek walked into his house slowly, sadly. He just lost a patient. The first one since Lyss. He wanted his wife.

"Mer," he said softly, but his eyes widened. She was no where to be seen. "Meredith?"

For the past month this was very odd, Meredith stayed in the kitchen or living room most of the times because stairs were too hard for her leg.

"Meredith!?" he yelled. "Meredith where are you?!" He heard Hershey bark.

"Mer?!" he called again. The silence made his heart skip a beat. Immediately he began running towards where Hershey was, upstairs.

There he froze.

Lyss. Her bedroom door was opened. For the first time in almost two months.

"Mer?!" he called yet again.

"I'm in here Der," he heard her soft reply as he approached the door slowly. When he walked in he was surprised.

Meredith was sitting on Lyss's bed, Indian style. Surrounding her, was everything. Field hockey sticks, scarves, dance shoes, cleats, clothes, dance costumes. All Lyss's.

"Oh Mer," Derek murmured, seeing the sight.

"I have to..." Meredith whispered as she broke off as she lifted the Lyss scarf to her nose.

"You have to what?" Derek asked gently.

"Find her," Mer murmured.

"What?" Derek asked. "What does that mean?"

"Find her," Meredith said, motioning to the things surrounding her.

"Are you sure..." Derek cautioned.

"When I was dead... or asleep... or whatever.... I saw her Der," Meredith whispered. "I saw our baby girl.... and she was so happy.... and I was so sad and.... and she told me that I had to find her. I have to find her Derek. And Dr. Wyatt said the same thing."

"How?" Derek croaked.

"I... I don't know," Meredith shook her head. "But... she's here Der. She's everywhere in this room and then she's nowhere. I'm trying Der, but it's so hard." She lifted her eyes to his and he smiled.

"We're trying," Derek nodded, and moved to sit next to her on the bed. He looked down and gasped at the scarf that was in her lap. The ferry boat one. As he picked it up he remembered his last day with his baby girl, going to see the ferries.

"I smell her Der, she's everywhere... she's.... she's here I know it," Meredith sighed.

"Lavender," Derek murmured as he smelled the scarf and indeed smelt Lyss.

"She's here somewhere," Meredith repeated. "I have to..." She broke off as Derek kissed her gently on the lips.

"Well... where?" Derek asked.

"I... I'm trying... but I can't think, I want to know but... I can't," Meredith whispered. All of a sudden, Hershey barked.

"Maybe you do know," Derek said, as if he understood Hershey. "Maybe you know and you're overthinking it. Clear your mind and just.... just remember." Meredith closed her eyes briefly and then snapped them back open when she heard Hershey bark again. She gasped as she saw her jump and place her paws on Lyss's nightstand.

"Bad girl," Derek commanded. "Get down."

"No... Derek..." Meredith said.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Lyss," she whispered as she reached her hand out for the drawer in the nightstand.

_Meredith walks slowly into her daughters room, to her surprise she is leaning against her backboard stuffing something into her night stand drawer._

"Oh.... oh god," Meredith sighed as she wrapped her hand around the knob.

_"Hey Lyss," Meredith says softly. Her head slowly turns towards Meredith._

"What?" Derek asked again.

_"Hey," she says quietly a hint of anger in her voice, she knows exactly what is coming._

_"We have to go to the hospital soon," Meredith tells her gently._

_"I know," Lyss says curtly. She closes her eyes and lays across her bed slowly. Meredith comes up and pushes the few strands of hair that grew down on her forehead out of her face._

_"It will make you feel stronger Lyss, it will help fight the infection and....." Meredith began._

"Lyss," Meredith whispered. Gently she pulled the drawer open and gasped. "Oh my god!"

"What?!" Derek exclaimed, rushing beside her to look down in the drawer as well.

"Oh god... Oh my baby.... I should have known," Meredith began to cry softly. "Oh Lyss I'm sorry... oh I should have known baby." Derek grapsed Meredith's hand tightly as tears pricked at his eyes at the content of the drawer. He was speechless. He was in awe at what was on top of old Cd's and junk of their daughter's.

It was just paper if you looked at it quickly. Seven pieces to be exact. Each folded precisely. But if you look closer, in shaky handwriting, there was a heading on top of each page.

_To Sophia_

_To Hayley_

_To Paige_

_To Jake_

_To Kelsey_

_To Noah_

_To Mommy and Daddy_

_

* * *

_**So this is what Lyss meant by 'find me'.... if you think back to Stuck in the Middle or look back, you will see that I actually had the scene where Lyss was sticking the papers in the drawer in there... that's how long ago I was planning this...**

**A/N: If Only I Knew or Dreaming next, most likely If Only I Knew....**


	14. Chapter 14: Finding Her

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer...... do you think I own it????? :) **

**Okay... so that was pretty evil how I left that left chapter lol! Bet you weren't expecting that. You were probably thinking something else for Mer to find her, a song, a place, a dance... nope :) Once I knew Lyss was going to die, I started that plan and bit by bit began building it up. So this chapter is the letters, you will see Lyss's last goodbye to everyone in her intermediate family. I hope you enjoy. *Tissue warning***

* * *

_"Oh god... Oh my baby.... I should have known," Meredith began to cry softly. "Oh Lyss I'm sorry... oh I should have known baby." Derek grapsed Meredith's hand tightly as tears pricked at his eyes at the content of the drawer. He was speechless. He was in awe at what was on top of old Cd's and junk of their daughter's._

_It was just paper if you looked at it quickly. Seven pieces to be exact. Each folded precisely. But if you look closer, in shaky handwriting, there was a heading on top of each page._

_To Sophia_

_To Hayley_

_To Paige_

_To Jake_

_To Kelsey_

_To Noah_

_To Mommy and Daddy_

"Derek," Meredith whimpered. "Oh Lyss..."

"Are they.... is it," Derek stuttered and reached for the papers hesitantly. He touched the top one and flinched before withdrawing his hand.

"Yeah, I think," Meredith whispered, tears still running down her cheeks.

"Our baby," Derek said.

"Our Lyss... she..." Meredith nodded.

"After all this time," Derek said.

"We should have known Der," Meredith whispered. "It's Lyss... of course...."

"Should we.... should we pick them up?" he questioned.

"I.... I guess...." Meredith sighed.

"But we found her," Derek said. "Maybe it's too soon..."

"No," Meredith shook her head. "A week after her death was too soon... a month was too soon... but... now.... now that we are back together... now that I am okay.... now that our family is finally piecing back together our lives.... I think it's the perfect time."

"Yeah... I...." Derek said as he watched Meredith's shaky hands grasp the seven pieces of paper and bring them to her chest.

"Should we... should we read ours?" Meredith questioned.

"I... I think we need to read them as a family," Derek murmured. "The kids need to know..."

"But they are in school," Meredith sighed.

"One more day off counldn't hurt them anymore," Derek said, rubbing Meredith's arms gently.

"Oh Derek," Meredith cried. "We found her.... we found our Lyssy.... it's like she's in the room with us."

"Yeah," Derek sighed, picking his head up to look around the room. When he first came in here, he was too focused on his wife, but now, he started taking everything in. It felt so right and so wrong at the same time to be back in the room. The room where Lyss lived, the room where Lyss died. Everything around him was familiar. The day they realized dance was not just a fad for Lyss, but a passion, and he installed the barre. The place where he crawled into her bed at night, when she had a nightmare, letting her clutch Pooh as he sang or played Return To Pooh Corner, their song. The day he came home to find four of his five girls and wife covered in paint. The night he ran in after Meredith's cry and found his rebellious and pregnant daughter crumpled on the floor.

"We... we need to call the school... n-now.... we.... we have to," Meredith whispered.

"Okay... I'll go, you stay here," Derek said, and Meredith nodded as she felt back onto the pillow, and breathed in the smell. First he called Mark, knowing he was off.

"Hello..." Mark said sleepily in the phone.

"You do know it's like... 10 in the morning..." Derek said.

"So..." he answered gruffly. "What is it Derek? Nate's home sick and...."

"I need a favor... a huge favor...." Derek said.

"What is it?" Mark asked.

"Can you go pick my kids up from school?" Derek asked.

"Why can't you?" he snapped.

"Because I need to be there for Mer," Derek told him.

"I have a feeling there is something you're not telling me Shep.... what is it?" Mark questioned.

"I... I can't tell you... it's a family thing," Derek mumbled, not ready to tell anyone but his kids.

"I'm family," Mark informed him.

"And we will tell you later but right now... it's between the 8 of us... involving the 9th...." Derek said, discreetly.

"What about Lyss?" he asked.

"I will tell you later but please... Mark just... please," Derek begged. "For me. For Mer. For the kids. For Lyss Mark."

"You got me with Lyss," Mark sighed after a moments hesitation. "You owe me."

"Thanks Mark," Derek said and hung up. He called each of the kids school's before returning to his wife. When he found her, she was up and moving around Lyss's room. The only thing left on the bed was the papers. "What are you doing?"

"I want to leave it how she left it," Mer murmured. "I want to perserve as much of her and as much memory as I can."

"This will hopefully help," Derek smiled slightly. Mer attempted to return the gesture but it was lost when she touch the papers and sat on the edge of the bed again. One new difference was in between Lyss's two pillows, sat Pooh, like it used to when she was little. Pooh had retired to a shoe box underneath the bed but they knew Lyss wouldn't mind.

"Did you call the schools?" Mer asked quietly.

"And Mark... they'll be here any minute now," Derek said.

"Then let's get ready," Meredith sighed and picked up the papers. Derek helped her down the stairs and they sat on the couch, the papers on the table. Meredith stared rigidly at them. "Do you... do you think..." she whispered vaguely.

"I don't know," Derek shook his head, knowing where her mind was going. He kissed her head gently and twined his hands with hers. They sat in silence before they heard the door open and Sophia holding Noah, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Kelsey rushed in, half expecting something was wrong.

"Mom, Dad," Sophia asked fearfully, putting Noah down. "What is it?"

"Come sit down guys," Derek beckoned.

"Is it bad Daddy?" Kelsey asked.

"What's wrong?" Paige questioned.

"Are you two going to get a divorce even though..." Jake began but Meredith immediately shook her head.

"No... it's not _anything _like that," Meredith reassured, although her voice cracked. Her kids, knowing her well, knew that meant business.

"Then what..." Hayley began, pulling Noah on her lap who was strangely silent, as if he already knew what was happening.

"Guys," Derek said. "Your Mom went into Lyss's room today..."

"You did... that... that's groundbreaking right," Sophia said hopefully, glad to hear her mom was really trying to get better and move on. There was happiness in everyone's eyes.

"Yes... it is," Meredith murmured. "But... that's... that's not the news..." She looked up at Derek, wanting him to finish. He took a deep breath.

"She was trying to find her, like Dr. Wyatt said," Derek told them, not mentioning what Mer said about Lyss in fear of worrying them or something. "And... we did...."

"How?" Paige whispered.

"Yeah... how?" Jake added when they hesistated for a few moments. Meredith and Derek looked at each other briefly and both nodded at the same time.

"Hershey was barking," Derek said, now noticing that the dog was by his feet and reached down to pet her. "She was barking at a drawer in Lyss's room... so we opened it and found..." he trailed off.

"Found what?" Kelsey asked.

"We found these," Meredith said, motioning to the letters on the coffee table.

"What are they?" Noah piped up for the first time, looking at his parents in wonder. His five year old mind not completely wrapping around what his parents were saying.

"They are letters," Derek told them gently. "Seven to be exact."

"From who?" Jake asked.

"From Lyss," Meredith croaked and tears sprung to her eyes as she watched her kids gasp. "From the last few days of her life."

* * *

_To Sophia_

Sophia ran her fingers lightly over the words that sat in the middle of the folded half of paper. She couldn't believe it. Her little sister, at once her baby sister actually did something like this. She was in awe.

When the phone had first rang, Sophia hadn't paid any attention to it, she no longer had that anxiety of it being bad or about her. She thought that her family's life was finally falling back into somewhat normal peace and that everything would be okay. When her teacher called her name to go to the office, Sophia was shocked and expecting the worst. The entire ride home was spent calming her younger siblings down, saying it couldn't be bad, even when she didn't believe that herself. When they finally arrived home, Sophia was preparing herself for the worst, expecting it.

But nothing could have prepared her for something like this. She could barely wrap her mind over the fact that Lyss had actually done this. That she had actually been anticipating this. The they found it at probably the best time.

With a gulp she looked up at her family. Kelsey was crying, Jake looked in shock, Noah was on Meredith's lap now, her parents were to invested in keeping calm and Hayley and Paige just stared at each other, doing that freaky twin bond thing that they always had when one look held a conversation. No one had opened their yet. Out of no where Hayley and Paige looked towards her. No one said anything but in their eyes she could tell that they were feeling the same thing she was.

Excitement, shock, fear, nervousness, anticipation, not wanting to be the first one to read theirs.

Sophia took a deep breath, she knew that as the big sister, as the oldest, she needed to break the ice. Her entire body shaky she unfolded the letter and a tear immediately fell down onto the page. it was Lyss's handwriting.

_To My Dearest Big Sis Sophia,_

_Hey big sis. I guess if you are reading this I am dead, which really sucks I mean I know, it really does. But Soph, I really hope you know that I had to go. That right now, writing this letter, I feel like I am already dead. I am in so much pain but the pills numb it out. I feel hollow. I feel empty. I feel like my time has run out. I am going to miss you so much. And I know that you are going to miss me. But if you are sad, just think of me running around, happy, carefree, dancing in heaven or whatever. But OF COURSE you'd be sad, it's me you're talking about. You know, the pain in the neck, little sister, always getting into your stuff, telling on you to mom or dad, the sister you love. And I love you so much that you don't even know how much I love you. Wow, that sentence really sounded weird but this is in pen so, whatever hahaha :D But really Phia, I do love you. You were one constant in my life. When I felt myself slipping away from Mom and Dad, I always knew you were there, that you'd always be there for me no matter what. We were mountain climbers together, were part of the Shepherd Clan, we used to be the twins when we played house cause we thought that being twins was so cool and that it wasn't fair that Hayley and Paige got to play the twins because they already were twins. You were my rock, you were this families rock. When I was first diagnosed, I was really selfish in a way. Yeah I was asleep more then half the time but, when I was awake, I felt that everyone's life should stop and all care for me, because I was sick, because I was dying. I used to get so mad if I was awake at 6 in the morning when you'd get up for school, and I'd stumble down the stairs and talk with you, but then you had to leave because you had to go to school and leave me. I wanted to go to school and I was so jealous. Then... I don't know when.... I think at Thanksgiving, when you were interacting with our whole family, taking care of a sad Kelsey, and constantly looking over and checking on me was when I realized that I ruined your life. Or... at least the life you had before they told me I had AML. You used to hang with your friends everyday, go shopping, have a life. But then... I never saw you go out and... that hurt so much. You were too busy taking care of our family while Mom and Dad took care of me and I hate that. So now... I guess you can again. And... I hear Mom so I have to make this quick but... I have always looked up to you, always and forever, and I will never stop. Even when I am looking down on you from heaven. You were always so strong and I know that you will be okay, which is why I think I can just let go. But just know how much I loved you. Your the best big sister anyone could have asked for and.... although I was saying that I hated how you had to take care of everything... I need to ask you to do one more thing... please help Mommy and Daddy understand why I had to leave, even if you dont understand yourself just try for me because they wont be able to survive withour your help. Also, help Noah understand that I loved him and am so sorry I had to leave him. And... I am so sorry I ripped our family to pieces... Crap, Mom's coming, I got to go.... I'll miss you, I love you Phia, never forget that. Goodbye...._

_Love,  
__Alyssa Danielle Shepherd "Lyss"_

Her whole body began spasming in grief as tears poured out of her eyes and she let out quick sobs. Meredith, alarmed, ran towards her and hugged her tightly as she cried. Sophia couldn't believe it. She couldn't fathom it. Lyss, Lyss wrote that. Lyss did say goodbye. All of a sudden, the tears turned to tears of joy and happiness.

"I love you too Lyss," she whispered, a smile spreading across her face.

* * *

_To Paige_

Paige's heart dropped to her stomach as Sophia's sobs started. Was it that bad? What did Lyss say? Was it really all it was cracked up to be? Were they expecting too much? Paige had so many questions and things running through her head, but there was one thing that was a constant.

She was scared.

She wasn't even sure of what. When they first got the call that they were being sent home, Paige was scared. Everything had been fine. At least she thought so. She thought that her parents were happy. She thought everything was going to be back to normal. And then this.

Paige had no clue if discovering these last letters from Lyss were a good thing or a bad thing. They could bring their family closer, or they could tear them apart forever. Who knew what they said. As Paige ran her fingers over the words To Paige that sat in the middle of the folded Paige she looked up at Hayley. Sophia's cries had died down... they almost sounded happy. Paige felt one of those connections she had with Hayley. When it was like they were thinking the same thing at the same time. Moving as one they both nodded and Paige opened the letter slowly.

_To My Awesome Big Sis Paige,_

_Hey Paige. So... you are reading this, it must mean I am dead, looking down at you from heaven. Maybe I am even watching you do it. Who knows? All I know is... that you probably miss me, but really, you've been missing me since the last day I came home from the hospital, I could see it in your eyes. I love you. That didn't have anything to do with what I was saying just... i have a lot to say so if I don't want to forget to tell you it because I really do. You were my big sister... are. You were always there for me (not counting the cookie jar but... I didn't rat on Soph or Hayls for that so... nevermind haha!) and I knew I could always count on you. You were always the closest sister to me. We were always the closest besides you and Hayley... but that doesn't count because you're twins. I always knew that you'd be there for me. And... I never said thank you... for when you helped me after I found out I was pregnant. I was being a bitch and... I never realized how much you cared. You were there through it all. From a few seconds after I found out to the morning sickness and the fights with mommy and daddy. And... because you were always close to me.... I hope that you will understand the most why I had to leave. Why I had to die. I have your eyes, or... we have mommy's eyes, so you know well what they look like when they are in pain, and I am in so much pain. I don't even know if I am making it to Aunt Addie's wedding. I hate that you have to watch me die and I wish I could die right now but... when the time comes... it will happen... I am ready. I hope you understand that too. It was kind of like after the car crash, when I saw you, so broken and so hurt, and I realized how you felt looking at me everyday. And now you won't have to anymore. I wish cancer never happened but it did, and it sucks, but just know that if there were hope, I would have fought, because the family is worth it. I had fourteen good years as your sister, and I really hope you can learn to appreciate that. I hope you will learn to accept that life goes on after death. That just because I died does not mean that you have to stop living yours. You are an amazing basketball player, I know that, and I know that you must be good at everything else you do because your just an amazing person Paigey and... I want to ask you something... I am giving you the job of taking care of Kels. She looks up to you the most, she'll listen to you trying to help her. Help her understand all of the things that I do not expect you understand but... just try okay... for me..... I have to go now... I wish I didn't but I hear Phia coming up the driveway and she looks in on me so.... I'm sorry I had to die. I'm sorry I have to leave you. I'm sorry I ruined our family. I'll miss you so much.... I love you so much.... I guess. I guess this is.... Goodbye...._

_Love,  
Alyssa Danielle Shepherd "Lyss"_

Paige's head snapped up at the same time as Hayley's, another freaky twin thing. It was like they read the same words at the same time this time. There were no tears for them though. There was only utter shock and awe. Lyss. Their Lyss wrote all that she did. She said goodbye. She really was ready to go. Maybe they could survive this.

* * *

_To Hayley_

Hayley was really confused. She wasn't really sure what to do. As she ran her hands over her name scribbled by Lyss, she wasn't sure whether she wanted to take the chance of opening it. She thought it would be a no brainer, open it and read what Lyss said and have a better understanding. But, she was afraid of what she wrote.

When they were first called down to the office, Hayley and Paige did the freaky twin thing where they found eachother in the hallway and hugged, feeling a connection and how they were both expecting the worst. They held onto Jake and Kels in the car because they were scared as well but still felt the connection. But when they saw their parents together there was relief, but only a few seconds later it turned into shock.

She felt the twin thing again. Sometimes it got so annoying, sometimes she wanted to be her own person. As she looked up and Paige nodded and opened up the letter, Hayley felt herself doing the same thing.

_To My Amazing Big Sis Hayley,_

_Hey Hayls, since you're reading this... I guess I am dead. I guess I am watching over the family from heaven. I guess the family is on a verge of a breakdown or already did. I guess that you miss me. I'm sorry that I had to go Hayl. I'm sorry that I had to get cancer. I'm sorry I gave up. I'm sorry I left our family in pieces to let you, Sophia, and Paige to clean up. I know that our stupid school will probably make you go through grief counseling because trust me, I went through it. Not necessarily grief but... just the counselor trying to analyze why I was rebelling. And... trust me, it's a quack, because the whole family knows why now and... she said it was how I was dealing with growing up and she gave me a freaking tampon and some brochure that said some crap about adjusting to the 7th grade. I mean... how far off it that haha! Anyway... Hayl... I want you to know how much I love you. You're my big sister and without you or any of our family I would have given up a long time ago. I tried to stay as long as I could. I fought till there was no hope left. And I would have tried harder if I knew I wouldn't have just prolonged my pain. But I was in pain Hayl, and I know that you love me enough that you wouldn't have wanted me to stay in pain. Just imagining me up in heaven laughing away with my Chase. I really would have stayed if I could Hayls... but it's better this way. I never realized how alike we were until the car crash. When I woke up and saw you there, unhurt, but... the hurt was in your eyes. And it was because of me. And you acted just like me when I am sad and don't like what happens in my life. You acted stupid. Except I was a little better at sneaking out. You let Uncle Mark follow you. He is such a pushover that you could have gotten away with him not seeing easily! But... anyway... when you told me what you did, I felt this connection with you. If I could have lived I would have taught you how... but... you'll just have to figure it out for yourself now, but I suggest not picking up another bottle of tequila... those hangover headaches are a bitch... Before I go I just want to let you know how much I love you, and trust you... and that I am giving Jake to you. You are in charge of him. You are his big sister and.... although Sophia was closer to him, you were next... and Sophia's going to take the resposibility of everyone. He's going to need your help. He's growing up and he's the oldest boy and right now I am not sure if daddy is going to be able to help him, so I really hope that you can. Jake is a big responsibility but I trust you to help him understand why I had to go if he can't. And I hope you can to. I love you Hayls, I will miss you and I hope you never forget me... Goodbye..._

_Love,  
Alyssa Danielle Shepherd "Lyss"_

This time the freaky twin thing did not bug Hayley. She needed it. She felt the tears in the back of her head but she was too happy and too proud of her sister to cry now. She never knew that her little sis was capable of doing that. Then she thought of what she said and looked up towards Paige before taking a sideglance and Jake. He almost looked happy, but she knew he wouldn't be that for long. Soon he'd be feeling the battle she was feeling inside. Wishing Lyss would be alive, but actually realizing that it was for the best. It was the first time she was really realizing it and knowing it was true.

* * *

_To Jake_

Jacob Shepherd was happy for the first time in his life since his older sister has died. He could tell that he was the only one feeling that way. Sophia had cried, Hayley and Paige were looking like ghost's, Kels was terrified, and Noah was confused.

When he was first called down to the office, Jake admits that he was scared, but once he realized what it was for, he was relieved. He was hoping that these would put everything into prespective for him finally. Finally put things in perspective for his whole family. That's why he eagerly opened up the letter.

_To My Little Bro Jakey,_

_Hey Jakey. So... I guess I am dead since you are reading this. I mean, I wouldn't be giving you this if I was alive because these... I hope will help you understand why I had to go. But if you don't understand... go to Hayley.... she will help you, I know it. I'll miss you so much Jakey. You were my first younger sibling and although I don't remember the day you were born because I was so young, I know that you and me probably had some kind of connection. We were the babies of the family for two years, always getting in trouble. When I think of all the headaches we gave Mommy and Daddy over the years it makes me realizes how much I will really miss you. How hard this decision was to give up. It was hard Jakey, so hard. And I hope you know that. I was too busy with Kels and Noah the day Mommy and Daddy told you what I was doing and I never really realized that I never explained it to you. You are my little brother Jakey, always and forever, remember that. Remember how much I love you. I couldn't have asked for a smarter or more clever little brother. When we wanted to do something and Mommy and Daddy said no, we were a team. I'd convince you to come up with a plan even though you didn't want to, then you'd convince me to act on the plan when I was too scared to, and then the two of us would do the plan and blame each other when Mommy or Daddy was yelling at us. Thinking of how much fun we used to have and how much trouble we used to get to hurts. Hurts more then my body does right now. The cancer destroyed your life. It destroyed our family. And I hate it that I got you stuck in the middle. You were always in the middle of all the fights, all the plans, all the worries, and I am sorry, so sorry. And now you really are stuck in the middle. You are the middle child now. And I am so glad you are the oldest boy and get enough attention that you won't make the same mistakes I did. But really you couldn't get pregnant hahaha :D That would be very interesting! Anyway.... what I was saying about how much I miss our childhood growing up together... it also makes me realize that this was the right choice, that giving up was the right choice. And now I am putting it in perspective for you too. I could never be the girl again Jakey. It didn't feel like it. The way I feel now... it makes me realize that even if I got better I couldn't dance again, I couldn't play field hockey, I could probably barely act. And you know that that was my life. That other then our amazing, supportive, and annoying family, that I would be given up half my life. I could never be the girl I used to be and... that wouldn't be living. That would be like I was already dead, but on life support or something. I'd never be your big sister again, and I know it. Who I am now is not the Alyssa Shepherd you all want me to be. So... that's why I had to leave, that's why I had to die. Jakey I would stay if I could for you, and for the family, but I can't. No matter how much I love you and will miss you, it's not enough to feel like a ghost in the world. That's why I have to say goodbye... so.... Goodbye Jakey, I love you, I'll miss you, stay safe, see you in 70 or more years...._

_Love,  
Alyssa Danielle Shepeherd "Lyss"_

Jake wasn't expecting this. He was ready. He thought he was ready. He knew he was ready to have everything put into perspective. He knew he was ready to know all that Lyss was feeling and understand it... but why did he feel like his insides were getting ripped apart. Like he was ready to burst.

It was like knowing for real was too much. All of a sudden he heard sobbing. It took him more then a minute to realize that it was him. He remembered hearing before that sometimes people don't realize the sounds they are making, and he remembers thinking it was a crock. And now he knew. As Hayley's arms wrapped around him and he sobbed into her, he knew that it was possible.

* * *

_To Kelsey_

Kelsey couldn't stop crying. She wasn't even sure why she was crying. She just couldn't stop. Ever since she was called to the office she was crying. And even when she found out that it was "good" news she still couldn't stop crying. It was the when she really felt like the baby girl of the family. The one, besides Noah, they were always trying to protect.

She should be happy. Her sister, the sister she was always rivals with but loved anyway took the time to say goodbye to her, but she still couldn't stop crying. It took much coaxing from her Mom to finally grab the letter, and it took a whole lot of coaxing to get her to actually open it.

_To My Annoying but Loveable Little Sis Kelsey,_

_Hey Kels, I am guessing that if you are a reading this I am dead... wow that seems repetetive, I have said that in every letter so far... but... I guess it doesn't get old... because it is all most likely true... anyway... I will admit that this is probably the hardest letter I am going to write... and how I wish it wasn't. No matter what you say... I was not a good big sister. You were my one chance to be a great big sister and role model to a little sister and I was too busy picking fights with you every second. They were harsh at times and I know it. And I wish they weren't. But I can't take back time so... no matter how much we fought when we were younger, I always loved you so much Kels. In the beginning I loved the thought about having a younger sister and then... and then I realized that you took away all my attention from Mommy and Daddy. But really... you didn't... I just morphed it into that so all of a sudden you were the enemy. And I hate that now. And wish I could take it all back. That was the one good part about getting cancer, not that there are many perks, but, being sick, it brought me closer to you. It brought me the relationship with you I always wish I had. And I am so sorry that it had to come because of this. You were one of the reasons I fought so hard Kels, I wanted to have a real relationship with you even if it was shortlived. But... you are going to have your own guardian angel Kels, because I am your big sister and I will look after you. If you feel down, look to me, even if it doesn't seem I am there I will never leave you alone, I promise. Keep dancing. Join field hockey. I will be there. I love you Kels and I will miss you so much, and I keep saying it because I want you to know I mean it. Even after everything we said to each other, all the mean things and terrible things. Kelsey, please know that I would stay if I could, and that you are an amazing little sister and that I really want you to understand that I had to go, I had to. That I am in too much pain to be the big sister that I want to be to you. And I don't want it to be half hearted, because you need a stable person to look up to because... you are so much like me. With the dancing and hard drive that... look up to Paige.... she will help.... she will make sure you do not turn out like I did. Crap, Mommy's coming up the steps... she probably wants to check on me so.... I have to go.... I wish I could keep writing forever... and give you all the advice I should be giving you when you are older... but I can't... so look to Paige.... she will do everything I should be. And.... I want you to also help Noah. He needs someone who is closer to him to understand everything and.... I love you Kels... I'll miss you... Goodbye._

_Love,  
Alyssa Danielle Shepherd "Lyss"_

Out of no where the tears stopped. Kelsey wasn't sure why. Maybe she ran out, because she felt like she should still be crying... but there was nothing. Maybe it was Lyss, looking after her like she said. And just as Lyss said in the letter, Kelsey looked up and sure enough Paige was there, ready to help her.

* * *

_To Noah_

Noah Shepherd was really confused. Everyone was crying, everyone was hugging everyone. All the while he sat on Derek's lap, looking around with wonder in his bright blue eyes. His mom and dad weren't explaining anything. They just sat there as everyone read something. And they were saying things about Lyss, and all Noah could think was she was coming home from her trip. Maybe she was coming home early?

All of a sudden, everyone but his parents were gone and went to the kitchen, his mother clutched a piece of paper. She looked sad. He hadn't seen her this sad since the day of her accident.

"Hey Noah buddy... we need to tell you something," Meredith said, sitting down next to Derek on the couch, smiling at her youngest.

"What is it Mommy... is it about Lyssa?" Noah asked.

"It is buddy... how did you know?" Derek asked.

"Phia said something about loving her and... everyone was crying... everyone always cries when there is something about Lyssa," Noah said, and Meredith gave Derek a sad smile.

"It is about Lyss Noah," Meredith admitted.

"Is she coming home?" Noah asked hopefully, turning to his mother a grin on his face. Meredith shook her head.

"I'm sorry honey, but Lyss is never coming home..." Meredith sighed.

"But she said in a long time..." Noah protested.

"But that's a really long time... and she isn't coming to you, you will go to her," Derek said.

"Oh," he whispered. "Then what is it that you had to tell me?"

"Remember in the hospital... the day Lyss went on her trip?" Derek asked.

"Mhm hmmm," Noah nodded.

"And you remember that we said she couldn't say goodbye, but you could," Meredith said.

"Yeah... she was sleeping and wouldn't wake up," Noah said.

"Well.... she did say goodbye.... but we didn't know," Derek told him. He watched his son's eyes light up.

"She did," he gave them a toothy grin.

"She did... in the form of a letter," Derek said.

"Do you want us to read it to you?" Meredith asked.

"Yes please..." Noah begged. Meredith took a deep breath, kissed his head, and watched as Derek lifted him a little higher on his lap. Gently she opened the letter and began to read aloud.

_To My Noah,_

_Hi bud. I don't know if you are old enough to read this yet, or if Mommy and Daddy are reading this to you. But... I don't know much of anything these days. So.... Remember when I told you I am going on a trip... well.... if this is being read that means I am already on my trip to heaven. And my Noah, my buddy, I want you to know that although you are missing me.... that now that I am in heaven.... I am happy.... I am pain free. And I am so sorry that I had to go... and if I could have stopped it from happening I would have, but... I couldn't. It has nothing to do with you buddy... I'd stay if I could for you. I'd stay and watch you grow up, and become a man, become a strong wonderful man, but I can't. And because I can't... I am afraid you will forget me. Because you are so young, and because I am so young and... if you ever feel like you are losing me... just ask Mommy and Daddy to help you. Read this again, watch old movies, look at old pictures but... please Noah... try and remember me because... that is what I am scared of the most. That makes me regreat leaving on the trip. I love you so much and I will miss you.... and.... be good for Mommy and Daddy. You can make them smile as easily as you made me. That if they are anything like me... and trust me... just hearing you call me Lyssa or just being there could melt my heart.... you make the whole family smiles but I need you to work your little magic on Mommy and Daddy.... for me please buddy.... okay... so.... I have to go.... Again I will say I love you and I will miss you.... be good... stay safe... make me proud.... grow up to be an amazing, strong, man that I wish I could watch you become in person.... I will always be in your heart and I will always look out for you bud.... Goodbye._

_Love,  
Alyssa Danielle Shepherd "Lyssa"_

"Lyssa wrote that?" Noah said, a little in awe.

"Yeah buddy... she did," Meredith whispered, tears in her eyes.

"When she was really sick, before she went into the hopstickle," Noah asked.

"Yeah... that's when," Derek nodded, stroking his messy blond hair.

"Daddy, Mommy... where's heaven?" he asked.

"Up in the sky... with God," Meredith said, the tears running down her face. They fell faster as he lifted his head up to the ceiling.

"I love you too Lyssa... I miss you too.... and I won't forget you... I promise," he vowed. Derek kissed his head gently. He turned to him. "I won't will I?" he demanded.

"You won't bud... I'll make sure of it," Derek nodded, saying it as much to himself as to his son. Maybe even making his own promise to his daughter.

* * *

_To Mommy and Daddy_

"Night buddy," Meredith whispered in her sons ear after she had laid him in his bed.

"Night Mommy," Noah mumbled. "Night Daddy...... Night Lyssa." Meredith sighed and kissed her gently on the forehead before leaving his room. Ever since they read the letter to him and Lyss said that she would never leave him alone, he has been adresssing her in everything he does. Meredith and Derek were afraid of what that could entail and they hoped they'd be able to find a way to explain it.

"Kels is asleep," Derek nodded. "So is Jake."

"It's been a tough day," Meredith murmured, seeing that it was only 8:30 and three out of their six kids were asleep.

"It's been a good day," Derek nodded and wrapped his arms around her gently and kissed her forehead. "A hectic... sad... amazing day."

"Yeah," Meredith smiled and cracked open the twins' room and was surprised to find them asleep, the two of them in one bed, and was mpore surprised to find Sophia is the other. Meredith turned around. "An exhausting day."

"Let's go downstairs," Derek smiled and helped her down the stairs. He has been so cautious lately when she was doing anything, and usually she was really annoyed, but today... today, after recent revalations and discoveries, it was exactly what Mer needed. He led her to the couch where she collapsed gratefully. She lifted her head, looking for the couch, but instead, there they were, on the coffee table, the letter. The letter from Lyss. The kids had taken theirs to the room, but theirs.... it was still sitting on the coffee table, still folded, still unread.

Derek came and sat beside her, putting one arm around her shoulder. He looked at her and smiled. He knew how nervous she was, he was too. She would have loved to do it when the kids were up, but when they were she was too busy comforting them, helping them. In fact, the kitchen was a mess. But Meredith didn't really care right now.

"Mer," Derek said after several minutes of silence. "What.... What are we going to do...."

"Ma-Maybe it's too early," Meredith whispered when Derek grabbed them.

"Meredith..." Derek sighed. "You- you said... and... now..."

"I know I said," Meredith snapped. Derek flinched. "Sorry."

"It's okay Meri," Derek said.

"I'm... I'm scared..." Meredith whispered.

"Why?" Derek asked.

"We're in a good place Derek... for the first time in a long time and.... I.... I don't want to ruin that," Meredith cried.

"Meri.... nothing this letter says will change anything. This is a wonderful thing. This is from our Lyssy. Nothing will change promise. Mer, I want you to know that," Derek vowed.

"I don't know," Mer shook her head and leaned into his chest.

"What will get you to realize that nothing will change... no matter what she said.... I promise you...." Derek said.

"I... I..." Mer whimpered.

"Do you have a piece of paper Mer?" Derek asked.

"What?" she asked.

"A piece of paper Mer," Derek smiled.

"Why?" she asked, but he looked at her. She reached into a drawer drawer and pulled out a tab of blue post it notes. "There... There's post it notes." Derek smiled widely, took them, and took out a pen.

"What do you promise?" Derek asked.

"What?" he asked.

"What do you promise me... in our relationship...." Derek said. "From now on." Meredith smiled widely.

"To love each other... even when we hate each other," she nodded. "Even when we fight... even when it seems like nothing can go right... we will tell each other that we love each other everyday."

"To love each other, even when we hate each other or fight," Derek narrated.

"Perfect," Meredith said.

"No running.... ever.... not anymore," Derek said. "No matter what else happens...."

"No running," Meredith nodded.

"What else?" Derek asked.

"That we won't let anyone forget Lyss. Not Noah... Not Kels... Not you or me..." Meredith said strongly. "That we will sit down with everyone... if we ever forget what she sounded like when she laughed, or where her part was in her hair or..."

"Never... ever forget our baby girl Lyss," Derek said. "This is forever." He sighed it and handed it to Meredith who signed it as well. He placed the post it on the table and grabbed the letter again. "You ready?"

"Yeah," Meredith breathed and snuggled up to him, breathing a deep breath.

_To My Mommy and Daddy,_

_If only one of you are reading this, stop. You need to read this together. What I have to say is not just for one of you. It's for both of you. It will help both of you/ Of course, I don't know when you are going to be reading this. You could be divorce, but even so, that doesn't matter, you have to find each other before you finish reaing it. The only way pone of you can read this alone is if the other is dead. But then, of course the dead one will already know what i am going to say in this letter because I will have already told them in heaven or whatever. Anyway, like I said, I don't know when you are reading this. I just hope that it is the right time because you will have cleaned out all my drawers or room or whatever and will probably need to read this. And it's not like i am just going to tell you about these letters while I am alive because all of you would be nosy and ready them before you probably should and... oh my god.... I am rambling on paper, while I am dying. How pathetic is that haha! See how much I am like you Mommy. And see.... I am dying and can make a joke, so maybe after I am dead, you can eventually learn to make jokes too, and move on from my death in time.... And that brings me to what this letter is about. How I am ready. Yes Mommy and Daddy, I am ready to die. I do not know if I will have the opportunity to tell you this when I am still alive.... but I want you both to know, I am ready. I understand things, now... things that you woouldn't even begin to understand. And... just.... know that okay.... know that I am ready and you guys should be ready to accept it. I understand life now. I understand why I was put on this earth. And I would stay if I could for you guys... but I need to go.... I know you will miss me terribly... but.... you two were the best parents a girl could ask for. You helped me with everything. You were always there for me. You did everything for me and more. I couldn't ask for anyone better to be my rock, to be my role model's... and I know Daddy, you wanted me to become a neurosurgeon... but this is so much better... finally being released from all of this pain that I have to live with constantly.... I mean... I give myself morphine shots, I am dependent on pain pills just to function... I'm needy, I can't do anything for myself... and you both know better than anyone that that is not a life for me... that's a torture... that's a punishment. I'm living in my own personal hell. And that is what this decision was based on... not trying to hurt you... not just giving up, but freedom. And that's why you both can't grieve for long. Because I love you... I love you more than you will ever know, and you were always there for me and now you need to be there for everyone else. Because they need you, they need you to help them get over my death. But before that... you need to know and teach everyone else.... that my death is not the end... that through my death.... it can make the family stronger. That my death can make everyone stronger.... and can make you value your life... it can make you value our family.... and you can care for everyone a lot more than before... and.... not be scared of your own death.... although it better not happen for a while for any of you... but.... you shouldn't be scared. I am scared of somethings.... but... although you think I am talking about my death itself... you're wrong. What I am really scared of is leaving the ones I love. Soph, Hayls, Paige, Jakey, Kels, Noah, our family.... and.... most importantly you both. You were ALWAYS there for me, even when they weren't... and now... you really can't because of where I am going now. I love you both soooo much.... and I with miss you more than you can imagine.... and... I know you will probably fight at some point and almost get divorced, because I know you guys, but I want you to promise me to stop and stay together for me. For Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, and Noah. Promise me that you will tell the whole family how much I loved them. How much I looked up to them, couldn't get through anything without them, and will miss them terribly. Make sure no one will forget me. Make sure Noah especially doesn't lose me because.... I don't think I would be able to handle dying knowing that he would forget me.... and that hurts more then I hurt now.... so... promise me.... I love you guys.... and I am so glad you guys finally found me.... and.... I'll miss you so much and I will be waiting for you forever. One day... you will have me back.... we can spend the rest of enternity as a family.... but until then.... Goodbye...._

_Love your daughter,  
Alyssa Danielle Shepherd "Lyss" "Lyssa" "Alycat"_

"Oh... oh Derek," Meredith sobbed.

"Hold it," Derek said quickly. He grabbed her hand and grabbed the post it. Slowly they walked to the fridge. Meredith watched as he placed the post it next to Lyss's picture and obituary. "There.... perfect..."

"Derek!" Meredith sobbed as she collapsed in his arms.

"Shhh.... it's okay Meri..." Derek coaxed as he lifted her up and brought her back to the couch. "It's okay..."

"Oh Lyss.... I promise," Meredith sobbed. "I'll keep every promise you asked us to keep."

"Yeah... we promise baby girl," Derek said, his own tears falling down his face. He looked down at the letter. That's when he noticed the dried wet spots on the page. And that's when he started to sob as well. Clutching onto his wife. Falling to sleep once there were no tears left. Everything finally cleared up.

* * *

**I'd like to thank roserose1234 and 7LuckyStars (a long time ago) for helping me out with this idea and what the letters would say....**

**Now this was one of the big things that is going to happen to the Shepherd family that helps them move on from Lyss's death slowly. And it's not just the Shepherd's... Keep reading to see that happen!**

**A/N: Into Focus most likely next! Maybe, possibly, Dreaming if I get stuck, but count on Into Focus.... **

**PLEASE R&R!!!**


	15. Chapter 15: Another Step

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer... do you think I own it? :) **

**Okay so, I have been getting mixed reviews, some saying I should end it soon, and some saying I should continue. Tell me what you think I should do in your review for this chapter… This is a filler chapter but it heads a possible final major thing that is going to happen! From what I am planning I can end it quickly, or drag it out a little longer so tell me what you want me to do because I really do not care, it is you the reader's who I care about, I do not want to drag it on if it turns away reader's… I would like to end it and bring it justice so… tell me after you hear the little plan I have… **

**This chapter will be most likely really short… probably under 2,000 words (which is short in a lot of my fics) or near it and will probably be mostly dealing around two things… the final major thing I am planning, and another step for Meredith and Derek…**

* * *

"MEREDITH! DEREK!" Izzie's voice broke the couple's peaceful slumber in each other's arms. "MEREDITH! DEREK! OPEN UP!" The scream was followed by intense and loud pounding on the door. Mer sighed and slipped out of her husband's arms. Her eyes were still damp from the previous night. Her neck was sore from the angle she had slept in Derek's arms. On the table still sat the letter from Lyss. Her Lyssy.

"Keep your pants on Iz!" Meredith called. Immediately the pounding on the door ceased. Meredith looked back at Derek who was sitting up and holding Lyss's letter again, rubbing his eyes tiredly. The minute she opened the door Izzie came flying in.

"What the hell is going on?" she asked immediately.

"What are you talking about Iz?" Mer said, a little amused.

"The fact that you have not answered your phones since yesterday, your children are not in school, and you had Mark pick up them up from school yesterday, not telling him why except that it was about Lyss… what do you think we are all thinking?" Izzie yelled.

"Izzie… they are still asleep," Mer sighed. "Be quiet and we will explain."

"Okay," she nodded as Derek stood up and joined them, wrapping his arm around Mer's waist. "Explain…"

"Let's sit," Derek said, nodding towards the kitchen. Izzie and Mer sat down while he put on a cup of coffee. He looked towards the clock and saw it was already 9am.

"What happened yesterday?" Izzie pressed again.

"Dr. Wyatt… she told me that… that I had to find Lyss, to try and get over her death," Mer began.

"Yeah… you said," Izzie nodded.

"So… I went into her room," Mer explained. "And… sat there till Derek found me, and together we found um… we found…" Derek got up and grabbed the note on the table.

"This," he finished for her. Izzie grabbed it and they watched as her eyes scanned the paper. Her hand slowly moved towards her mouth in a gasp.

"Oh my god… Lyss… she wrote this to you," Izzie whispered.

"And one to everyone else," Mer nodded.

"Amazing," Izzie breathed. "What did it say?" Izzie asked quietly.

"That we shouldn't dwell on her death," Derek answered. "That… everything happened for a reason, and the fact that she is no longer suffering is cause for a celebration and…"

"I always knew Lyss was smart, but not that smart," Izzie smiled. "And from the looks of her handwriting, it was in one of her last days. She was hardly coherent back then."

"It's amazing what people can do when, when they know that they are dying, they know things… I understand things… at least that's what Lyss said," Meredith told her.

"But really… she's right," Izzie smiled.

"About what?" Derek asked.

"I have another plan," Izzie said without saying what it was about.

"About what?" Meredith asked.

"I have to call everyone," Izzie continued.

"Izzie," Derek said.

"Memorial Day will be best, it's in a few weeks," she said, pulling out her phone.

"IZZIE!" Derek and Meredith yelled at the same time.

"What?" she asked, a little confused, looking up from her phone screen.

"About what?" Mer asked. "What is Lyss right about?"

"A celebration," Izzie smiled. "We should celebrate Lyss's life. Not her death. Everything good about her, everything good that happened to her, all the memories we have with her."

"I… uh… I don't know Iz," Mer murmured.

"Mer's right… it's too soon, it's only been a little over two months," Derek reasoned.

"But if you do it later you won't be honoring Lyss's wishes," Izzie protested. "You found her… now let her memory comfort you. The past two months have been hell, for all of us. We need something to celebrate I mean… we missed Easter for goodness sake, we all sat around and did nothing!"

"I don't know… I don't know if we can plan something like that Iz," Derek told her, standing behind Mer. "As you said it has been a rough couple of months… a rough year. Hell, our entire family almost fell apart… we need time."

"And what better time than being surrounded by your family," Izzie said. "You two don't have to worry about anything. Just know where Lyss's stuff is and let me take care of the rest. I have videos with Lyss in them, everyone has pictures. All you guys have to do is host it. You need time for yourselves, you need to help yourselves. You two have healed your relationship and everything… now it's time to celebrate surviving this past year as a family. Surviving all the grief."

"Derek, she's right," Mer whispered.

"Aren't I always," Iz smiled. "So it's set, I'll plan it for Memorial Day?" Derek and Meredith nodded.

"And I just remembered one more thing… we have to do," Mer commented, looking up at her husband. In his eyes she could see he had the same thought.

* * *

The family stood in the middle of a place they had not seen in the past two months. The last time they were there, the Seattle sky was as it usually was, dark, cloudy, and releasing an unstopping rain on the world below. It had fit perfectly into the day. The last time Mer had crumpled on the damp ground while her family looked on. The last time they were there was Lyss's funeral.

Now, the Seattle sky was unnaturally bright and sunny. The outside actually felt warm on their skin. The family clutched flowers as they had done before, but this time they were lavender, not roses, Lyss's favorite; and their eyes were dry. Noah clutched a small collection of balloons in one hand, and several pieces of paper in the other. It was a bittersweet day today, not a completely devastating day.

"Where is Lyss?" Sophia asked quietly. Derek nodded to a gravesite that still had some unearthed dirt on top of it. But the gravestone was now placed above it.

"Oh," Mer whispered. "It's there… I…" Derek put his hands on her shoulders and led her towards it gently. Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kels, and Noah followed more slowly. Noah was confused though. The eight family members quickly encircled the gravesite.

"Hi baby," Mer began. "I'm so sorry we didn't come earlier. I'm so sorry that this is the first time I am visiting you. But don't worry… this will be the longest time in between from now on."

"I hope you are being good to your Grandfather Chris and Grandmother Ellis up there," Derek said. "But I guess you have Chase to keep you in line."

"Lyss always behaved Daddy, I don't know what you are talking about," Sophia giggled, a couple tears running down her face. Meredith bent down and touched some of the flowers that sat on the unearthed dirt. She remembered seeing Izzie carrying them one day. She closed her eyes and sucked in a painful breath. Her Aunt had visited her before her own family did, and their selfishness was to blame.

"It looks like Aunt Izzie did a good job keeping you all nice," Mer smiled slightly. She looked at the gravestone. "It's beautiful, we did a good job."

"It is," Derek agreed as Meredith ran her fingers over the words.

_Alyssa D. Shepherd; __January 21st, 2011 - March 16th, 2025; Daughter, Sister, Friend to all; Even though she had a painfully short life, her memory will forever touch everyone who was in her life_

"So Lyss," Hayley smiled. "Remember that guidance counselor we used to complain about, Mrs. Reynolds… you know as well as us that she was a complete moron… she got fired… she accused a student of doing drugs or something, his parents got pissed and… well, she's gone."

"And your friends miss you… they kept your locker… I don't know if they will ever give it to someone else because someone painted on it and the janitor didn't have the heart to paint over it," Paige sad. "Pretty sure it's going to be a memorial to you… that's how much you were loved, at least by the people who knew you."

"And I met a new friend," Kels said. "She's so nice… and… her name is Alyssa, I like to think you sent her to me because, we are both talking about trying field hockey or lacrosse, one or the other. And… dance is dedicating the recitals to you. Or at least one of them. It's called the Lyss Shepherd Memorial Recital. I'm in it obviously. And I am trying out for company next year… I am kinda excited; I just wish you were still there because we could've done a duo."

"And I was talking to Ava the other day," Sophia continued. "The travel team is having new shirts made. On the chest they are having a little patch with crossing field hockey sticks that are going to have your initials."

"And I quit wrestling… so I could start lacrosse," Jake laughed. "No… I will still not go out for field hockey no matter how much you ever tried to convince me. You would have to force me into the skirt."

"Kilt Jakey," Kelsey giggled. "You know Lyss and her technicality. It's a kilt."

"We miss you so much Lyss," Mer sighed. "But your happy so it means we are happy too. Sad that you're gone. But happy that you're out of pain. We will never forget you."

"As you can see you are so amazing that you touched so many people in your life, you were loved so much by everyone," Derek added. "You were always my little fighter."

"Ever since you were born," Mer nodded.

"Mommy… Daddy," the little voice of Noah broke into their conversation. He pulled at Derek's pants.

"Noah," Mer smiled and bent down beside him.

"How are you talking to Lyssa?" he asked. "She's not here… she's in the sky." He pointed upwards.

"She is," Derek nodded. "Would you like to talk to her buddy?" He nodded.

"Give me the papers," Mer said and he complied. She took out a pen. "What do you want to say?"

"That I love her and miss her lots," Noah said. "And that I want her here, but I know she can't be anymore." Meredith began scribbling them down.

"What about what you've done in the past month?" Derek asked him.

"I got a new bike!" he giggled. "For my birthday! It's a big boy bike Lyssa! And it's blue!"

"Anything else?" Mer smiled.

"Um…" Noah said, tapping his chin. "I am almost finished preschool… I am starting kindergarten."

"Not till next year bud," Jake laughed.

"That's it," Noah smiled his toothy grin. "How am I saying it to Lyssa?"

"Like this," Meredith said, grabbing his balloons and tying a piece of paper to each. She handed them back to him. He looked at them.

"Release them into the sky Noah," Paige explained. "Lyss can get them that way."

"Really?" he said his eyes wide.

"Really," Meredith told him, standing up. She ran her fingers through his blond locks. She watched as his little fingers let go of the balloons and they were taken by the wind into the sky.

"Hi Lyssa," Noah giggled, waving to the sky.

"Now it's time to go," Derek said, taking his hand. His big blue eyes were still transfixed on the now smaller balloons in the sky.

"Okay," he sighed as Derek led him to the car.

"Bye Lyss."

"Bye Lyss."

"Bye Lyssa."

"Be back later Lyss."

"Take care baby."

"See you Lyss."

"See ya later sis."

Everyone passed the grave and went towards their car, except for Meredith. She bent back down next to it, tears flowing down her face for the first time since they arrived.

"Be good baby," she whispered. "I'm glad you made me fight… but I still miss you every second of the day. But it's better than being in limbo, and I really hope me fighting freed you. You always were stubborn though, so I really didn't have a choice. I await the day we will be together again."

"Mer, ready to go?" Derek called from the car.

"I'll be back soon," Mer promised, putting her fingers to her lips before running them on Lyss's name. "I love you." She turned around, wiping the tears from her eyes, and walked back towards the car. Derek kissed her temple gently when she arrived and helped her into the car. The family left the cemetery just as the last balloon disappeared behind the clouds, into the atmosphere, towards Lyss.

* * *

**So what do you think I should do? End with the celebration (which will last several chapters) and epilogue, or add yearly marks of Lyss's death in with it? **

**I believe this fic has run its course, the letters were the main part but… I will do what you, the reader's would like me to do…**

**PLEASE R&R!**

**A/N: Running Into Love next… **

**Also, I was wondering if you could all vote on my poll on my profile. It's for my next fic, not in Grey's sorry but in NCIS, and if you watch NCIS you will know why it's an Israeli character, but even if you don't I would like you to vote on it anyway. Thanks!**


	16. Chapter 16: Celebration Part 1

**Disclaimer: I have a disclaimer... do you think I own it? :) **

**Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I had hit a little bump in the road when my mind went completely blank on how to do the next three chapters that I just couldn't write. Maybe it was because I had great epiphanies for the two epilogues I will be writing and just couldn't stop thinking about what I was going to do with them. **

**Before I continue rambling, I wanted to ask any NCIS fans to check out my NCIS Tiva child three-shot entitled Crossfire, or to vote on my poll in my profile for the title of my first long, multi-chapter NCIS fic… there are two options; An Angel's Pain and New Found Angel, I cannot seem to choose (the description of the fic is on my profile page) so even if you do not read NCIS ff I would appreciate it if you could just tell me your favorite title for it…**

**Darn… I rambled again haha! Without further ado, Enjoy this next chapter, Celebration Part 1 of 3 :D This is more of a filler… I kind of combined laughing and smiles into one chapter, part 2…**

* * *

Meredith ran around the house nervously. It's has been two weeks since they had found the letters from Lyss and today was the day everyone was coming over for whatever it was Izzie was planning. Mer had to worry about nothing. Her only instructions were to keep all of the pictures of Lyss around the house.

Mer did not mind this. At first the pictures were a painful reminder. Now they were a comfort. Not just to her but the whole family. It was like Lyss was watching over them, every minute of every day.

"Mom, what time are they all coming?" Sophia asked, coming down the stairs. Meredith was now running the vacuum in the living room. She had gotten her boot removed last week and recently discarded her arm sling because it became too much of a hassle; it was much easier to move around now.

"Soon," Meredith shrugged.

"What are we doing today anyway?" Sophia asked.

"Ask your Aunt Izzie Soph, I was told that all I had to do was volunteer my house," Mer smiled.

"It's a celebration of Lyss right?" Sophia questioned.

"Yeah," Mer nodded.

"Who's all coming?" Paige asked, coming down the stairs after Sophia.

"Again, ask your Aunt Izzie… I imagine the whole family," Mer said.

"The whole family, as in… New York, LA?" Hayley questioned.

"I really hope so!" Kelsey added. "Aunt Em, Aunt Lynds, Aunt Kath, and Aunt Nancy all left too soon last month."

"Leave it up to Aunt Iz to leave us in the dark," Paige giggled.

"I heard that Paige," Izzie said, pushing through the front door, food in her hands. Alex, Ali, Dylan, and Mike following.

"Oh my god," Meredith shook her head. "Izzie… you cooked so much… let me help-" Izzie held her hand up.

"This is for you Mer," Izzie smiled. "Let us do this for you." She squeezed her friends arm gently and turned to greet the girls.

"It's for you guys too," Derek said, coming down the stairs with Noah on his back.

"Be careful Derek," Meredith hissed. Derek smirked and kissed her on the cheek.

"Yeah but… you guys finally came on good terms with her death, it's time you just… relax," Izzie told them. "Bailey said that Dr. Wyatt has scheduled a session only every two weeks now. You are healing… finally."

"So when are whoever is coming-" Derek began but broke off as the doorbell rang. "Coming."

"Well if the amount of food now on my kitchen table, I am afraid of what is behind this door," Mer smirked as opened it. Just as she expected, a sea of people flowing out to the sidewalk greeted her. "Figures you'd ALL come at once." The next ten minutes were chaotic as everyone from the family greeted each other. Everyone from Seattle, everyone from New York and Connecticut, everyone from LA. Except two people.

"Where's Addie?" Meredith questioned.

"She and Kevin told me they were going to be late," Cristina said. "Well called me… she hasn't been two work in three days."

"What is she up to?" Meredith shook her head.

"What makes you think I'd be up to anything Meredith?" Addie said out of nowhere as the front door opened.

"Addie I-" Elizabeth began, being closest to the door. "Oh my goodness!" she gasped.

"Addison," Mer breathed.

"They are here!" Lexie exclaimed. She wasn't talking about Kevin and Addie. She was talking about the two little bundles wrapped in their arms.

"Oh my god!" Izzie squealed. "Hi babies… they are so cute…" She began cooing at the baby cuddled in Addie's arms.

"That's Emmeliene," Addie said. "We've been calling her Emily."

"And I have Colton," Kevin smiled. "We've been calling him Cole."

"Why didn't you tell us Ads?" Meredith asked, coming up to stand beside her friend and look down at Emily.

"Because what better way to meet your family then when they are all together celebrating the life of the girl they are named after," Addie said.

"Congratulations Addie," Derek said, clapping Kevin on the back, Cole already in the capable hands of Izzie.

"As Lyss would say," Mer said. "You're all grown up. You have your happy ending." Addie smiled and hugged Mer tightly; a single tear falling down both women's faces. Just then Mark emerged from the kitchen.

"Goodness, I could have a field day in there," Mark chuckled. "There is enough food for a month."

"Shut up Uncle Mark," Ali said. "I helped my mom make all that food."

"Mini Izzie made the food," Mark smirked. "Thought you couldn't cook."

"Lyss couldn't cook either but it never stopped her from helping," Ali shrugged.

"Well Lyss could kill you with her glare Alison," Mark rolled her eyes.

"But she was also a klutz," Cristina added. "When Lexie, Izzie, and I were cooking with her a couple months ago, she slipped in flour and landed on a carton of eggs."

"Don't even remind me how she got out of cleaning that," Lexie rolled her eyes.

"You guys should have realized by now that Lyss could get out of almost anything she wanted to," Hayley shook her head. "Fourteen years, no one ever learned."

"She had ways," Kelsey smiled. "That was Lyss."

"Sounds about right," Lily added.

"Don't forget Christmas when we all ate the first plate of cookies Nana made and right before we all got caught she appeared next to Aunt Mer and Der, looking all innocent," Jill laughed.

"She was five and a little devil," Paige smiled.

"Believe us," Hannah spoke up from beside Ali. "We know it."

"We used to talk in class; we'd all in trouble while Lyss mysteriously disappear," Becca giggled.

"That sounds like our Lyss," Derek smiled, wrapping his arm around Mer.

"Look at us," Violet spoke up. "Talking with ease. Talking about her."

"We're all growed up!" Noah giggled.

* * *

No one was really sure how it grew from talking about anything and everything to completely silent. One minute they were laughing at Noah, the next second they were eating lunch, and then everyone was gathered in the living room in any odd spot; staring at each other.

"Sooooo…" Owen said.

"Yeah," Kathleen nodded.

"What are we going to do?" Izzie asked.

"You mean to tell us you came up with the little plan and you don't know what to do?" Mark scrutinized.

"Don't pick on her Mark Sloan," Elizabeth scolded. "It was a wonderful idea."

"Meredith, Derek, what do you want to do?" Lexie asked. Everyone turned to them. Together they were huddled on Derek's chair. In Mer's arms there was Cole. In Derek's Emily. They didn't hear the question; they were too busy cooing at the babies.

"Mer, Der," Nancy said. Both of their heads snapped up.

"Huh," Mer mumbled.

"What do you guys want to do now?" Emma asked.

"I don't know," Derek shrugged. He looked over at Meredith who was looking at Sophia, the two of them shrugged as well.

"I don't care," Mer smiled. "Just being here, surrounded by all of you… and being happy. That's all I need. Just being together as a family again, it sort of feels like Lyss is here. In the room with us. Doesn't it?"

"It does," Ali commented.

"But we can't sit around doing nothing this weekend," Alex reminded her.

"We did not come all the way from the East Coast to sit here," Lyndsey told them.

"But doesn't this feel nice though," Mer sighed, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. "I feel… I don't know. Close to her."

"Who are you at what did you do to my best friend?" Cristina asked her, a little appalled. Talia giggled from beside her.

"I had a near death whatever, my daughter actually died," Mer shrugged. "I feel, alive."

"That's kind of obvious Grey," Miranda rolled her eyes.

"What about videos?" Ava piped up. "We've raided your TV cabinet enough times to know that there are too many home videos in there to count." Derek gave Mer a small smile and she gave his arm a tiny squeeze as Emily and Cole were passed on.

"One of the last things I did with her," Derek sighed.

"Let's see," Izzie said opening the cabinet, disturbing Hershey who barked.

"Hush," Mer scolded. Hershey barked again, this time nudging a video that fell out.

"What is this," Rob commented.

"Lyss's first birthday," Lily said, looking over his shoulder.

"How fitting," Kyle smiled.

"Put it in," Mer said, grabbing onto Paige's hand as Derek encircled his arms around her. She pushed her face in his chest for one second and took a deep breath. When she looked up a one year old Lyss was smiling at the camera, giggling.

"_Ma," Lyss said, reaching out for Meredith's face as she leaned down next to her._

"_Yeah baby, it's your birthday," Mer cooed. "You're one year old."_

"_Yssa birday," two year old Hayley said from her highchair near Lyss's._

"_Yes it is," Derek said, ruffling his daughter's hair._

"_Not my party," Sophia frowned._

"_We explained this already Sophia Cristina," Meredith scolded the four year old. Sophia pouted._

"_You already had your party Sophia," Izzie said. "Remember?"_

"_My party," Sophia stamped her foot._

"_And I thought we had to worry about the twins entering their terrible twos," Derek whispered in Mer's ear but it was heard._

"_Shepherd, we have to get back to the hospital," Miranda snapped. "Stop making lovey dovey eyes."_

"_Oh Miranda," Elizabeth said. "You've known them for years now. It's what they do."_

"_It's cute," Lexie laughed._

"_One Lexipedia," Cristina rolled her eyes. "It's never cute… and two, it's ESPECIALLY not cute when we want to watch Mini Mer actually have her cake."_

"_Lyss, you want your cake," Izzie cooed at her. Lyss giggled and reached out for Ali in Izzie's arms._

"_Al," she giggled._

"_Ali wants cake too," Alex chuckled._

"_I'm handing her to you while I get the cake, I am going to trust you not to feed her ANY when it's out," Izzie snapped._

"_Ex," Lyss slammed her hand on her high chair._

"_Your screwed one Ali begins to talk Karev," Mark smirked._

"_He has Dylan already, remember," Kathleen commented._

"_Good luck then," Mark said. "You're like Shep. Except not as bad. You only have three girls. He has five."_

"_We already have the usual Shepherd four, this one better be a boy," Derek sighed, rubbing Mer's stomach. Mer swatted him away as Izzie came back in with two cakes. The tiny one she placed in front of Lyss._

"_Oh Iz, you didn't," Mer shook her head._

"_I do it with all the children," she shrugged._

"_Great," Derek muttered kissing Mer on the cheek._

"_Come on," Cristina huffed. Mer rolled her eyes and shut off the lights as Iz lit the one candle on the larger cake._

"_Happy birthday to you," Izzie began and everyone joined in. They were interrupted by a large scream coming from Lyss's mouth. They seemed to forget the fact that she hated the song and cried every time she heard it. Everyone sighed and continued quickly as she wailed. "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Lyss! Happy birthday to you!" Everyone clapped and chuckled slightly as the wailing abruptly stopped and Lyss gave them all a drooly smile; tears still running down her face._

"_Loud," Paige complained._

"_She's definitely your daughter Mer," Addie teased._

"_Girls, do you want to blow out Lyss's candle for her?" Izzie asked. She looked towards Sophia who was still angry about it not being her party. At the mention of that she jumped up._

"_Me Me!" she shouted and jumped on the chair, blowing the candle out a second later._

"_Phia," Hayley whined._

"_Here," Izzie smirked, lighting the candle again. "Your turn." Hayley smiled widely and blew the candle out._

"_Hay," Lyss giggled reaching out for her big sister. "Pay!"_

"_Paigey, you want to blow it out?" Mer asked, but shy little Paige shook her head no. Mer kissed her head and turned her head back to the baby. Derek bent down on the other side of her. Lyss stared at the pink and purple cake that sat in front of her inquisitively. _

"_Princess," he said. "That's your cake."_

"_My," her eyes widened._

"_Yes yours," Mer smiled. "You want to try it." Lyss looked over at her mother, her green eyes wide, as if to say 'Really?'_

"_Really Alycat," Derek whispered in her ear._

"_Say bye bye to the cake," Owen chuckled from behind the camera as a smile spread across Lyss's face. In an instant her palm was placed in the center of the cake._

"_Oh goodness," Kathy laughed, holding little Lily. "Glad Lily didn't do that."_

"_Good luck cleaning her," Emma teased as Lyss shoved the cake in her face and slammed her hand on the cake again. She began playing with it, smearing it all over her arms and face again._

"_Can Daddy have some of Aunt Izzie's yummy cake?" Derek asked. Lyss looked over at him, a devilish smile across her face. Before Derek could react, the cake filled hand was smashed on his face. In shock he jumped back. An eruption of laughter exploded from around them._

"_Good job baby," Mer praised as Lyss raised a piece of cake towards her. "Oh… oh no Lyssy. I don't want any cake."_

"_Mama," Lyss frowned._

"_Come on Mer," Derek smirked. Mer sighed as opened her mouth, shocked as Lyss placed the tiny piece of cake gently in her mouth._

"_Mama," she smiled._

"_Yummy," Mer said, kissing her cake covered face gently._

"_Why did Mommy get to try it and I got it in my face?" Derek asked, bending down to ask her again. That was a mistake. Just as quickly as before, the cake was smashed in his face again. "Oof," he said, stumbling back from the force that Lyss had 'fed' him._

"_I stand corrected," Addie laughed. "She's so Derek's child." _

"Lyssy," Mer whispered, a smile spreading across her face. "She was Derek. At times."

"She was a goofball like you Daddy," Kelsey giggled. "Even as a baby."

"I'm a goofball huh," Derek asked her.

"Uh oh," Kels squeaked and turned to run away, frowning as Mark stood in her way.

"You brought this on yourself hun," Liz chuckled as Kelsey screamed while Derek picked her up.

"NO! NO! DADDY!" she giggled as he began tickling her stomach.

"I can't baby," he teased. "I'm a goofball. I'm supposed to make people laugh."

"Just as Lyss felt it was her job," Mark sighed looking at the frozen picture on the TV screen. Lyss. A baby. A little devil. Perfect. Healthy. Grinning. Covered in icing.

"Because it was," Mer smiled as she watched her family, feeling complete bliss. "And it always will be."

* * *

**So the next two chapters are pretty much going to be completely flashbacks for smiles/laughs and tears. And who knows, you may be smiling and laughing as well (: The first birthday video was just the beginning but if any of you have any ideas for flashbacks for the smiles/laughs/tears feel free to share them with me and I will give you full credit!**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**The more reviews I get, the faster I update!**

**A/N: Reminder to vote on my poll or read my fic if you are into NCIS fanfiction, thanks!**


	17. Chapter 17: Celebration Part 2

**A/N: Had the hardest time ever writing these chapters and am very disappointed in it, but I promise the final two will be awesome!**

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy was all sold out, so no, not yet ;)**

**Two more chapters left after this one, three including this one. I was going to separate all the flashback chapters, but I decided to combine them all into one because I was having a really hard time writing them… it will probably be a long chapter . The final two chapters are two very different epilogues told in two POV's…**

**I had trouble writing this chapter when I was trying to figure out exactly what I was going to have accomplished until I realized that I honestly didn't have to accomplish anything. This chapter is mainly just flashbacks . What I used this chapter for was bring background to the entire story. Show moments with the family I never shown before. There will be a tidbit of every character at least once in this chapter. This way, you can kind of feel like you are watching whatever videos, looking at whatever pictures, read whatever writing, that I add in this chapter along with the characters… and hopefully if I do my job right, laugh/smile/cry along with them… so…**

**ENJOY (:**

* * *

"So…" Mark broke the silence that seemed to fall over the group again. They honestly had no clue what to do with themselves. They were surrounded entirely by Lyss, wanted to honor her in some way, but still had no clue how to do it.

"What do we want to do with ourselves?" Elizabeth said.

"I honestly find it amusing that Izzie came up with this idea, and is the quietest of them all," Meredith smirked.

"You were Lyss's mother," Cristina countered. "Why don't you have anything to say or do?"

"Are," Meredith corrected. "Just because she is dead doesn't mean I stop being her mother."

"We still have seven kids," Derek added. "One just happens to be in heaven, living peacefully."

"And here comes defensive Derek," Lyndsey rolled her eyes.

"Why don't we all shut up and watch something," Alex suggested. "Before we lose focus because we are all still clearly tense."

"It hasn't even been four months Alex," Lexie reminded him. "It's still fresh in our minds."

"The last time we were all gathered here," Nancy sighed. "Just the family." Everyone went silent as they remembered that day. Everyone crammed in there, distracting themselves, as their Lyss slipped away upstairs.

"This is a celebration, we have to celebrate something of Lyss, not mourn," Izzie said. "We are past that… or trying to be."

"If we are celebrating Lyss we must do something she loved," Emma said.

"Dancing," Melissa spoke up. "She loved it more than drama; she loved it more than field hockey."

"Sometimes I think she loved it more than us," Hayley joked.

"Derek, her first recital," Mer smiled. "Where is it?"

"Where is always is… in the Lyss section," Derek said, getting up from his chair to move to the tv cabinet. Underneath where all their DVD's were they had a section for each kid in the order of their age. Lyss's was always the largest because she did so much.

"I don't think I've ever seen this one," Nancy commented.

"It's a riot Nance," Derek smirked hitting play on the DVD player.

_The curtain opened to reveal a stage of ten or more preschool aged kids lined up in a line. All of them were dressed as little baby ducks._

"_Please welcome our youngest class, performing 'A Baby Duck'," the announcer said as the annoying song played._

"_Where's Lyssy?" the voice of Sophia was heard._

"_Right there Phi," Derek's voice boomed from behind the camera, her finger reaching out to point towards the smallest child on the stage. Her eyes were wide as she took in the audience. For a second she was frozen before her eyes moved towards the side where their teachers were stationed._

"_A baby duck," all the little kids on stage sang along. "A baby duck! A cud-cud-cuddly, cud-cud-cuddly, a cud-cud-cuddly duck!" Lyss's little ballet shoe moved out in a point, then her other foot. She was the only child really focused on what she was doing. Half of the kids had stopped and were staring fearfully, a few were crying, and a few were doing it halfheartedly. All but Lyss._

"_A BABY DUCK!" Lyss's tiny voice was heard and they heard Derek chuckle from behind the camera._

"_Look at our baby girl Der," Mer's voice came from next to the camera. "She's doing so well."_

"_She is, she is the only one not distracted by…" Derek began but stopped as Lyss stopped and got on her tippy toes. She was searching the audience. They watched everyone move except Lyss. The roles were reversed now. That was until her little green eyes fell on their section._

"_MOMMY! DADDY!" Lyss's little voice cut through the song as she began jumping up and down, a huge smile on her face. "I'M DANCIN'! I'M DANCIN'! LOOKEE AT ME!" Her little hand waved._

"_Oh god," Meredith giggled as an eruption of laughter came from all sides of them. "That's our Lyss."_

"_That's your daughter," a complete stranger turned around to face the camera._

"_Yes she is," Derek chuckled as Lyss continued to bounce up and down._

"_Lyssa silly," Hayley giggled from next to them._

"_It looks like you got a little star there," the woman said. "She's gonna go far, I can tell."_

"_Thank you," Meredith laughed as Lyss waved even harder._

"_Only Lyss," Derek chuckled as one of her teachers had to remove her from the stage because the song was over and she was the only one who had not left the stage._

There were tears in everyone's eyes from laughing so hard.

"That lady was right," George laughed.

"She certainly was," Meredith shook her head.

"I wanna watch more Lyssa dancin' Mommy!" Noah giggled. "She funny."

"She wasn't always funny buddy," Mark informed him. "You're sister was a beautiful dancer." And with that they began watching more and more videos to Noah's request. They watched when she was 6 and began tapping, and her first company dance when she was 8, her first duo with Melissa when they were 9, her first solo when she was 10, and after that, they watched everything. That was until they found a random one.

"_Why am I taping this again?" Sophia asked as they hid around the corner. Adam stepped out smirking._

"_Because we are getting her back for the comment she made earlier," he smirked. "You know how much she hates it when we see her in her costumes, scare her, and… you'll see."_

"_It will be fun Soph, Lyss will be pissed," Paige giggled._

"_See you all over there!" Lyss called as she few down the stairs, the same time as Melissa's mother honked the horn._

"_NOW!" Jake called. She froze in her tracks as Joey and Noah grabbed onto her legs._

"_Cute guys," she laughed. "But I need to go." The camera panned out to see all of the boys behind her. Adam's hand went up and counted down to three._

"_AHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed, just as Noah and Joey let go. Lyss let out a screech and toppled over in a heap of her costumes. The house erupted in laughter as the boys tackled her. Kyle threw her over his shoulder and began spinning her around._

"_LET ME GO!" she screamed, pounding on his back and kicking her feet._

"_Take it back," he said._

"_NEVER!" she hissed._

"_What is going on in here?" the voice of Elizabeth Shepherd was heard._

"_You're all in trouble," Lyss smirked._

"That was last Mother's Day," Kyle laughed. "Best joke on her ever."

"It wasn't even a joke, it was just fun messing with her," Adam said proudly.

"I remember this dance," Nancy commented as the video cut to a stage in the middle of the park.

"_In honor of Mother's Day, please welcome our first group of dancer's to the stage in their award winning number, Mama I'm a Big Girl Now," the studio owner announced._

"_YEAH!" a cheer was heard as Lyss, Melissa, and their company hustled on the stage in bright pink polka-dot dresses and character shoes._

"_She's never gonna live this down," Alex chuckled as he heard all the boys snicker. They all watched as the music began. It was a pantomime so all the girls had different parts to lip sync. Lyss's first were…_

"_I know that you want what's best," she mouthed with a dramatic eye roll in the direction of her family. One for effect, and two for the fact that the guys began whistling. The next part was clearly her favorite._

"_Ma, I gotta tell you that without a doubt, I get my best dancing lessons from you. You're the one who taught me how to "twist and shout" Because you shout non-stop, and you're so twisted too!  
Wo -oh -oh -oh –oh," she mouthed and as she was singing, looking directly at Meredith. At the end she pointed directly at Meredith._

_Everyone around them began laughing and Derek turned the camera briefly towards Meredith whose jaw dropped open. She turned to Derek._

"_She was pointing at me, she was SO pointing at me," she exclaimed._

"_Yes dear, you are her mother," he chuckled._

"_She's gonna regret it," Mer joked, shaking her head. Just then they turned back towards the stage._

"_Watch me FLY!" Lyss mouthed as she made two graceful leaps across the stage, in front of everyone._

"_Show off," everyone else mouthed and Lyss turned back at them and gave them a glare. Like before, the Shepherd's and everyone else erupted into laughter. It was too like Lyss, like they picked this as their company's song just for her. The song soon ended and Lyss, Melissa, and the company hustled off the stage._

"That day was hilarious," Addie smirked. "Don't think I stopped laughing."

"Hey Ads," Mer smiled. "Next mother's day, it will be your first mother's day."

"I know, I can't wait," Addie smiled, as she held Emmeliene close to her.

"Lyss would have been so proud of you," Derek joked.

"She would have," Addie nodded.

"I find it hilarious that we know Lyss, a fourteen year old girl, would be proud of Addie… a…" Cristina began.

"Shut up," Addie hissed, talking about her age.

"It was just the kind of person Lyss was," Mark nodded as he grabbed Colton from Kevin's arms.

"Mrs. Shepherd," Melissa spoke up. "I… um… I was wondering if… I know you turned it off at her funeral but… could we watch our last recital." Meredith looked up at Derek who nodded, and went directly where the tape was kept. In silence, Meredith and Derek placed it in the DVD player before resuming their spot on the couch. The tape picked right up from where they last stopped it. Frozen on Lyss's teary face.

"That's because…" Lexie began.

"Yeah," Derek nodded.

_The first song was Instant Replay. Lyss's song. Lyss and Melissa were the first two in the front. They always looked a lot alike. There was always one difference. Lyss's hair was blond and Melissa's hair was brunette. Otherwise they had a similar, slim profile, green eyes, and a beautiful smile. That was the other difference that they had on that day. Melissa was smiling happily while Lyss didn't even make an attempt._

_There was one point when only Melissa and Lyss were on the stage. They went from four fuetes to leap, a split, into a double turn. Together they were perfectly in sync. Afterwards they did an eclipse to the floor and leaped off the stage. Just before that Melissa caught Lyss's eyes. Her smile disappeared immediately as they both left the stage until the entire class came back on before the song ended. During the blackout after the final pose, you could hardly spot the figure bolting off the stage and another girl after her._

Meredith looked up, tears pouring out of her eyes, towards Melissa. The younger girl gave her an encouraging smile that said, 'no matter what she still loved you.' Despite that look, Melissa had tears in her eyes as well. Just then Meredith's head snapped back towards the TV at the first few lyrics of a song were heard.

"_I don't know, just where I'm going," the song lyrics rang out and Lyss danced out on the stage. "And tomorrow was a little overwhelming, and the air is cold… and I'm not the same anymore."_

"Her solo," Derek whispered, squeezing Mer's arm a little, kissing her head. The watched in awe as Lyss danced gracefully across the stage. She was stunning. But despite how beautiful she was and looked; her face was contorted in pain. A constant reminder of how they failed as parents.

"She was certainly a beautiful dancer," Richard nodded. "Always was…"

"Always will be," Kevin reassured.

"I was never, could never be as good as her," Kelsey agreed. They continued watching. Her tap, her duo with Melissa, her modern, her ballet, her pointe, her pantomime they already watched. Derek moved to turn it off when the screen turned on again, showing an empty stage.

"_Our final performance tonight is quite a treat, please welcome back to the stage Alyssa Shepherd, performing her second solo, a tribute to her parents," the dance studio owner announced._

Meredith gasped.

"Her forbidden solo," she murmured.

"The one none of us could see until recital," Hayley said sadly. Kelsey looked down guiltily. The watched in awe as Lyss again, this time smiling as if she was trying to show them what they missed, dancing around the stage even more beautifully. But that was not was made Meredith and Derek break out into sobs, it was the two songs she was dancing to.

_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder_  
_You get your fill to eat_  
_But always keep that hunger_  
_May you never take one single breath for granted_  
_God forbid love ever leave you empty handed_  
_I hope you still feel small_  
_When you stand by the ocean_  
_Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens_  
_Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance_  
_I hope you dance_  
_I hope you dance_

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance_  
_Never settle for the path of least resistance_  
_Living might mean taking chances_  
_But they're worth taking_  
_Lovin' might be a mistake_  
_But it's worth making_  
_Don't let some hell bent heart_  
_Leave you bitter_  
_When you come close to selling out_  
_Reconsider_  
_Give the heavens above_  
_More than just a passing glance_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance_  
_I hope you dance_  
_(Time is a real and constant motion always)_  
_I hope you dance_  
_(Rolling us along)_  
_I hope you dance_  
_(Tell me who)_  
_I hope you dance_  
_(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)_  
_(Where those years have gone)_

_I hope you still feel small_  
_When you stand by the ocean_  
_Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens_  
_Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance_

There was a brief cut in the music as the track changed.

_Christopher Robin and I walked along_

_Under branches lit up by the moon_

_Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore_

_As our days disappeared all too soon_

_But I've wandered much further today than I should_

_And I can't seem to find my way back to the Wood_

_So help me if you can_

_I've got to get back_

_To the House at Pooh Corner by one_

_You'd be surprised_

_There's so much to be done_

_Count all the bees in the hive_

_Chase all the clouds from the sky_

_Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh_

_Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do_

_Got a honey jar stuck on his nose_

_He came to me asking help and advice_

_And from here no one knows where he goes_

_So I sent him to ask of the Owl if he's there_

_How to loosen a jar from the nose of a bear_

_It's hard to explain how a few precious things_

_Seem to follow throughout all our lives_

_After all's said and done I was watching my son_

_Sleeping there with my bear by his side_

_So I tucked him in, I kissed him and as I was going_

_I swear that the old bear whispered _

_"Boy welcome home"_

_Believe me if you can_

_I've finally come back_

_To the House at Pooh Corner by one_

_What do you know_

_There's so much to be done_

_Count all the bees in the hive_

_Chase all the clouds from the sky_

_Back to the days of Christopher Robin_

_Back to the ways of Christopher Robin_

_Back to the days of Pooh_

"Th-That's w-why," Mer stuttered, burying her head into Derek's chest. "Oh Der."

"It's okay Mer, she knows what happened, Lyss understood," Derek reassured her. "She always understood, she always knew, it is okay."

"I know Derek, but still," Mer sighed.

"Let's just watch another video," Nancy suggested. "Get our minds off of that."

"Good idea," Miranda nodded. "Here, this one is unlabeled but it is in the Lyss section." Kelsey, who had been looking at her feet, more tears than usual running down her face, gulped. She knew that video. She made that video.

"Uh… why don't we uhh, watch something else," Kelsey whispered.

"Come on Kels," Jill nudged her. "It's Lyss, if it's embarrassing we can laugh. We could use it." Kels mumbled something under her breath as the video began.

"_Let's watch the grounded girl in her natural habitat," Kelsey's voice was heard behind the camera. "The kitchen sink." The camera panned out on Lyss. The pink hair streaks visible in her light blond hair, clad in all black. Lyss in the summer. Lyss in rebellion mode._

"_Watch as she does her chores," Kelsey laughed._

"_Stupid dishes," Lyss hissed as she slammed them down. The water splashed over and onto her shirt. "SHIT! Ugh, fucking chores, fucking parents, fucking boyfriend not calling me back. He's been acting so fricking weird!"_

"_She's got anger issues," Kelsey giggled._

"_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Lyss screamed, whipping her face towards the camera. "GET OUT OF HERE YOU FREAK!" She began chasing after the camera._

"_Alyssa Danielle Shepherd!" Derek boomed._

"_Thanks a lot brat," Lyss muttered before the camera turned off._

"Kels," Jake shook his head.

"Kels," Noah whimpered. "Lyssa mad." They turned to where the young blond was sitting a second ago. She had disappeared and sobbing could be heard from the back room.

"Kels," Mer gasped and rushed towards her youngest daughter. "Kelsey what's wrong?"

"I was horrible!" she sobbed. "I was a terrible sister, I tortured her non-stop!"

"Kelsey, you were her little sister, you fought, it's what happens," Meredith reassured.

"I was the reason she got sick! Or got worse, if I would have just told you," she whimpered.

"How do you know baby?" Derek asked. "Lyss was a private person, she didn't share things easily. Who knows when we would have found out if she was so mad at us."

"Despite the fact she also said she loved me… she must have hated me!" Kels exclaimed. Mer only smiled and pushed the hair from Kelsey's face.

"Come here," she said, nodding to Derek. He went over through the mass of people and put another DVD in. Kelsey obliged and sat down to watch the movie.

"What is this?" she asked.

"This was taken the day you were born Kels," Der smiled.

"_Lyss," Meredith smiled as the camera showed Meredith sitting in bed, a bundle wrapped in her arms, and a four year old Lyss sitting next to her. "This is your baby sister, Kelsey."_

"_Kelsey," Lyss giggled. "Hi Kelsey. I'm Lyssa."_

"_She's your big sister, you'll meet your other big sister later when they come home from school," Meredith said to the baby._

"_I'm special… No one else saw her yet," Lyss beamed._

"_That's right," Derek said behind the camera. "Why don't you tell her how much you love her."_

"_I love her lots!" Lyss said. "I'm gonna be the best big sister ever."_

"_I'm sure you will baby," Mer smiled. "Would you like to hold her."_

"_Yes please," Lyss's eyes widened. Meredith leaned Lyss up against her while placing the baby in her arms._

"_Kelsey, I'm gonna love you forever and forever," Lyss smiled, leaning down to kiss the baby on the nose. Kelsey gurgled and reached up for Lyss. "That's right, I'm big sister, you can look up to me! Anytime to want."_

"It was true… she was… I always looked up to her," Kels sighed.

"Here Kels," Mer smiled. "This was taken that day. That very moment." Kelsey looked at the picture. A baby her curled up in her big sisters arms. Lyss was smiling widely and it almost looked like Kels was smiling as well.

"I love how quickly our family solves problems," Lyndsey laughed as Kels hugged Meredith and Derek tightly.

"Speaking of solving problems, I think this past Christmas was on that last tape too… the fact that Lyss was so happy after being in such a bad mood should be celebrated too," Derek said. Jason who was closest switched tapes yet again, but instead of Christmas, it was a still of Lyss's room. All of a sudden Lyss came into view. It was not Lyss in rebellion mode, or maybe it was because they saw the cuts on her arms. But she was not dressed like

"_Hi," she sighed. "I really don't know what I am doing here but… I am only saying this because I figure that one day, you, Mom and Dad, or whoever is watching this, will have some case of nostalgia and will all of a sudden find this, the proof of the daughter you most likely forgotten because you probably sent me off to a convent after what you found out. But here… here is the truth of what really happened._

"_So, since I will never probably get to say this to you, since you will probably never give me the chance… "_

"'_What is the word that means you said no,'" Lyss began. "You would have been confused and then I'd say... 'When you're having sex.' After some initial shock, you'd answer rape. And then I'd continue.. ' I think that's what Bryan did to me. He said he wanted to be alone, I thought he just wanted to hang so... I skipped the free field hockey clinic this summer and... used my spare key to get into the cabin.'_

"'_It was awkward and... and then he started towards me... saying he wanted me... and I didn't know what to do... I didn't want to mess it up... so I let him take my clothes off, after he took his... but then I got scared, but he was already on top of me... He... he... stuck his fingers in me... and then I couldn't stop him... I told him no but he told me we had to finish... he told me we __had__ to, and I didn't know any better. He was too big to push off anyway. After he was done, he just lay there, on top of me, stroking me, I was so scared..." Lyss started to cry from the memory. "We sat there for an hour or... I don't know... it was happening so fast but so slow. He didn't let me go and put my clothes on_ _until we had to leave, he just kept looking at me... and... and... and..._ _Mommy I am pregnant_.**'**"

"Is she for real Mom," Sophia gasped.

"I wish I could say no," Mer sighed, resting her head on Der's chest. The family sat in silence, absorbing the news.

"So Izzie made more food right!" Mark broke the silence. And like always, through Lyss's cancer and death, Mark was who he always was. The plucky comic relief in times of strife. Lyss's favorite Uncle.

"You know me Mark, always ready for your demands," Izzie rolled her eyes and the room burst into laughter. Knowing that if Lyss were here, her smart remark would have done the same thing.

* * *

"If I learned one thing from this weekend it was how wonderful our little girl was," Meredith whispered as the family stood around the small gravestone in the middle of the cemetery. It was pouring but they didn't care. It was decorated with flowers galore. It was a place that would show that Lyss would forever be loved.

"How outspoken she could be about some things," Derek chuckled. "But how loud and aggressive she could be about the others."

"How she always put other's first," Mark mentioned.

"And didn't care about herself, she never did," Paige murmured.

"And how she loved everyone and everything, even if she hated it…" Sophia said. "And even if it is a contradiction it's true."

"Lyss was amazing, and forever will be," Izzie nodded.

"Never ceased to amaze me," Miranda added. Just then the rain stopped out of nowhere.

"Will never _cease_ to amaze me," Elizabeth laughed. Meredith lifted her face to the sky and closed her eyes.

"Lyss never put herself before others, which was why she died so quickly, because she wanted to make it as quick and painless for us… not herself… she would have kept suffering if she thought it would make us all happy," Meredith sighed. She looked back at her family. "For years we just took it and let everyone else take the spotlight despite how hard she worked, which is another reason she died, because she didn't tell us how sick she was feeling and it got too advanced to be cured." They all looked back at her, unsure of where she was going. "I think it is time we gave something back to Lyss for a change."

With those final words, the sun shone through the clouds, as if it was Lyss's sign of approval.

* * *

**Two epilogues left…**

**Please review, the GREY'S ANATOMY GODS WANT YOU TO!**

**A/N: If any of you read NCIS fanfiction, check out my profile and vote on my poll for the title of my first multi-chapter fic… here is its summary: **

**Ziva centric. Ziva David has always shown an interest towards children, but when 10 year old Aaliyah McCallin is found at a crime scene, she never expected the connection to be so strong. No one on the team expected how quickly she would weasel her way into their hearts. But when it's discovered that they have similar pasts, Ziva will stop at nothing to protect her, going as far as to admitting something that could risk her position on the team. As they dig deeper into the past of this young girl, one of Gibbs' rules is the least of their worries. The team soon finds themselves in a race against time to save Aaliyah, NCIS, and prevent a terrorist attack that would make 9/11 look like a normal day in New York City.**


	18. Chapter 18: Epilogue 1

**Disclaimer: I only have to do this once more after this for this story! I don't own it! I do not own the songs I use either! They belong to their respective owners!**

**Can't believe it! Epilogue Part 1 out of 2! This story is almost over! After the whole adventure with this family has gone by, it all comes down to this… it's so sad it makes me want to cry! Anyway… this chapter will probably be pretty awesome if I may say so… or at least I hope. It goes off of the last chapter and the last thing Mer said, giving something back to Lyss. This chapter will be pretty long, and starts off with a major time jump. **

**So please enjoy the second to last chapter of this series!**

* * *

_Five years later…_

Noah Shepherd groaned as his alarm went off. He opened his eyes and sighed, it was 6:30 and he was getting up… on a weekend of all days. But, today was March 16th.

That day was very special in his family, but Noah hardly knew why. Or hardly felt why it was.

March 16th was the day his big sister Alyssa died. Five years ago exactly.

Noah couldn't remember her, no matter how hard he tried. He was only four when it happened. He was nine now. What he did know was that she had cancer. He knew what cancer was for this very reason. It was a terrible disease that has different forms. It was deadly and the only way you can cure it could kill you too. That's what happened to Lyss.

"Noah," his older sister Kelsey called into his room. "Noah you lazy lump, get up!"

"I'm getting up," he snapped.

"What's wrong?" she asked him.

"Nothing," he sighed. "Nothing besides the fact that it's 6:30… and a weekend."

"You've been doing this for the past two years since Mom and Dad started the foundation, grow up," Kelsey rolled her eyes and left the room.

Noah sighed, she didn't get it. Kelsey is 14. She was 9 when Lyss died. She knew her, she remembered her. Noah was envious of that. The only thing he had to remember Lyss by was the letter she had written to him. But it was put in such a babyish way that angered Noah. She told him she was on a trip, but Noah knows that that is not true. Lyss died. She was in heaven.

He got changed into a pair of jeans and this year's shirt. He looked at it closely.

On the front it said "Chasing Lyss's Dream." Two years ago his parents and the parents of a boy Lyss knew who also died of cancer created the foundation. It was an organization that helped raise money for cancer research, leukemia in particular; as well as providing support for families of children with leukemia and those families who had the misfortune, like them, to lose a child to leukemia. They partnered with Make a Wish, Alex's Lemonade, and the American Cancer Society to make a fundraiser every year.

Every year he had to get up early, and head to the field hockey fields where the fundraiser was held on the anniversary of her death. One portion of it was a 24 hour field hockey tournament that was called Alyssa Fest. All the proceeds went to the foundation and the winner of tournament was always coincidently Lyss's old travel team. Of course, this year would be different seeing as they are all in college now.

The next portion is an all day dance show, where Lyss's old dance studio had performers dancing the entire time. The final was the benefit dinner that was held on Sunday night. It was long, torturous, but apparently very beneficial to their cancer center.

The cancer center was located a couple miles from the hospital. It was also where his parents spent most of their time when they weren't at the hospital since it was the central hub of Chasing Lyss's Dream. The center was home to a child hospice as well as an outpatient facility and home to several support groups.

It was all so much, so much for someone Noah could not remember. He went downstairs, stopping briefly at the letter to touch it. Downstairs, his parents were already gone or probably did not even come home last night. At the kitchen table sat his older sisters Paige and Hayley who were in college and his older brother Jake who was a junior in high school.

"Hey Noah," Paige smiled. "Long time no see!"

"Hey," he mumbled.

"Yo, you haven't seen us in three months and this is the greeting we get?" Hayley asked.

"Sorry… tired…" he sighed.

"You should know they don't take that excuse," Jake rolled his eyes. He was saved from further torture when the front door opened.

"I'm here!" a new voice called.

"Soph! Kitchen!" Kelsey called.

"Hey Hey," she greeted her family coming in.

"God you're huge," Paige smiled.

"She should be, she's due in a month," Sophia's husband, Josh Callen said coming up from behind. They were talking about the fact that she was 8 months pregnant with a little girl who they were naming Alyssa Meredith Shepherd-Callen.

"Still, it's very rare to see Soph this _fat_," Jake teased.

"When I am not pregnant anymore, you are so dead," she growled and sat down. "Where are mom and dad?"

"Center already," Kelsey answered. "They've hardly been home all week. All month almost."

"It takes a lot to run this thing… I helped last year remember… ugh… leave that job for Aunt Izzie from now on," Sophia groaned. "So what's up little bro?" She turned to Noah.

"Nothing, why does something have to be up," he snapped and got up to leave.

"Hey," Paige said grabbing his arm. "What's wrong?"

"You all always expect me to be a part of this… but I don't even remember her!" Noah hissed. "All you ever say is how much she loved me… well maybe if Lyss loved me more I'd remember her!"

"Dude… you don't even know," Jake said. "Lyss… she loved you the most."

"How come I don't remember," Noah sighed.

"You were four when she died Noah… back then… she explained everything so… so what happened whenever she used to get sick wouldn't happen anymore… so people could explain it to you later," Sophia explained.

"What do you mean?" Noah murmured, as Kelsey sat him back down.

"She used to get really sick… she spent her last Christmas and birthday in the hospital," Paige told him. "When she was in the hospital, or even home, she was not herself and you used to get scared. But when she saw you getting upset, she put on a strong face… for you."

"I wish I could remember her," Noah whispered. "I… I only remember bits and pieces."

"Like what?" Jake questioned.

"I used to call her Lyssa," he said. "And there was this one time… when she was screaming her head off at me, and she was holding her hair."

"Well that wasn't your fault," Paige told him outright. "Her hair started to fall out that day and…"

"And then…" he sighs. "I remember Mom and Dad, bringing me into a room, and she was there but she doesn't look like I ever remember, and she couldn't talk back but I was allowed to say goodbye to her." Sophia smiled.

"That was the day she died," she whispered, grabbing his hand. "The last memory you'd ever have of her. The whole family got to say goodbye until she finally let go."

"So everyone remembers it but me," he growled

"Well… Tyler and Taylor were not even one, and Emily and Cole weren't born yet," Hayley informed him.

"I wish I met her," Josh smiled coming behind Sophia. "She made you all who you are today."

"Even if you don't know it No," Paige added. "Lyss named you, she made sure you were always taken care of, she did what she always did, put your needs in front of her own."

"I have a question," Noah said. "Why does she have pink hair streaks on one of those pictures of her in the back room?" The five other Shepherd siblings burst into laughter.

"We'll save that story for another day Noah," Sophia smirked. "Let's just say, when Lyss rebelled, she went all the way."

"Oh kinda like Kelsey?" Noah teased.

"Shut up dork," Kelsey rolled her eyes.

"I'd love to watch another Shepherd vs. Shepherd blowout fight but I think you're parents won't be too happy when you are all late…" Josh spoke up. Paige looked up at the clock. It was almost 7 and the first game of the tournament began at 8.

"CRAP!" she exclaimed and jumped up and grabbed her keys. "We'll take my car and Josh's!"

"Alright, let's go," Jake said. They all hustled out of the house but froze as the youngest member of the family went missing.

"Noah, get your butt out here!" Kelsey screamed in the house.

"Hold on," he called as he flew down the stairs. They didn't even know when he slipped up the stairs. He hopped in Paige's car, a piece of paper clutched in his hand.

"What's that?" Hayley asked.

"Something to get me through the day," he smiled widely as he opened it up. The words _To My Noah_ were seen clearly at the top of the page.

"You're too dang cute," Paige cooed and he rolled his eyes as he skimmed the page.

"Lyss seemed to think so too," Noah smirked. He may not remember her all that well, but he knew he had a big sister that loved him, and that was enough.

* * *

Izzie Karev was never doing this again. Okay, yes she would, but now she knew why Sophia bailed on them.

"Iz," Alex said as she rushed around the cancer center. It was buzzing with people at just 7 in the morning. Families of children who get treatment there, go to support groups there, and everything were already bustling around. This was a very exciting day for the foundation.

"What Alex?" she snapped.

"Calm down, you don't see Meredith and Derek freaking out," Alex said.

"Because they are not here," she rolled her eyes. "Well, they are at the fields at least."

"Exactly, where you should be… everything you can do here is done," Alex told her.

"But there are so many people here!" she exclaimed. "I need to…"

"The whole family is at the fields, we are the only ones left," Alex informed her.

"Ali and Mike…"

"Followed after Mark, Addie, and Kevin he said… and besides, the nurses can take care of the families," Alex said. "Let's go… the whole little opening thing is going to start at any moment," she shoved her towards the door.

"I can't miss that!" she exclaimed and rushed out the door. Alex chuckled and followed after her. The past five years have been a blur for the Karev family, just like it had been for the rest of them. After the party Iz threw to celebrate Lyss's life, Meredith and Derek came up with the idea for the center.

They realized that not all people were doctors and fully understood everything that happened and they realized how scared some children's families could be when their child is diagnosed with cancer.

The whole family began researching solutions, and a foundation seemed like the best choice. Providing support, education, and financial aid to those who needed it. It was then when Chase's parents got on board too, but it was more for Lyss than anything. They had their own part of the center, but for the most part Meredith and Derek owned the building, did the finances, and got all their partners because they were famous surgeons.

For the next three years it built.

At first it was only a foundation run out of the hospital but when a huge investor helped them out with money and other organizations began finding out about Chasing Lyss's Dream, the land for the cancer center was bought and the large complex was up in about six months.

When Mer and Der remembered that investors were not going to keep coming was how Alyssa Fest began. A fundraiser that not only raised money for the organization, but for cancer research. It was simply amazing what was done in a mere five years.

They got to the fields in time, Izzie breathing out a sigh of relief.

"Way to go Iz," Cristina said. "Be late to the whole thing you were helping out with."

"It was because I was helping I was late Cristina… maybe if you…"

"And don't get her started," Owen rolled his eyes. He was now chief of the hospital, Richard finally retiring. Owen, Cristina, Talia, and Trevor were all very supportive of the foundation, but because Owen was chief he was always busy and since Talia and Trevor took after their mom, the most they ever did was give about a thousand or more a year and show up to all the functions. It's not like they expected anything more from them anyway.

"Mommy I'm tired," a little voice was heard. They saw Emmeliene dragging her feet towards Addie and reaching her hands up towards her. The five year old girl loved this fundraiser, she spent the whole time running around and playing, it was because of this she started doing ballet too. But of course, that excitement came at a reasonable time.

"Well Miss Emily," Addie said. "If you and Cole listened to Mommy and Daddy and went to bed when you were supposed to at Uncle Mark's, you wouldn't be so tired." She threw a look at Mark. He put his hands up.

"I thought they were asleep!" he defended. "It's not my fault your hubby's a cop and needed to help Mer and Der block off…"

"Nuh uh Uncle Mark," Emily shook her head. "You let us eat ice cream and watch some of your old videos of Lyss!" Addie turned towards him sharply.

"She's named after her… both of them are… and she was your goddaughter Addie, mine too," Mark told her as Kevin came up behind her with Cole fast asleep in his arms.

"Would you have to arrest me if I shoot him," Addie growled.

"Mom, why does Auntie Addie want to shoot Uncle Markie?" Taylor questioned.

"Because he's a silly man Tay," Lexie chuckled. "Why don't you go play with Emily, I am sure you can help her stay awake so then maybe we can save your Uncle!"

"Okay!" Taylor giggled. "Ty Ty, come on!"

"I wanna watch Auntie Mer though," he whined.

"You can still see her," George reassured. Ty's eyes lit up and he rushed to follow his sister and cousin. George smiled and wrapped his arms around his wife, his twins were about as eager as Emily and Cole to learn everything about their cousin Lyss. There was never a day that went by where they didn't stand up on the couch in order to look at the picture they had above their fire place where it showed their entire family at Christmas. They were only babies but they didn't care about that. They only cared about the girl with no hair, sitting in a wheelchair, smiling brightly as she was surrounded by her large, overbearing but loving family.

"When is this thing going to start?" Miranda asked, putting her hands on her hips. The past five years had caused her to slow down and think, her son went off to college and she and her husband were left alone in the house. He was always at work and since she turned down chief, she was a regular at the cancer center, having been there throughout all of Lyss's treatment and having the feeling like she failed. She wanted to make sure that did not happen to anyone else.

"If you didn't notice Bailey," Callie pointed out; she having done the same thing because she, like Bailey, felt like she failed Lyss. "There are only two people standing up there."

"Where are those children," she snapped, shaking her head.

"They are Shepherd's, what do you expect," Richard chuckled.

"It's almost 7:45, they better get here soon," she muttered.

"Excuse me," someone said, breaking into their little circle. "Would you mind if we take an interview with one of you?" It was a local Seattle new station, surrounded by cameras and other people. With a foundation and fundraiser as large as this was, it was usually media central.

"How about all of us?" Izzie said eagerly and Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Well first I would like to ask, how you all got involved with this amazing fundraiser?" the news caster asked.

"We helped create it," Izzie piped up. "We are Lyss's family."

"So you are the Shepherd's," he said.

"No… they live in New York, they don't come till around noon," Addie explained.

"So you are the Grey's then?" he questioned.

"God no… only them," Ali giggled, point to Morgan and Lexie.

"Then how are you her family?" she asked.

"We work at Seattle Grace… we are her surrogate family I guess you could say," Alex provided. "Were there for her every second of her life, through the cancer to her death."

"You are a close family… how do you feel about the strength of this fundraiser?" he asked.

"It's amazing what you can do by taking such a tragic event and turn it into something this wonderful," Izzie said optimistically.

"What she's trying to say is, in less fluffier terms, is that this was the best way to take Lyss's death into a direction that could benefit more than just us," Mark nodded. Izzie slapped him.

"Very well said… thank you," the newscaster smiled and left to troll around again.

"Please explain why we do this again?" Cristina groaned.

"Hey look who all decided to show up," Miranda mused as Paige, Hayley, Noah, and Jake ran up towards the stage, Kelsey hanging back to help Sophia. Josh walked towards them all.

"Good morning," he greeted.

"Thought you were supposed to keep them all on time there Callen," Owen said.

"You try getting them to stop gossiping," he said. "It's like Mission Impossible."

"True," Addie shrugged.

"Hello… and welcome to the third annual field hockey tournament Alyssa Fest!" the voice of Meredith rang throughout the fields. They looked around and saw all the teams that were there, the dancers, investors, and supporters hushed up. Then they looked towards the stage where Meredith and Derek stood proudly at the podium.

The past five years for them had been wonderful. Their marriage grew stronger than ever and their family couldn't have been more proud of them.

"We'd like to thank all of you for coming out to support about foundation Chasing Lyss's Dream," Derek continued. "Where we took our daughter Lyss's dream and projected it out to help other families go through and get through what struck our family five years ago. With this foundation, we hope to give families the courage and strength to be there for their children as they struggle to survive the terrible disease christened cancer. All of you help to bring us one step closer…"

"Momma, Lyss is here," Cole murmured as he woke from sleep. He must have had a dream about his namesake, something many of them often did.

"No baby, remember, Lyss died before you were born," Addie murmured. He blinked away the sleep from his eyes as Kevin hoisted him up in his arms.

"She's here… she's always here," he sighed, still tired from his fun night with Uncle Mark.

"The kid's right Addie," Cristina said. "If it were not for this foundation I'd be inclined to disagree, but, I think she really is here."

"Cristina, getting mushy… the end must be near," Mark joked.

"Shut it Sloan or I'll help Addison kill you," Cristina threatened.

"Oh but Cristina… I love Lyss… I wouldn't want to torture her by sending Mark to her," Addison chuckled.

"Only our family," Izzie giggled as Derek and Meredith finished their speech.

"Who said he'd be going to heaven," Cristina muttered under her breath. Mark's face went white as the family shared a laugh.

"Let the games begin!" Noah yelled into the microphone, and everyone around them joined in on their laughter.

* * *

Sophia sighed contently as she sat down at a picnic table in the backyard of the center. She placed her hand on her stomach gently. Her baby was having a fun time playing trampoline on her bladder and kicking the heck out of her ribs.

"Ouch Lyss, that hurt," she whispered as she winced.

"So you are calling her Lyss," Alison Karev murmured coming from behind her.

"God Al," Sophia gasped. "You scared me."

"You're calling her Lyss," she repeated.

"Well… we considered calling her Aly but…" Sophia told her.

"Lyss would have loved it," Ali smiled.

"Of course," she chuckled. Lyss would have also loved the fact that no matter how much Sophia had hated the medical growing up, she was now a first year med student at UW. Of course, if Lyss had still been alive, she would have gladly given the job to her little sister to become the doctor in the family. Not that she didn't love the medical field now; but it was because she wanted to fulfill Lyss's dream and become a surgeon that Sophia first began. But if it wasn't for her decision to go pre-med, she would have never met Josh in her Biology class freshman year. Maybe things like that happen for a reason.

"So Al, how's school going?" she asked.

"Good I guess…" she shrugged. "Almost over thank god… I need the summer."

"You think you're gonna stay pre-med?" Sophia questioned. "Because I could give you 20 reasons to stay, and 280 reasons to get out while you can."

"That bad," Ali giggled.

"No," Sophia shook her head. "It's worth it… you know… in the end."

"Lyss and I were supposed to go into college together, because the girls never wanted to have anything to do with medicine, the two of us promised each other we'd apply to all the same school, choose one, get through our freshman year with the girls and reward ourselves by backpacking across Europe for the summer," she smiled slightly.

"So I guess you aren't doing it anymore," Sophia suggested lightly.

"Heck no," Ali laughed. "Already booked our flight."

"That's great Al, you do deserve it," Sophia smiled sadly. It had been bad enough when Ali had been valedictorian of her class, a part of her speech was dedicated to Lyss; she had barely made it through it and neither had the family.

"What does she deserve?" Paige asked coming up from behind her with the food Sophia ordered her to get. It would have been Josh's job but Mark, Alex, Owen, and George roped him into a shift of reffing a few games of the tournament.

"Backpacking around Europe," Ali said proudly.

"Sweet, mind if we tag along," Hayley joked. The twins would be happy to join Lyss's old friends on a trip around Europe. Not just for the nostalgia but for a break from college life. They were both sophomores in college. After both going undeclared, Hayley at UW and Paige at Seattle U, Hayley ended up majoring in psychology while Paige majored in secondary education. They hadn't let Sophia convince them to go to the medical path except Hayley did settle to being a shrink.

"AL!" Brittany called from over the fields. "Melissa is doing her solo soon!"

"Coming… it's not like she is still a part of the dance studio," Ali pointed out. "Miss I'm going to be a Broadway dancer and I got into Julliard."

"What song she doing?" Paige asked.

"She does this dance every hour," Ali informed her, "It's sort of a tribute to Lyss where she uses their last duo lyrical song and… well, you'll see. You hear the song 'Keep Holding On' it's her."

"Tell her we'll watch it later," Sophia called after them.

"Mhm hmmm," Ali nodded and jogged to catch up with her old friends.

"Quite a day so far huh," Paige sighed collapsing in a seat next to her sister. She looked over to the next table sadly as she saw a girl around 10 sitting and eating with her parents with a smile on her face. She was a beautiful little girl with a face defined by a bald head.

"It's amazing how quickly it goes but how much stuff we do," Hayley murmured. "I've already done two shifts at the donation booth… I got two thousand checks."

"I got two five thousand," Sophia said proudly.

"It's the baby belly," Paige informed her.

"Well, if it will help us raise a lot of money, I'll sit there all day," Sophia told them. "It's gonna be a good day, I feel it."

"It started out a little rocky though," Hayley sighed.

"I can't believe he really can't remember her," Paige shook her head.

"Lyss's worse fear coming true," Sophia whispered.

"Jake's with him now at the donation tent," Hayley reassured. "He's the best at getting through to him. I mean, he is the smartest out of all of us."

"Um… who's the almost surgeon here," Sophia said.

"He's already taking AP Bio, AP Calc, AP everything as a junior," Paige reminded her. "He's 9th in his class and climbing higher."

"Whatever, I'm the oldest," Sophia huffed.

"Only ever worked on Lyss, remember that," Hayl shook her head. Sophia threw a french fry at her. "Grow up," she shot back.

"I'm with a child, I am not responsible for my actions," Sophia smirked.

"Especially if that child is named after Lyss, she's gonna be a little devil," Paige joked.

"I really wish I could argue with that," Sophia chuckled softly. "I wonder what she thinks… of all this… of how we turned out?"

"Oh… you're just saying that because you know how freaking ecstatic she'd be knowing that you are not only becoming a surgeon, but also naming your daughter after her," Paige teased. "Kiss-up."

"Yes Paige, Soph is totally kissing up to our dead baby sister," Hayley rolled her eyes.

"Really guys," Sophia sighed. "Do you think she's proud of us, proud of this organization, of everything we have done since she died?"

"Lyss was always proud of us… with whatever we did… which never really made sense seeing as she was younger than us," Paige murmured.

"But she was Lyss, she _made_ it make sense," Hayley pointed out.

"It's days like this when I really miss her," Sophia sighed. "Knowing Ali is almost done her freshman year in college, and that she would have been too. And how I… I want my baby girl to know her aunt. I want Lyss to know her nieces and nephews. I haven't said this in forever but… it is not fair."

"It never was… never will be Soph, we all know it… it's just now we've learned to except it," Hayley said sadly.

"She's happy, at least I think she is… it's one of the things that gets me through the day," Sophia said wistfully. "Knowing that… and…"

"And the fact that she loves us, always had, always will," Paige added with a smile. "And she'll love baby Lyss too."

"Oh, she would have spoiled her to death," Sophia laughed. "And she'd have loved every minute of it."

* * *

Kelsey opened up her make-up case as she sat on the floor of the trailer the owner of the dance studio drove up next to the stage where the girls were able to relax and get ready before they perform.

She grabbed her lip stick and ran it over her lips before looking at the mirror. Taped to the side of it was a picture of Lyss in a very similar pose as she was right then. Except it had been taken from Meredith's or whoever was taking the pictures POV. She was sitting in front of her own make-up case, lipstick in hand, her other hand held out towards the camera, trying to block her face but failing. Meredith had uncovered this picture around the time Kelsey joined company classes. When she had become a more involved dancer like Lyss had been, Meredith gave it to her.

Also in her make-up case sat old pieces of Lyss's costumes, extra accessories that Mer had cleaned out when she emptied Lyss's closet more than three years ago. In the compartment underneath sat the letter Lyss had written to her in her dying days. Before every performance Kelsey would read it over and over again, although she memorized it two months after she had first read it.

Kelsey was not the only one in her family who did things like this. Sophia, she knew kept Lyss's letter in her car, reading it every day as she drove to campus. Paige kept it in her purse, reading it whenever she felt like she was losing her. Hayley kept her letter from Lyss in her nightstand, reading it every day before she went to bed. Jake slept with it in his pillow; he hasn't read it in a while but it was always near him. Noah has always been angry about the letter, so it was stuffed in his desk drawer; today had been the first day he took it out for more than a year. And her parents, her parents had the letter framed and put in the center. They never read it anymore, but they knew visitors, patients, and nurses took comfort in reading it from time to time.

"Hey Kels," Melissa said from behind her. Kelsey turned around.

"Melissa!" she rejoiced and hugged her sister's friend. "I thought I missed you…"

"Nah… your mom asked me to do the solo every hour or so," she shrugged. "So what have you been up to? Obviously dance but Al mentioned you joined the theatre?"

"Where have you been?" Kelsey laughed.

"Julliard," Melissa reminded.

"Well… high school kind of helps," Kelsey explained. "I didn't do everything Lyss did, but because Lyss never got to go to high school, I decided to do the plays and the musicals. This year was Peter Pan. I was Tinkerbell."

"Bet you enjoyed that," Melissa laughed.

"Oh I know Lyss got a kick out of it," she smirked.

"She loved you… she always loved you," Melissa said.

"I know that now… a little late I guess," Kels sighed. "But… we are all trying to live out her dreams. Me, dancing, acting, and field hockey; Sophia, Hayley, and Jake are becoming some sort of doctors, and Paige and Noah… well, some people need to be normal."

"So, what are you doing with your hair for your solo, you're up in about three numbers," Melissa said.

"Uh… this flower in my hair," Kels said as she showed Melissa the flower. "And a french braid but I was going to skip that."

"Well now you won't," Melissa told her, sitting down behind her, parting her hair. "This is exactly what Lyss would have done…"

"I know," Kelsey smiled sadly. Melissa speed braided her hair beautifully and skillfully before Kelsey placed the flower in her hair. She heard the end of the song 'Smooth Criminal' that was the song before her and she ran out of the trailer, Melissa right behind her.

"Next up, we have yet another special treat… please welcome to the stage Kelsey Shepherd, Alyssa's younger sister, dancing a tribute to Lyss," the owner of the studio announced and Kelsey hustled on the stage, hugging the studio owner briefly and taking the microphone from her.

She took a deep breath and looked into the crowd. There was a lot of people she didn't know surrounding her, some with field hockey uniforms on, some of their parents, some patients Kelsey didn't recognize, investors, and then a loud cacophony sounded from the far back. There she found her family, everyone in her family. Including Meredith and Derek who wouldn't miss this performance for the world, despite how busy they were.

"Hello everyone," Kelsey said. "This dance was obviously inspired by the death of my sister. She was always a constant in my life. A person who I'd antagonize and she'd tease, but we loved each other. Now that Lyss died after so much fighting, our sibling fights and her battle with cancer, I feel like I have a guardian angel, that my family has a guardian angel. This looked for the best in everyone, even if she didn't really like you. She loved to dance, sing, play field hockey, and act… everything she did made an imprint on your heart, making it impossible to forget her."

Kelsey listened to the applause before nodding for the cue to begin the slideshow that would play as she danced. She handed off the microphone and ran down stage, waiting for her song to begin. The minute the song began, Kelsey began.

_Spend all your time waiting for that second chance  
For the break that will make it ok  
There's always some reason to feel not good enough?  
And it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release  
Memories seep from my veins  
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight_

In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here  
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear  
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here…

_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder  
You get your fill to eat  
But always keep that hunger  
May you never take one single breath for granted  
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed  
I hope you still feel small  
When you stand by the ocean  
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens  
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance_

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance  
I hope you dance  
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance  
Never settle for the path of least resistance  
Living might mean taking chances  
But they're worth taking  
Lovin' might be a mistake  
But it's worth making  
Don't let some hell bent heart  
Leave you bitter  
When you come close to selling out  
Reconsider  
Give the heavens above  
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance…

_I found you in the most unlikely way  
But really it was You who found me  
And I found myself in the gifts that Y\you gave  
You gave me so much and I_

I wish you could stay  
but I'll, I'll wait for the day

And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring  
And I'll be remembering you  
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing  
and I'll be remembering you, I'll be remembering you

From the first moment when I heard Your name  
Something in my heart came alive  
You showed me love and no words could explain  
A love with the power to  
Open the door  
To a world I was made for

And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring  
And I'll be remembering You  
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing  
and I'll be remembering You, I'll be remembering You

The dark night, the hard fight  
The long climb up the hill knowing the cost  
The brave death, the last breathe  
The silence whispering all hope was lost  
The thunder, the wonder  
A power that brings the dead back to life

The amount of applause was overwhelming as Kelsey landed in her end pose. For living in Lyss's shadows for so long, she never broke free of it any stronger than now. For believing she would never be as good as a dancer as Lyss was, the crowd and her family could bed to differ.

With a huge smile on her face Kelsey took a bow before turning around the the slideshow playing behind her. It was frozen on a picture of Lyss and Kels when they were younger. It was probably a forced picture but it was very clear they were both excellent actresses if that was the case.

Their heads were bent down together, blond hair mixing with blond hair. Similar smiles planted on their faces as they were wrapped in each other's embrace. Kelsey looked the most like Lyss as a sibling, and here it looked like they could have been twins.

Kelsey wishes she could go back to that time, but she know she can't, but as she runs off the stage to be greeted by her family, Kels could swear she heard something or someone whisper in her ear.

"_I'm so proud of you Kels. You're amazing, as good as me, better even... I love you."_

Derek sat down for the first time that day when he remembered what time it was. He was mentally cursing himself as he ran across the field hockey fields, lucky it was half time, and towards the stage in the pavilion near the center. If he missed Kelsey's solo held never forgive himself.

When he got there, Kelsey was standing on the stage, the microphone in her hand. He found Meredith and his family before slipping in beside them and pulling his arm around Mer's waist.

"Der," Mer murmured. "Where were you?"

"Investors," Derek sighed. "Worst part of this whole thing."

"I haven't seen you since the opening," Mer whispered. "I miss you."

"Seeing as we've spent the last two months planning like hell for this thing four hours have seemed like forever," Derek chuckled.

"Mommy, Uncle Derek said a bad word!" Cole said to Addie. Addie glared at them and Meredith and Derek giggled as Kelsey's song began.

They both watched in awe as the song begins and Kelsey begins to move gracefully across the stage. Derek's hand find's Meredith and Mer sinks in his embrace.

The past five years have made their relationship better than ever, save for the first few months after Lyss's death. In trying to create this center, this fundraiser, this organization; they were hardly ever apart, all but quit their jobs as surgeons and parents to do this, and they finally did.

There had been moments, when something didn't work out just right, when the builders hit a snag, when an investor bailed out, but then there were moments, like this one, that made it all worth it. Made them love each other even more. Love their children more. Love their family more. Love Lyss more.

They turned around briefly to see the Shepherd family rushing up; obviously their plane had just landed. Derek sighed and kissed Mer's head as he missed the face of his mother that used to be in the front of the group. Two years ago, Elizabeth Shepherd had a heart attack, and died in surgery. The whole family took it hard, but when they realized that Chris and Liz were finally reunited again and that Liz was ready to die, did they begin to recover.

After it though, it was really hard to start the center, but they did it anyway, for Lyss and for Liz. If it wasn't for the families two guardian angels none of this would ever happened.

Meredith turned towards Derek as Kelsey finished dancing and landed perfectly posed at the end note.

"YEAH KELSEY!" Meredith screamed and began clapping.

"THAT'S MY GIRL!" Derek yelled and chuckled as she glared at him slightly. They immediately embraced her as she rushed over to them. Kelsey was fourteen. How old Lyss was when she died. As Derek pressed his nose in her long blond hair he felt as if he was doing it to his Lyss.

"So you liked it?" she asked them.

"Liked it… baby you did amazing," Derek pressed a kiss to her head.

"I'm so proud of you," Meredith commented but Kelsey was looking off into a distance, not really listening to them. "Kels?"

"Oh! I am the next shift for the donation table… I need to get changed!" Kelsey said and sprinted off towards the trailer. "And I have to cheer on the Tigers, because some people won't let me compete with them."

"It wouldn't be fair Kelsey and you know it!" Mark teased, calling after her. Kelsey turned around and stuck her tongue out at him before disappearing into the trailer. Meredith shook her head and turned to greet the Shepherd's.

"About time," she sighed as she embraced Nancy, the person who took over as the family organizer.

"You know how long it takes to get all of them out of the airport," she laughed waving her arm towards the family. Lily rushed forward to hug Meredith and Derek before running towards Sophia.

"When are our shifts for stuff?" Kathy asked.

"That is Izzie's job, we run everything else," Derek chuckled. "I promised Anna that I would come visit her and tell her how things are going. So…"

"Anna is his latest project," Meredith smiled. "Lyss's age, AML… he gets way to invested." Mer slapped him teasingly. Derek kissed her cheek, nodded at his family, before walking towards the center. After navigating through the hallways, he went to the treatment center where Anna was sitting to the side of the circle of all the unfortunate patients who had chemo scheduled on the day of the fundraiser.

"Dr. Shepherd," Anna's mother smiled as he came in. "Anna just had a spell but will be good for probably an hour."

"Well then I better make it quick," Derek smiled as he went up the the young girl Anna Jacobs. Two months ago Anna was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia, just like Lyss had. She was currently undergoing consolidation therapy after finishing induction a month ago. They were all waiting for next month, when she would have a bone marrow biopsy to see if she was in remission or not. Derek had met her in the middle of her induction therapy when she developed an infection. She developed infections often which was why she was currently staying at the center. Her parents had their own room in the visitor's wing.

Anna was very interesting in Lyss. The fact that she had AML scared her parents, but because Lyss's was stage 4 and Anna's was only stage 2 allowed Derek to reassure the fact that her end would not be like Lyss's.

"Dr. Shepherd," Anna called and smiled.

"Hey Anna," Derek smiled. "How's it going?"

"You know, the usual," she smirked. "Chemo, radiation, throwing up… enough about my boring life… how's the fundraiser going… I wish I could be out there."

"Next year Anna," he looked at her mother. "And it's going amazingly… best yet."

"That's great… your daughter Kelsey do her solo already?" Anna questioned.

"Yes she did, a couple minutes before I came to see you," Derek said.

"She do as amazing as you thought she would?" she asked.

"Better," Derek smiled.

"Knew it," Anna smiled. "I'm trying to convince my mom I can go to the dinner tomorrow night but she won't let me."

"I think you should listen to her," he told her. "None of the food is really neutropenic."

"Figures," she sighed. "You'll let me know how you did in the end… like… make sure you make enough money so I don't have to go to a real hospital. This doesn't feel like a hospital… it's a whole lot better."

"That's the whole point," Derek winked at her. "So stay here, concentrate on getting better, and make sure that next year you won't be here again during this."

"I will," Anna smiled. Derek patted her shoulder before nodding to her mother and leaving. Anna was the kind of patient that made Derek wish his daughter had that kind of chance, but also the kind that made him so very thankful he and Mer started this center. Patients like her made the hard work, the money, the endless tiredness worth it.

* * *

"You need to sit," Derek whispered in Meredith's ear. She had spent the past two hours since people began to arrive to the dinner.

"Like hell I do," Mer rolled her eyes. "If I don't say hi to every investor and everyone who matters, we'll lose money."

"This whole thing was supposed to make us money," Derek reminded her.

"Some money," she corrected.

"You worry too much," Derek chuckled.

"Um… you worry too much," Meredith corrected. "About me."

"The last time I didn't care enough about you you almost died, you fell down the stairs," Derek whispered.

"But back then I didn't know how to get over Lyss's death, and by doing this I did," Mer reminded.

"Of course," Derek sighed. "But I still worry. I worry every day."

"And that's why I love you," Mer murmured. "Always have, always will."

"And it's almost 7 o'clock," Derek said. "Your year or my year?"

"My year, great," she murmured. "Public speaking… never my strong suit. I can do it at the opening but…"

"I can take your place," Derek offered.

"Like hell," Meredith laughed. "You have next year."

"But you just said…"

"Doesn't mean I don't want to… just that I hate it," she smiled. Derek shook her head and kissed her briefly on the lips before walking to their table. Meredith took a deep breath and walked towards the stage.

She would have to announce how much money they made, how much they owe every single one of them, who won the tournament in each age bracket. (Which ironically was Kelsey's team anyway so next year Meredith and Derek may let her compete.) But that was at a later time. Right now, all she had to do was greet everyone formally. She has done it once before, but she couldn't even remembered what she said.

She took a step towards the podium as Derek began to hit a glass for the room to quiet and everyone take their seats. Mer waited a few moments before beginning.

"I'd like to thank you all for coming here today," Meredith smiled as she stood at the podium. Her eyes swept the floor. Her family, at their usual table in the center, smiling and enjoying themselves. She recognized other people. Lyss's friends and their parents, people from Kels and Lyss's dance studio, neighbors, nurses, Dr. Hanes, Chase's parents. "I don't think Lyss or Chase ever imagined something like this would come out of their deaths.

"Five years ago, I felt like my life came to a halt," Meredith continued. "I felt it wasn't fair that my life continued while my little girl's ended so cruelly and quickly. How just a year before, we were a family, a seemingly perfect family where cancer did not exist and the only thing we had to worry about was the fights our children were having." A soft chuckle was heard from her family. "But then, we were the family who had a sick child. A dying child… and when Lyss actually died, it was unbearable.

"And soon I began to call into question how I would define my family," Mer sighed. "We didn't know how to live as a family of 8, not 9. I didn't know if I now only had 6 children, or 7 children. I still loved Lyss, she was still my daughter, but I needed something to give my love to… and that's how Chasing Lyss's Dream came to be."

Meredith paused and closed her eyes for a brief second to take a deep breath. She began to shake slightly just as she had done two years ago while making this speech but all of a sudden she felt a rush of cold air. She froze and felt someone there. Immediately she knew it was Lyss. Lyss was there, by her side always, she knew it. Lyss approved, and that's all that really mattered.

"Lyss's legacy lived on from then on. In my heart, her father's heart, her family and friends' hearts, in the heart of the cancer center and this foundation. I never dreamed that something like this would come from something that hurt so much, but it did. And although I wish my daughter was here standing with me… I know we will be okay. I know other families will be okay too, because of this. I want to thank you all for your donations and support in keeping Lyss's dream alive. This place and the fact that my first granddaughter is being named Alyssa Meredith Shepherd-Callen, is proof that no matter what happens in life, of all things, love can never be forgotten."

The whole Shepherd family took satisfaction with the eruption of applause that sounded through the room. It was truly extraordinary what Lyss could do, even in death.

* * *

**Not sure how I can continue this story for one more epilogue after that? Well… you will be presently surprised! The last chapter is going to be my favorite to write because it is very bittersweet, but mostly sweet, and cute, and… PERFECT ENDING! Hope you enjoy that… and…**

**Please review! The more reviews I get, the faster the last chapter will be up and the happier I will be!**

**A/N: If any of you read NCIS fanfiction, this is my first multi-chapter NCIS fic coming soon: **

**Ziva centric. Ziva David has always shown an interest towards children, but when 10 year old Aaliyah McCallin is found at a crime scene, she never expected the connection to be so strong. No one on the team expected how quickly she would weasel her way into their hearts. But when it's discovered that they have similar pasts, Ziva will stop at nothing to protect her, going as far as to admitting something that could risk her position on the team. As they dig deeper into the past of this young girl, one of Gibbs' rules is the least of their worries. The team soon finds themselves in a race against time to save Aaliyah, NCIS, and prevent a terrorist attack that would make 9/11 look like a normal day in New York City.**


	19. Chapter 19: Epilogue 2

**Disclaimer: It is called fan fiction for a reason… And besides, I have done this for 19 chapters for this story and 85 for Stuck in the Middle… still don't own it!**

**This is the last chapter of this fic and the end of this series! I enjoyed the ride with all of you and am so grateful to all of my loyal readers! This is my favorite chapter of all of the 104 chapters that told the story of this specific Shepherd family. **

**Here is the last chapter…**

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_One thing I learned in heaven is that, all of the opportunities you get sometimes make up for all of the things you miss. Yeah, I still wish I could have gone to high school, college, med school, become a surgeon, get married, have kids some day, and grow old… there is one privilege that I get to have that no one else in my family will._

_Greeting everyone when they come to me._

_I got to watch every second of everyone's lives. Every laugh, every smile, every tear, and every time they needed me._

_The first one to join me was my Nana, even though I wasn't the one to necessarily greet her first. I stood in the background as my grandfather and stepped towards the gates of heaven and met his wife. The wife he has not seen in over thirty years. Thirty years filled of pain._

_Their embrace made me wish that I was able to grow old with someone. Love someone that much. Yeah, I had Chase, but, we grew apart in a way. He went with his family while I went with mine. We saw each other every once in a while, but it was never what we used to have. It was a smile, a casual hug, a see you later. Nothing what my Nana and Grandpa would have for eternity._

_When Nana saw me, she all but broke down and hugged me for hours. It had been three years after all. She almost didn't recognize me, seeing as I chose to be 20 in heaven. That was another perk of being in heaven. You got to choose what age you wanted to live as for the rest of your life. I chose 20 because I would be out of the teens but not yet able to drink because it worked out so well for me when I was alive and only 13. Nana chose 40, because that's how old her husband was when he died._

_The next one to join me was Hershey. Yeah, she was a dog, but dogs got to go to human heaven if they had a loved one already dead. She came about two years after Nana, hit by a car crossing the street. It was almost her time anyway but my parents were so upset._

"_But she was Lyss's," they had cried. Not over me directly, but one more memory of me that was forever lost._

_Hershey had been so excited to see me. She jumped on me, and licked my face for hours. Now as I walked the streets of heaven, I had a companion, and I needed it because it was another 15 years until one of her family members joined her. Thatcher Grey had died three years after Hershey from liver failure, but I didn't know him so he didn't count and he didn't stay with me in my family's heaven house like Hershey, Nana, and Grandpa did. _

_The next one to join me was Uncle Richard. He went traditionally, in his sleep, after he finally retired as chief it seemed he did have much to live for anymore. The hospital was his life, so was the family but he was ready to go anyway. When he saw me, he hugged me but I didn't greet him either. Ellis did, because she after all, was one of the other things that made his decision to let go._

_After Uncle Richard came Aunt Nancy, and after Aunt Nancy came Aunt Kathy, and after Aunt Kathy came Uncle George. I welcomed each other them to heaven with open arms. And after Uncle George, came my daddy._

_He was 89 and terribly sick, much like her, except it was mostly old age. I watched for years as he built up Chasing Lyss's Dream. He dedicated everything he had to it, and when he retired as a surgeon, he was there 24/7. I was so proud of him, and felt so bad when he lost the little girl Anna he had put much of his time and effort to so many years before._

_My daddy was a brave person. When he was 84 he got a bad bout of pneumonia that put him in the hospital. Mommy, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Kelsey, Noah, and their kids rushed to his bedside and stayed there. Mommy cried for hours and he reassured her everything would be okay, but it wouldn't. _

_For the next four years he struggled to keep his health, but he was never really healed._

_After catching pneumonia once more, he was landed in the hospital again, unable to eat; but he could talk which was when he asked to go home._

_Daddy died just as he always wanted to, although it was a little earlier than he expected. Together, around sunset, he and Mommy sat on the porch swing, wrapped in each other's arms. Everyone was huddled in the living room and watched from the window as he took his final breath. My Mom placed a kiss on his gray head before breaking down, he after all, was the first from our family of nine after me to die._

_While they were holding his funeral I was there waiting at the gates of heaven. For a long time we just stared at each other, he had been missing for days after all; but I figured he was wandering around, wishing that he was still on earth with Mommy. Daddy chose to be 45, how old he was when Noah was born. I guessed it was the last time he felt young. After taking in each other's appearances, a look I had been alive for and an age that I never got to be on earth, he had opened his mouth._

"_Hey Lyss," he murmured._

"_Daddy," I smiled and rushed into his arms. "I missed you."_

"_Oh baby girl, me too, me too," Daddy whispered in my long dirty blond hair. "How.. How have you…"_

"_I've been watching you, that's what I do, every second of every day," I told him._

"_So, what did you think of…"_

"_The foundation… it's amazing daddy… you did good," I nodded. He chuckled and grabbed me again to squish me into his chest. _

"_I wish you could have grown old… Sophia, she…"_

"_Little Lyss, yeah, I know, I was there," I smiled and Daddy shook his head. _

"_Of course," he smiled. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't."_

"_It's been more than 30 years, why are talking about others," I shook my head. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't want to see what heaven is all about, and then, you can watch over Mommy, Sophia, and everyone until they come to us too."_

"_You're so old," Daddy informed me. _

"_Up here, you age about ten years a day… you know so much… so, you're gonna be really really old," I giggled._

"_Oh Lyss."_

_Daddy and I spent 7 years in heaven together, alone. Nana, Grandpa, and everyone else stopping in every once in a while, but we were always lost in the clouds, watching over everyone, talking, joking, laughing so hard we cried, catching up._

_The next one to join us was Uncle Owen. For all the years he was a trauma surgeon and an army surgeon he was never shot, but when he was in a grocery store, shopping for Aunt Cristina who was slipping away by the second, he was fatally wounded from a stray bullet during a hostage situation. Overwhelmed with grief and her own sickness, Aunt Cristina joined us the same day._

_Aunt Lexie had a brain aneurysm next, and was found by Morgan two hours after she had died. Aunt Miranda went out fighting, kidney failure with no donor. Uncle Kevin was stricken with heart failure. Next was Aunt Izzie, the first of the family to contract a cancer after me. Colon I believe, or something else, whatever it was it spread to so many places her organs shut down in less than a month._

_With our dwindling family, Mommy finally came to us when she was 87._

_Her death was devastating to Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, Noah, and all of her grandchildren; but was welcomed with open arms by Daddy and I._

_Alzheimer's just as she always feared claimed her life. Early onset. She went from being the lovely grandmother, to the woman who constantly called out to her dead husband and her dead daughter. While it was a struggle, Sophia stayed strong and took over the clinic and all the motherly responsibilities in the family._

_When Mommy came to the gates of heaven, she didn't wait a second to rush to the middle of Daddy and I to hug us both._

"_Oh Lyss… oh Derek… I have been waiting for this day," she whispered._

"_We have been waiting for you too Mommy," I told her._

"_Lyss," Mommy smiled, reaching out to push my hair out of my face. She had chosen 35 as her age, the age she was when she had me. "Thank you."_

"_For what?" I had asked._

"_For making me fight all those years ago," she told me. "If it wasn't for you… I… I would have missed so much, lost so much, and… Chasing Lyss's Dream it would have… oh Lyss do you…"_

"_I know Mommy… I've been watching and you didn't everything and more that I wanted you to do with my death… it feels so weird but… I'm so proud of you," I chuckled._

"_No… it sounds about right," Mommy commented and kissed me on my head. "Derek," she turned to daddy._

"_Meri," he whispered and cupped her face. "Boy have I missed you."'_

"_Not as much as I missed you," Mommy shook her head. "Both of you. It's been."_

"_39 years," I whispered._

"_7 years," Daddy murmured._

"_Far too long," Mommy said._

"_My girls," Daddy said, taking a step back to look at us. He smiled and we knew he was taking in our similarities. Aunt Cristina, who spent a lot of time with us, walked up casually and spoke before daddy could._

"_Jeez, you couldn't have made yourself older Mer," Aunt Cristina shook her head. "Made yourself a little older so you would look to freaking much like your daughter." We both looked at each other and smiled. It was true, we were like looking in a mirror._

"_Get out of here," Daddy hissed._

"_Make me McDreamy," Aunt Cristina huffed but smiled and leaned into Mommy's ear. "We'll catch up later." And with that she was gone. _

"_Let go to our cloud daddy," I said. Daddy nodded and put his hands on both Mommy and I's back so we could show Mommy our cloud where we watched the family grow._

_Twenty years flew by quickly as the three of us sat blissfully in our tiny piece of forever together. Hardly ever leaving but for occasions when someone we knew had passed over to our world. _

_Aunt Addie and Uncle Mark came to us next in less than a year's time, as it should have been. So now I had my godparents and my real parents to bask in the glory that was heaven. Aunt Callie was next, then Aunt Emma, and Aunt Lyndsey, and last but not least Uncle Alex._

_Now that all of their friends and their sisters were in heaven with us, Mommy and Daddy split their time with me on our cloud, and in our heaven house with them. Despite not being with me all the time, they were still there to greet me when the next person came to heaven; and that was Hayley._

_My second biggest sister left behind a family of two. Her husband Emmett Wiley, and her son Griffin Derek Shepherd-Wiley._

_She became a successful psychiatrist in her practice, making a few medical journals and coming up with several theories on the basis of chemical unbalance in the brain or something I didn't really care about. Hayley was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease at the age of 62 and died 4 years later at 66. Griffin was only 27 and had just asked the love of his life to marry him._

_Hayley was devastated when she came to us as a 27 year old, because she wanted to dance with her son at his wedding, but I let her know she could still see him and she could send me to look over him._

"_Why can't I?" she asked as I sat down on our cloud with her, after a lot of tears and welcoming from the family._

"_You've just gotten here Hayl," I told her. "You need to earn the privilege silly… it usually takes about two years which means you can probably be there for the birth of any grandchildren that are to come, just like I was with you when Griff was born."_

"_You were there?" Hayley gasped. Her own husband wasn't there. He was overseas, a lieutenant in the navy._

"_I held your hand," I smiled._

_Hayley and I sat on our cloud together for twelve years. Mommy and Daddy came a little less often now that they knew I had someone to give me company. We talked about Griffin, Emmett, my friends, the foundation, anything we could think of really. When she asked me if I would have gotten married and had kids if I had the opportunity, I was ready for the answer because I spent over 40 years thinking of the answer._

"_Yes," I said with a smile. "I would have wanted one girl and one boy, Susannah who I would have called Zanne and Benjamin who I would have called Ben." Hayley began to cry then, saying that it wasn't fair that I had to miss all of the happiness motherhood came with, but I reassured her that being here with her now and being able to live forever in the kingdom of heaven was worth it, even if it wasn't entirely true._

_Sophia came next, complications from diabetes claimed her life at the age of 75. In heaven she chose to be 22, the age she was when she had her first daughter._

_Soph left behind a family of four. Her husband Josh, and her children Alyssa Meredith Shepherd-Callen, Joshua Jacob Shepherd-Callen, and Isaiah Porter Shepherd-Callen but had lived a long life that allowed her to have four grandchildren before she left the world behind. When she saw me at the gates of heaven, she hugged me and kissed me over and over again._

"_Lyss, oh Lyss, I have missed you," she cried._

"_I know Soph," I smiled. "But we are together again."_

"_Forever," she whispered and then turned to Hayley. "I am not supposed to outlive two of my younger sisters."_

"_Shit happens," Hayley shrugged and Sophia began to giggle softly. _

"_You two are twisted," she smirked. "Just like I remember."_

"_And that's how Lyss, JJ, and Isaiah will remember you," I teased._

"_You know about them," Sophia gasped._

"_Lyss had her own little guardian angel," I reassured her. "For every second of her life. It was a little soon for me to be there when she was born, but her first birthday, when she was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes… I was there with you, and her."_

"_You were?" she asked._

"_She's my namesake and you're my big sister… why wouldn't I," I reminded her and hugged her once more._

_It was too soon for my liking when we were called back to the gates of heaven to greet another family member, and this time Mommy and Daddy were there too. It was only two years after Sophia's death._

"_Noah," I choked out as I watched it happen. "Not my Noah."_

"_Lyss we knew," Sophia whispered and hugged me as I watched a drunk driver T-bone his car. It was Thanksgiving; he was driving home with his wife Tessa from his son's house. He had two of them, Garrett David Shepherd and Zachary Ethan Shepherd, but it was from Zach's house who lived in Nebraska where it happened. Tessa made it, Noah, only 58, was found brain dead on the side of the road, dying three days later._

_No one else approached him when he came to us a 21 year old. Only I did. He looked at me, unsure of who I was and where he was._

"_Noah, it's me," I whispered. "Lyss."_

"_Lyss," he gasped._

"_Yeah," I smiled. It has been 54 years since he last saw me, and he wouldn't remember me at all. Only what he was told about me._

"_I'm sorry I forgot you," he cried._

"_My Noah," I smiled and brought him into a hug. "You never really forgot me… I was in your heart; you knew about me… the small details don't matter. I loved you, and you loved me… and now… you finally took the trip with me. And we are free to live here forever, together, or at least until Tessa joins us."_

"_It took forever," he sighed. "And is very bittersweet."_

"_What can you do," I shrugged. "But I am so proud of you. You got to have a wonderful family." Hayley, Sophia, Mommy, and Daddy all greeted Noah after me. Reassuring him now that when his second grandchild was to be born, I or one of them would take his place._

_I had much to catch up with Noah about, so we spent most of our time on our cloud alone. Hayley and Sophia, for the time being, traveled to another one in order to keep watch over their own children and grandchildren, traveling down from time to time. _

_The moments on our cloud with Noah were one of my best memories in heaven. He had so many questions and I had so many answers, and we built up our relationship to what it would have been and more if I would have survived. When he saw the distress of his wife and sons, I reassured him that it would all dull down eventually. That I have watched it time and time again with our family, and although it does not get easier to watch, it does become more routine, and it is easier to help comfort. When he was in heaven long enough, I promised him I would teach him how to visit in dreams, just as I have done before._

_The time in between the next death was four years this time. Paige._

_Paige left behind a family of three. Her husband Andrew Clark and her two daughters, Danielle Sophia Clark and Gianna Hayley Clark. _

_Diabetes must have run in one of our families, because that is how Paige went too. Low blood sugar that was too low and was found in a coma by Gia. Something the poor girl will never get out of her head._

_My greeting to Paige was not as profound as some of the others, because by now I have been in her dreams so many times in order to reassure her the happiness of her twin sister, older sister, and youngest brother._

_She hugged and kissed me, and told me how much she missed me, but it was Hayley that she missed the most. Her other half, as they liked to call it._

_After four years of catching up, Noah and I had enough of our alone time and allowed our older sisters to come to our cloud again. Together we watched their children, and our final two sibling. Jake and Kelsey._

_Jake came to us next, leaving only Kelsey. He came 3 years after Paige. Jakey was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer a year before he died. Kelsey had taken it particularly hard, because she had been the only one left in the family who remembered the last person who was diagnosed with cancer._

_Jake left behind a family of four. He and his wife Shannon had three children. Christopher Jack Shepherd, Carissa Madeline Shepherd, and Corey Gavin Shepherd. Jake was 79 when he died and came to the gates of heaven as a 40 year old. Always so strange because that was how old daddy was, as well as Grandpa. If you ever lined all three up, it looked like there was a three way mirror._

"_Jakey," I smiled as I saw him._

"_Hey Lyss," he smirked. "What's up?"_

"_Always the one to act like nothing happened," I said._

"_Well, I figured the two of us have something in common," he said._

"_And what would that be?" I asked._

"_Cancer," Jake sighed._

"_An awful son of a bitch huh," I gave him a half-smile. "Now you know why."_

"_I knew a long time ago," he reassured._

"_Figured as much…" I shrugged and allowed the rest of my family to greet him now._

_While we watched over our little sister Kelsey, we felt tears well up as she struggled to be the sole true Shepherd left in the family, after losing all of us. She struggled for years, and the Alzheimer's was a blessing in a way._

_Her husband Kevin Gibbs, and four children; Jason Noah Shepherd-Gibbs, twins Lauren Noelle and Olivia Melody Shepherd-Gibbs, and Lydia Renee Shepherd-Gibbs didn't believe so; but they were not sure where she was trapped._

_Kelsey thought it was back in 2023. Back when we were all alive, even me._

_She lived the next two years as the next two years of her life back then. The sorrow and the eventual understanding. It was beautiful in a way. That way, when she saw us at the gates of heaven, she ran into my arms like I had just died, and it was not her who just died. I was not surprised when Kels wanted to be 14, the age I was when I died._

_Kels hardly spoke as she greeted everyone and I knew what was on her mind. As soon as the greetings were over, I banned everyone from our cloud for a while and took Kelsey there. We watched her funeral, and she let me talk._

"_You did it Kels," I smiled. "You became me."_

"_What do you mean?" she asked._

"_Field hockey, dance, Broadway," I smirked. "You were practically famous."_

"_Didn't mean anything with you… it should have been you," she sighed._

"_You had a lot of loss in your life Kels… and I am so sorry you were the last to die, because you had to witness it all," I murmured, pulling my baby sister close. "You just got over my death. You got the lead in the musical, you were at the top of dance company, your field hockey team was second in the state and then…"_

"_Junior prom," she choked out._

"_Kelsey, I am so sorry," I whispered. At her junior prom, she went with her boyfriend Jason. The first boy she ever loved and has been going out with him since freshman year. On the way home from the best night of her life, after he gave her a promise ring, their limo crashed. Her best friend Ashley was paralyzed, her friend Eric lost his right leg, her friend Lina's face was practically burned off, her friend Greg was put in a coma, and Jason. Jason was thrown through the window and killed on impact. Kelsey got off completely fine with scratches, but she felt dirty, terrible, and slipped into a deep depression._

"_Everyone I love dies," she had cried, and ran away from her house, not wanting anyone else around her to die. She was gone for almost two weeks, almost missing finals, but if it was not for me, she would have had to repeat junior year and all her pain._

"_It really was you," she gasped._

"_One of the few privileges you have up here… and you'll learn them in time," I told her. Kelsey looked down at her casket when her youngest daughter put a lily on her grave._

"_Lydia, she looked so much like you," Kelsey murmured out of nowhere. "My little Lydie. And Laur. Livvy and Jase. I put them through so much." Kels started to cry but I stopped her._

"_They'll never forget you, and they know and understand… just as you understood why I left," I smiled. "Everyone understands and everyone forgives… you'll learn that soon enough."_

"_God Lyss I missed you," Kels whispered._

"_Me too," I said, and helped her up. "Let's go."_

"_Where?" she questioned._

"_My time here is done… I don't have much more to do here, except live forever with you guys. The cloud is yours now, not mine," I whispered. _

"_I can watch them?" she asked._

"_Until they join us; with Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Noah of course," I nodded and brought her to our heaven house._

_Heaven is a very strange place. You live like you did on earth, but you can't die and you can only live with the people you choose to, it's not like a real family because if you don't like someone, you don't see them._

_I watched with amusement as Kelsey's eyes widened as a large table sat in the middle of our heaven house. Nana, Grandpa, Ellis, Aunt Lexie, Uncle George, Uncle Richard, Aunt Addie, Uncle Mark, Uncle Kevin, Aunt Izzie, Uncle Alex, Aunt Miranda, Aunt Callie, Aunt Cristina, Uncle Owen, Mommy, Daddy, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Jake, and Noah all faced us, smiling._

"_Welcome Kels," Daddy smiled. I brought her to her place at the table and sat down next to her before looking around. _

_More than 50 years ago, Mommy told everyone that love can never be forgotten. None of us really believed it was true, until now._

-THE END-

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**Hope you like the end of my story! Keep reading all of my other stories! Please review for the last time, thank you (:**

**~ LyssLovesTiva33 (Lyss)**


	20. Chapter 20: Author's Note PLZ READ

**AN: Obviously this is not a new chapter because I finished this fic over two years ago… but I have a question for all of you.**

**I rediscovered my love for Grey's Anatomy and Grey's Anatomy fanfiction and realized, I miss writing the Shepherd family I first created (Mer/Der, Sophia, Hayley, Paige, Lyss, Jake, Kels, and Noah) and then remember… oh yeah, they all died by the end of my my sequel, Lyss at the end of the first fic… oh darn…**

**But then, a whole new story came to mind!**

**So what do you think about this idea….**

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The Shepherd family has been through a hell of a lifetime, a rebellion, a disease, a death, and a rebirth; but what if Chapter 62 (let's pause for a moment while everyone runs to see what happened in Chapter 62) never happened?

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**I'll let you all ponder that!**

**Please let me know what you all think? Do you want me to do this? Would you all read this if I start writing (probably won't start till end of May but I'll let you know what it will be called, etc)?**

**Thanks!**

**~LyssLovesTiva33**


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